On Thursday and Friday nights this past week, I volunteered at an emergency shelter. Tucson declared a state of emergency due to the cold and the fact that 14k people were without heat. Unfortunately, the shelter didn't get a lot of usage but, still, awesome idea.

During my time volunteering, I met some amazing people. There was the guy that gave up his condo in NYC to drive around in a beat-up Jeep and camp out in various places around the US. He was appalled that, whenever he asked anyone where the library was, they had no idea. It wasn't just Tucson, it was Seattle and Des Moines and Chicago and Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. We talked about books and writing for hours.

There was the guy that came in that had a bit of gas going into his house but he simply couldn't afford to heat his house. He chatted with me as he walked his cat around on a leash. We had brilliant conversations about his time in the military and how he felt a bit loss because he'd never found a job that fit quite like the military. He had problems relating to people and never once made eye contact with me. He told me that I was the first person he'd talked to for more than a few minutes, at least in three years. Three years of not having anything more than a cursory conversation with someone.

There was the homeless man who had a service chihuahua. The dog was there for seizures and for mental health issues. It was freezing so the man came in from the cold only for his dog. If it hadn't been for the dog, he would've stayed right outside, he proudly told me. He was very withdrawn and only responded when asked about his dog.

But the one set of people I met that has me wrenched up in a navel-gazing sort of way was the 13 year old girl I met. (I'll call her "A") She came in with her father and they had two cats that walked on a leash. One was fixed and the other wasn't. It wasn't until they'd been at the shelter for three hours that she gave an interview to one of the reporters that showed up. When the reporter asked her how long they'd been without gas, she looked at him, blinked and said that there was plenty of gas in their car. It's just it was nice to sleep in a real bed.

A and her father (always father, never dad or daddy. always father) had been living in their car for two months. This time. They'd had a place for a few months before that but before that, they'd been living in the car. In the past year, she'd been living in the car over 6 months. A car.

Both her and her father had very limited social skills. The first night, they barely talked to anyone. They were polite but withdrawn. A was proud to admit that she'd started her first college class (13 and going to college and homeless). Other than that, they didn't speak. The second night, I greeted them by name, ushered them into the shelter with a smile and found myself talking to both her and her dad. It was hard to navigate the conversation, to keep it away from things they found intrusive (questions like, "are you warm enough here" and asked because the first night, the boiler malfunctioned and the place's temperature sank to 55, was far too personal). I talked to them about their animals and the importance of spaying and neutering. The father mentioned that one of my co-workers had mentioned a free neuter but he wasn't interested. We talked about health risks and ensuring that the animals kept all their shots up to date.

I took a moment to introduce everyone to my replacement, ensuring that my replacement volunteer knew the minefield and could make better decisions than I had the night before, and went on my way.

This morning, I got a call from the co-worker (who is a high mucketymuck at work and not just a grunt like me) that the father had agreed to neuter his cat and that it was all "your fault". I've never been so grateful to hear the words "your fault".

But, really, I wonder about the impact I had. Anyone who has been on my flist for awhile can tell you that, every year, for my birthday and for Christmas, I ask people to give to the needy, to look through their closets and downsize their stuff. I ask people to donate to local charities and take the time to volunteer if they can. I'm really good at the lip service to these causes.

However, I've learned that I still suffer from the "not in my backyard" syndrome. Sure, there's a problem with homeless families but, really, not in Tucson. We're a very generous small city. And, really, if it's a homeless family, it's female-led. That's why it's important to have safe places for families to go. Except that most homeless shelters don't really plan for male-led homeless families so where did this father/daughter combo have to go that wouldn't separate them?

The other part that really got me was that each person that I spoke to told me about how awesome the libraries are, how important they are for a safe haven and the opportunities they presented. To A, they meant a place where she could work on her college and high school classes. To the traveler, they meant a place where he can get a book, brush up on his skills and take a moment to rest somewhere warm/cool. To another gentleman, they meant a place where he could just be. It was rare that I heard about the importance of the books but, instead, they talked about the librarians that helped them without judgment and the rare one that did judge. They talked about how it was a shame that libraries weren't treated with respect anymore. They talked about how people abuse the library, stealing books that others want to enjoy.

And I sat there, knowing full well that I owe twenty-five dollars in fines to the library that I can easily repay but I've been too fucking lazy to do and I was so ashamed at that moment (and now). So, Monday, I'll be calling the main branch and having my credit card charged for my fines. I'll be making a donation, too. I'm going to work harder at my classes.

I'm reassessing what I've been doing and how I look at the world. It's all navel gazing but, really, sometimes you need something to rock you out of complacency and I have to thank A for that.

Sorry this is so long and not under a cut but it feels wrong to hide their stories under a cut. These people are hidden away so much by society already that I feel ashamed for trying to hide them again. So, no cut and you can flay me for it, if you'd like.

With the recent spate of suicides, I'm fairly enraged and depressed and disheartened. It's nice seeing the Spirit Day Remembrance on October 20th. My question is - what are we going to do on October 19th? What about October 21st? What about January 3rd?

I don't mean this as a slight to the thought behind the Spirit Day Remembrance. It's a great, unifying action and I'll be wearing purple on that day.

Thing is, though, one unifying action, no matter how great, isn't a change in behavior. It's not a change in habit and it can be easily forgotten (not that I'm saying it will be).

I'd like to see a change in behavior, a change in habit, a unifying ongoing action. My suggestion is kindness. The next time someone holds a door open for you, smile at them and say thank you. The next time you're standing in line with hundreds of groceries and the person behind you has one, smile at them and offer to better their day so they don't have to wait for you. When someone says 'hello' to you, smile and say hello back.

You don't know what sort of day someone's having and that small act of kindness could very well make their day. I've had days where the only thing that was keeping me going was the idea that it took less energy to get through it than to end it and no one could've known but, thank the maker for the woman who held the door for me with a smile and a quick "anytime!" and for the guy that let me in front of him in line so I could get home and away from everything awful in my life. Thank the maker for the guy that let me out in traffic or the person who smiled at me and asked me how my day was going. Thank you to the person that bought my pop and the guy that offered to fill my tire when all I wanted to do was cry, hunched down beside my car in a Circle K parking lot because a flat tire was the straw that broke the camel's back as far as I was concerned.

Show you care about your fellow human beings every day.

If you have the time, volunteer for organizations. Obviously, I'm partial to animal welfare and LGBT organizations. Deliver meals to those suffering from AIDS. Work with troubled youth. Work with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Teach a hobby at your local youth center. Walk dogs at your local shelter and/or pet cats. Read to kids at the library or go through your stuff and donate what you don't use anymore (do you really fit into those jeans anymore? really?). Reach out and show that you care, every freaking day.

Get involved. It only takes a moment to send a letter to your congressperson and/or senator to tell them to support anti-bullying legislation that specifically protects LGBT youth. It's called the Safe Schools Improvement Act. It doesn't matter who your senator is, get involved (and I'm speaking as someone with John McCain and John Kyl as their senators here, so I've got the bigots and I'm still sending the letters). Hold them accountable.

Vote. Find out what officials are up for election and see what ones are LGBT friendly. Human Rights Campaign has a great way of doing it. Turns out that only one of my elected officials is endorsed. Guess who I'm not voting for - John McCain, John Kyl and Jan Brewer. Way to go, Gabrielle Giffords!

Stop saying "that's so gay" and ask others, too. When you say that, you are saying that "gay" = "stupid", "dumb", "ugly" and/or "awful". You are using a unique identifier as an insult and you are actively participating in a bullying culture.

Speak up. Where would Tyler Clementi have been if anyone had reached out to him and showed they cared? What would've happened if just one person watching that Twitter feed had spoken up and shut down the broadcast? What would've happened if one person would've said STFU to the bullying dumbfucks in any of the suicides? Would Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas or Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover be here right now if we would stick up for people when we see awful things happening?

Because one day is a fantastic show of solidarity but what do we do afterwards? Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover died on April 6th, 2009 and cries for stronger approaches to bullying happened then. We had the National Day of Silence (coincidentally on his birthday, April 17th, 2009) and what happened after that? What's happened since? Just more of the same if not even worse things. Let's not just talk the talk, let's walk the walk.

You want a kinder world? The world starts with you. It might only cost you a smile and a second's worth of time.

The meaning behind Veteran's Day is fantastic. It's a moment to celebrate Veteran's and the peace they fought and continue fighting for. But once that war is over, we, (at least Americans) have a habit of forgetting about them until once a year. Death tolls are to be ignored, photos are to be denied and the actual cost to these men and women are shuffled off amidst the hype of "we won. Go America" that sweeps the country. Mission Accomplished flight shenanigans piss me off so fiercely because the soldiers are still over there fighting and its only gotten worse.

Then, when they come back, there are hundreds of issues we, the non-military, cannot even possibly understand.

Homeless Veterans are more common than you think. In Arizona alone, there are only about 200 beds for the almost 4000 homeless veterans. 45% of them suffer from mental illness. Half have substance abuse problems. 47% served in Vietnam. 67% served the country for more than 3 years. 33% were stationed in war zones. On any given night, there are over 130,000 homeless veterans. The number is an estimate because no one can be bothered to keep accurate numbers of homeless let alone homeless veterans. (moar statistics)

If you can even spare five bucks, a local homeless organization can take that five bucks and help veterans in your area. You don't think five bucks makes that big of a deal? Let me tell you, five dollars can make or break a budget, determine if there's enough food for everyone they're serving, go towards an electric bill to heat a house and pay for water for a shower. Five dollars is important. It's a big mac for you, it's three servings of turkey and stuffing for them. So how about honoring Veteran's on this Veteran's Day by finding a local Veteran's support charity and donating five bucks?

In a more personal relationship with Veteran's Day, my family has always had at least one member of every generation in the military since New York was known as New Amsterdam. My brother and little sister were Air Force and Navy. My dad was Navy and my Uncle was Marines. My cousins are Army, Navy, Marines and Coast Guard. My Uncle served four tours of duty in Vietnam and never went to the Wall because it was too much for him, there were too many men he knew.

He barely ever talked about the war and that makes me sad because, all too often, we whitewash the actual cost of war and expect servicemen and women to go into the experience blind. Knowing that there are going to be missions where you're the only one that makes it back alive is necessary to preparing for war. Everyone should know about the cost so that maybe, just maybe, we don't have to send these men and women off to die. Maybe then, we won't mock diplomacy first and we'll show the utmost respect for our servicepeople by not putting their lives in danger without exhausting every other option first.

Rather than just honoring our fallen and those that have served, why don't we honor them by continuing to support them? It isn't just about the money, it's about fighting to make sure we don't endanger them any more than we have to by entering needless wars. It's about ensuring that there's enough healthcare so that, in 2008 alone, more than 2200 don't die because they didn't have insurance. It's about keeping them off the streets and sheltered. It's about honoring them day in and day out because they did and continue to do a job that some of us are incapable of doing. (and by some of us, I mean me)

Another thinkythought post that I found on my thumbdrive.

On Homosexuality and Warnings

I'm not at all certain that this is going to make much sense as it's more a ramble and thinkythoughts than anything clearly outlined and written in a logical fashion (Spock, I am not). That being said – here goes.

I'm extremely bothered by the way that Fandom (and this is Fandom as a whole whether it's Harry Potter, Star Trek, Supernatural, Four Brothers, The Departed or a thousand and one other fandoms) sometimes warns for possible homosexual content.

It really bothers me when I see a warning for pre-slash. It really, really bothers me. And the reason that it bothers me is because I never see the warning for pre-het. If Kirk and McCoy are flirting during a mission but nothing comes of it and it's just because Kirk is totes a flirting h0r, then I do not see it as pre-slash just like when a fic features Kirk flirting with Uhura, it is not pre-het. Yet the first gets a warning of "pre-slash" and the second is considered normal and a-ok.

This really gives me the squidgies, the squirmies, the what are we doing, why are we doing this, grossed-out feeling. I feel, and I'm certain you'll feel differently, that it's helping to encourage the heteronormative blinders when we, as slash fans, should not be reinforcing the heteronormative and warning for Other when we perv over that Other. We are objectifying and fetishizing other people's lives but we're not willing to work for acceptance? That's how it comes across to me – that I'm willing to read about the buttsexx0rs but I'm totally willing to make it easy for you, the heteronormative the-possibility-of-gay-people-scare-me person, to avoid the possibility that there might be teh gheys out there.

I get that we label works as pre-slash because that gets us more viewers and that's another issue entirely. I hate that gen has this reputation of "boring". It's not. It's awesome. There are some amazing buddy!fics out there that totally deserve to be read. There are some awesome buddy!art that should be recced to New Vulcan and back.

But in the end, pre-slash isn't slash just like pre-het isn't het. I don't see either as a valid warning just like I don't see "het" and "slash" as valid warnings. The fact is, when a couple are listed, that should be enough of a clue. If someone can't pick up on the fact that a fic features Kirk/Scotty when I clearly label it as such, than it's a buyer beware thing.

It's a personal decision but I refuse to read anything that warns for slash because I find it infantile if not offensive.

My position, to sum up, is: Stop warning for the sexuality of the characters in your fic, art, whatever. Just list out the pairings or the characters. I have a brain and can figure out that if you put Kirk/McCoy, you mean Kirk/McCoy even if they're not bumping uglies. I'll know that it's a homosexual relationship and can choose accordingly. And if you don't mean it as Kirk/McCoy, don't list it as such. List it as Kirk, McCoy and I'll know that it's buddy!fic. Stop with the warnings about pre-slash. If you mean it to be slash, even if it's not in-your-face buttsexx0rs, then list the pairing and move on. If you don't mean it as slash, then it's gen buddy!fic and w00t on that, too.

Other people are responding in a much more sane and logical manner to SEE and its crazy ass attempt to mask their quest to get their ship in canon by using the Greater Good of Gay Rights BBs than I ever could. I can't really think of anything other than GTFO. No, really, GTFO.

So instead of ragesplooging, I've decided to respond via crack. I present:

Wook's Totally and Completely Vulcan Logic Proof That Spock/Kirk Will Never Become Canon

It starts with a comparison between the two largest Sci-Fi/Fantasy tv/movie franchises - Buckaroo Bonzai Star Wars and Star Trek. Arguably, both of these have similar themes and morals in them. They both feature a quest of good versus evil, of addressing species dynamic and the subjugation of people and how bad it is. Plus, they both have some badass space ships that defy physics as we currently know them.

Thus, the logical basis of the proof is now established. Therefore, let us move on to the proof and the entire point of this discussion - the characters.

First, we have the farm boy who drives fast things, stares dramatically into sunset(s), has major daddy issues, lives with possibly-abusive father-figures, dreams of going into space and meets ship captains that make it happen. Thus, Jim Kirk=Luke Skywalker. come on, it's totally abusive not to let Luke go into Toshi Station and pick up some "power converters". A young man has needs, after all!

Then, we have the crotchety older man that becomes a sort-of quasi guide to the farm boy. This man is snarky, hot, slick, and, rescues the farm boy multiple times, and bitches about doing the right thing a lot but, eventually, does it all while looking really fucking hot and badass. Thus, Leonard McCoy=Han Solo.

Thirdly, we have the poor soul who loses a planet and has to witness the genocide of their people all because of an evil megalomaniac that has a giant chip on their shoulder and a big fucking machine to ensure that said genocide happens (and did I mention the part where they're held captive by said genocidal and evil megalomaniac?). Thus, Spock=Leia Organa.

Once we look at these three comparisons, you can see that Kirk/Spock cannot happen on the big screen and will be left in fanfiction because Kirk/Spock is extrapolated incest. They might kiss but the kiss will be purely platonic and will only exist to further the only truly acceptable homosexual pairing. That leaves us with Kirk/McCoy for the only viable homosexual pairing.

Also, because I'm full of it tonight and had nothing else to do, I've extrapolated more characters. Brace yourself.

( Sulu, Chekov, Keenser, Scotty, Uhura, and Pike )

Anyone else want to offer up a few?

Moar thinky thoughts. So I posted what I consider a gen story here (minor spoilers for Star Trek XI). To me, the story isn't about a relationship or anything, it's about Leonard McCoy and what leads him into Starfleet.

It was listed as het with "Leonard McCoy/OFC" at a newsletter. I'm not saying that as a bad thing. It's cool, the newsletter can list it as whatever they want cause it's their newsletter. I can sort of see where they got it from but, IMHO, it's not het. It's gen.

Which brings me to my thinky thoughts. What makes you think a fic is gen versus het/slash? Does the appearance of any sort of relationship in a fic (whether the focus is on the relationship or not) make you think that it's het/slash? Or can it have a relationship in it but not focus primarily on that relationship and, thus, it's gen?

Example -

I write a story about Molly being married to Arthur Weasley.

Story A features the two of them having a romantic dinner. That's het, right?

Story B features the two of them taking care of Fred and George. That's gen, right?

But what about if, during Story B, I mention Arthur and Molly sharing a hug (in a "thank god we're not dead" sort of way)? Is that het or gen? They're still just parenting and that's the point of the story. But does the appearance of any sort of "sexual" contact make it het instead of gen?

( My thoughts )

So what are your thoughts?

I had had every intention of being a good fangirl and holding off and waiting for the X-Men movie. BUT, then it got leaked, someone on my flist squeed and I caved. I admit it. I caved so fast that I reached the center of the earth before I took another breath, that's how far and deep and fast my cave went. (ok, come on, work with me here, my brain is mush)

OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. I called elanorofcastile and the entire message was squee and giggles and OH MY GOD. She had to call me back just to figure out what the fuck I was talking about.

The only critical thing I could say is "needs moar Gambit" cause it totes should be X-Men Origins: Gambit :P.

GAH. I cannot wait to see the finished copy in the theatre. Now it's even harder to wait. GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH OMG

Having said that, I think I've told this story before but I can't find the post so... here's how I came to slash fandom. See, I started out in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. There I abandoned my first WIP. As I was cruising ff.net in a desperate search for something other than work to do and I thought to myself "well, self, you like Gambit, look for fanfiction". I found an awesome story and it was labelled slash and I had no idea what that meant. Little did I know that i would be sucked into X-Men fandom and, from there, decide to look for Harry Potter and, baddabing baddaboom, here I am.

Wolverine/Gambit is, by far, my favorite pairing in X-Men. I love Bobby/John. I've read Beast/Bobby and Wolverine/Nightcrawler but, for me, I always come back to Wolverine/Gambit. They have such similar personalities and, yet, they're very different. Their backstories (all billion and one of them), their interactions, their attitudes, their powers, everything pulls me in and keeps me going back.

It's one of the few pairings that I'll give a bit of fanon a pass. For comicsverse slash, here is a fairly complete archive.

In canon, Gambit has multiple mutations. He has physical mutations - his eyes are red thus his nickname, Le Diable Blanc. He has, depending on interpretation, two "talents" - kinetic energy and "charm". The charm, in a lot of fanfiction, turns into empathy. Regardless of the empathy factor, he has three known mutations.

In fanon worlds, Remy(gambit) is abused on the streets, normally a street hustler and prostitute. There's plenty of stories where he isn't but that's the fanon characterization. Some I don't mind, some I like, most I hate.

( moar thoughts on Gambit in Fandom...a mini-rant )

For those that are just getting started in X-Men fandom due to the Wolverine movie, there's a a brilliant Remy/Gambit fansite that will tell you almost everything you need to know about Le Diable Blanc in the comics.

Now that I've introduced Gambit, maybe I could tempt a few of you into writing and drawing Wolverine/Gambit. Plz?

Post of links:

jesus christ, that only took over a year and a metric shittonne of money. Thanks RDR for proving that you're a bunch of dicks but at least you're finally-getting-smart dicks. Or, more likely, poor ickle SVA wants to sell books so he begged/pleaded his way into getting RDR to shut the fuck up.

On to the rest which are all recs from various holiday exchanges:

Le Songe by remeciel. The first set of art is absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. Remus/Sirius

Parts of a Whole - Remus/Sirius. Yes, I obviously know who the author is but dude. AWESOMENESS. Complete and total awesomeness. My favorite bit is the hand fisted in the shirt.

( ramble about explicit smut versus UST inspired by the above )

Contoured Bodies (Seamus/Lavender) IDK that I buy that this is Seamus and Lavender as Lavender's skin is unmarred after getting ravaged by Fenrir and I really cannot see that what with how scarred-up Remus and Bill are/were. However, that aside, I think it's a beautiful tender piece that definitely deserves a look. And then another one.

Back to my rs_small_gifts fic. Which is going to kill me.

In less photo meme news - work is kicking my ass. We're implementing five new large projects by August 1st. I'm spearheading all of them. For the next week and a half - I will be conducting training sessions on a timekeeping software system that I'm only half trained on meself. I had to be at work at 7am this morning and have to be back at 7am tomorrow. The nap, however, totally fucked over my sleep schedule. I'm also rolling out a new office supply inventory system (JIT FTW!), new merchant service ageements, our annual audit and redoing how we handle billing of customers (as we didn't have billable customers a year ago). GAH. Too much to do and not enough time in the day to do it.

Add in that, honestly, I was tired and annoyed at work so when I got a call from a friend, I leapt at the opportunity to go to happy hour with her. Prickly Pear Margaritas (of which, I forgot to take a photo) FTMFW. They were so nummeh. I got my friend trashed, we bashed dating/marriage (she's starting the divorce process due to some wtfery on her "husband"'s part) and it was all good. I poured her into her house with her mum and headed home where I promptly fell asleep in the middle of a chat. Proof positive that I am OTP with someone.

Psuedo-Random observation: Rabid shippers in any fandom really scare the crap out of me. I don't get how a character flaw is proof of twu wuv in one ship while proof positive that there cannot be love in another ship. Dude. That character will act as that character as that character unless something really major happens. IE - Harry is not going to change how he reacts to things whether he is with Hermione, Ginny, Snape or Draco. He is still going to have his chest monster. Isn't that part of why we love him? (and no, this isn't about HP shipping wars)

Also - sort of along that line - I think killing off a character to solve a love triangle is the height of lazy and sloppy writing. That was my complaint in the *Uglies Series by Scott Westerfield* (Highlight to read as it contains spoilers) and that's my complaint if it happens in a tv show. It's like writers think that if a person chooses one love interest over another, they'll show that person to actually be *gasp* human. Or it's cowardice because the writer doesn't want to piss off the rabid shippers of whatever ship it is.

I'm still in love with this icon.