Sporking

Oct. 10th, 2010 10:08 pm
wook77: (FAIL BOAT)
You ever read a book and think, "this shit is so bad that I have to share it with the world"?

Below, is a c/p of a sex scene in a book called Bareback Mountain by Frank Sol. It is, hands down, the worst sex scene I have ever read. I laughed so hard I started choking. I scared my dogs as my laughter echoed off the walls of my room.

armpit licking, man-juice, gobbling, uncut prime piece of meat and when no means yes, all for the opportunity to slurp everything out of a fleshy tube )

I'm suddenly feeling a lot better about my own writing...

ETA:
"Poke, poke, poke," Clint said. "Oh, I just love poking things. Poke, poke, poke, WHAM!" and Clint shoved his hard dick up Jesse's ass.


DYING
wook77: (books)
Reviews: All M/M Recs. Het edition coming.

I know the last few review posts were filled with snark but, honestly, most of the books I've read this year are crap. This post, however, is full of gems. I recommend each of these highly.

I will be linking to All Romance eBooks as they offer a really great rebate program (buy 10, get 1 free plus rebate cash to use towards future purchases depending on the book/publisher). I do not receive a commission or anything. Feel free to buy where you want from. I just happen to really like the rebate program here.

Strawberries for Dessert by Marie Sexton ) 10 out of 10
Bewitched by Bella's Brother by Amy Lane )10 out of 10
Keeping Promise Rock by Amy Lane )10 out of 10 (conditionally)
Making Promises by Amy Lane )10 out of 10
Jacob's Ladder by ZA Maxfield )10 out of 10
St. Nacho's by ZA Maxfield )10 out of 10
Physical Therapy by ZA Maxfield )10 out of 10
Seeing You by Dakota Flint )10 out of 10
Carol of the Bellskis by Astrid Amara )10 out of 10
Double Blind by Heidi Cullinan )10 out of 10
Winner Takes All by Jenny Urban )10 out of 10
Finding Zach by Rowan Speedwell )9 out of 10
Mobry's Dick by KZ Snow )10 out of 10
wook77: (books)
Reviews (More Not Good) Good to come. Promise

Freaks in Love by TA Chase )5 out of 10
Brothers without Borders by Lieland Dale )2 out of 10
Heart of the Mountain: A Loving Hart by Leiland Dale )2 out of 10
Be The Air For You by TA Chase )3 out of 10
Shining in the Sun by Alex Beecroft )3 out of 10
Because It's True by Willa Okati )3 out of 10
Bound by Nature by Cooper Davis )6 out of 10
Curious (A dreamspinner Anthology) ) Overall, 4 out of 10. There were a few stories in this anthology I would rate as 8 out of 10.
wook77: (books)
All M/M books that were either appalling, sporktacular or just bad. Or all three. (otherwise known as "how the hell do these things get published?!)

Simple Men or simple is definitely how'd I describe it – as in simply offensive ) 1 out of 10
Gatekeeper or the book where everyone cries all the time )1 out of 10
Coming Home or the book where you will never look at anything plum-colored the same way again )2 out of 10
Hero or the book where the author took life as a house far too literally. Or what do you get when a kitsune and a sea sprite mate? A were-house. )1 out of 10 for "good" but 10 out of 10 for "lulz".
Cursed or the fic where you have one long-haired twin falling for a werewolf that his family cursed so he has buttsex to save the werewolf's son from the family curse )1 out of 10
Betrayed or the book about the other gay twin from Guardian. AKA, yes, I am that dumb as to buy the second book. )1 out of 10
Hayashi's Heroes or yayes for I wouldn't be gay if we weren't all under some outside controlling power except for angsting!japanese american guy. That guy's a flamer and we always knew it books )1 out of 10
Water or the fic where I got so annoyed that, if this book had been in print, I would've threw it against a wall and then set it on fire )1 out of 10
Snared or the book where I started counting the usage of martin )1 Martin out of 10
Sylvan or the book where the lack of research shows ) 2 out of 10
Company Man or What The Fuck Just Happened IDEK )1 out of 10
wook77: (karl urban is a badassmotherfucker)
Everything I Needed to Know About Life, I Learned From Sesame Street (and Mister Hooper)


Sesame Street's anniversary makes me grin and shake my head and realize that I'm getting old. I grew up on Sesame Street. To really get an understanding of how much Sesame Street, 3-2-1 Contact, Electric Company and Mister Roger's Neighborhood meant to me, I need to explain where I grew up and what little exposure to the outside world I had.

I lived out in the middle of bumfuck. We had 20 acres, most of which went back to woods with deer that would walk around our orchard looking for fruit. We had a garden that was a few acres big and we, for the most part, grew all of our veggies and fruit. We made our own jelly, canned our own tomatoes and I cannot tell you how awesome it was to steam up our own asparagus.

My driveway was half a mile long and we owned a snowplow that broke more often than it worked. We lived in a huge dip in the road and that dip resulted in me, literally, walking uphill both ways to school. In the snow. My walk to the school bus was over a mile long. One year, for Girl Scouts, as part of our environmental awareness campaign, we had to count the cars that drove past a major intersection near our houses at rush hour. I had 3. All day. For sitting at that intersection for 4 hours.

So all this is to say that there's a reason we only got three stations, the local ABC affiliate, the local NBC affiliate and PBS. Cable? HA! We would've had to pay for the poles to go down our street and our driveway!My family and I devoured the PBS because it was either that or movies (rented from the nearest movie rental place that was a 30 minute drive away and was a mom-and-pop store) as far as young children went. We watched everything. 3-2-1 Contact was huge in our house. I learned about electricity and helping others and science. Mister Roger, on the other hand, scared me. It had something to do with the changing the sweaters and the shoes. IDK, my little kid brain was weird. Or, god, Captain Kangaroo. That show ROCKED.

But, by and far, the most popular show in my house was Sesame Street. I remember Gordon, Luis, Maria, Linda, and Bob. I remember signing along with the songs and dancing about as Big Bird and Oscar taught me about caring and sharing. I remember learning a bit of Spanish and that pinball routine where they taught you to count. (and I might still sing it) here is a link and you'll be singing it for hours afterwards. It's addictive.

I remember learning about death when Mister Hooper died (offscreen) of a heart attack. I remember my mum and dad sitting down with my older sister, my older brother and me and talking to us about how sometimes, when people get old, their hearts give out. I remember crying and wondering where Mister Hooper was because who was going to run the store and sell paperclips to Bert if Mister Hooper wasn't there.



I just rewatched it again and, I'm not ashamed to admit, I still teared up and sniffled.
Moar on Mister Hooper and Sesame Street )

What's your favorite episode of Sesame Street? What do you remember from it? What's your favorite muppet?

my favorite are mostly embedded below )
wook77: (miss you)
Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews ) 7 out of 10
Magic Burns by Ilona Andrews ) 7 out of 10
Nightlife, Madhouse, and Moonshine by Rob Thurman ) collectively a 9 out of 10
Sign of Seven Series by Nora Roberts ) collectively – 6 out of 10
The Last Legion – hot people doing tedious things ) 7 out of 10
Transporter – Jason Statham kicking ass )6 out of 10
Jesus – or plz god never make me watch this movie again ) 2 out of 10
Driving Lessons or Rupert Murdoch is cute but omg boring ) 5 out of 10
State of Grace or how wook hit such a state of grace during this movie she fell asleep ) 3 out of 10

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian or OMG BEN BARNES!!!! ) 10 out of 10
The Lookout or huh, who knew that Joseph Gordon-Levitt can act ) 9 out of 10
George and the Dragon or yet another D&D Remake ) 8 out of 10
Elizabeth or I shouldn't listen to critics too much ) 7 out of 10
The Fast and The Furious or it is what it is ) 8 out of 10
The Fast and the Furious 2 or where's my vinny? ) 7 out of 10
Beerfest or wtf, why am I watching this and omg why am I enjoying this?! ) 8 out of 10
in the name of the king - dungeon seige tale or yet another d&d remake ) 7 out of 10
10000 BC or hot dudes in loin cloths with a smattering of plot somewhere ) 7 out of 10
Waterhorse or cute little kid movie ) 8 out of 10
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry ) 9 out of 10
Dead Letter Office or sucks as a movie but good as a film )8 out of 10
Veronica Guerin or it reached and missed )6 out of 10
Saint of 9/11 or meh )7 out of 10
wook77: (gwb is ebil)
I am appalled at how behind I am. So here goes - a few catch-up reviews. Standard disclaimers apply - spoilers and such are rampant throughout. Books I highly recommend have links so you can get a better description of the plot.

After this? there's only 52 more to go that I've accomplished so far. :/ When I say behind, I really really mean behind.

Books:
Persepolis by Marjane SatrapiI couldn't relate... )7 out of 10
Silver Master by Jayne Castlefor what it is, it's enjoyable )8 out of 10
Child of a Dead God by Barb and JC HendeeAwesome series that everyone should read if they like fantasy novels ) 10 out of 10
Chasing Midnight by Susan KrinardSusan Krinard is moved off my  ) 4 out of 10
Lick of Forst by Laurell K. Hamilton*points and laughs* )A surprising 4 out of 10 (because of the lulz)
Strangers in DeathStill Awesome Series ) 9 out of 10
All Night Long by Jayne Krentzinteresting story that didn't give away the main enemy until just the right moment )10 out of 10
Wait Until Midnight by Amanda Quickmeh ) 3 out of 10
The River Knows by Amanda Quick better than Wait Until Midnight but not up to the normal expectations ) 6 out of 10
The Paid Companion by Amanda Quick Getting there... ) 7 out of 10
Lie by Moonlight by Amanda Quick this is more like it )9 out of 10

A Few Recs

Sep. 21st, 2008 07:26 pm
wook77: (ollian buss)
I've been promising links to a few of my favourite GLBT books.

The first is Kirith Kirin. I reviewed it before and it maintains a very high spot on my favourite book list. A small caveat - I would not read the continuation of the series. It devolves into a weird world that I didn't enjoy.

Lynn Flewelling. No, srsly. She has two series - Nightrunner series feature a gay couple as the two main heroes. Every book (but the last one which I hated) is well written. I have high hopes for the next book as the author took the concrit and worked on the issues and promised to improve the issues. So give this series a try.

The second series is Tamir Trilogy features a transgendered heroine. It's a fantastic concept and it's fairly well executed. I quite like this series.

So there are some of my favourite books. Do you have any recommendations?

Finally, a few more fandom things - I've been promising a link to this story - Why Sex Ed Should Stay in Schools - it's a Sesame Street slash story and omg. The lulz. I talked about this at Terminus a lot. I've talked about this story in chats and on vacation and just go read it. It's seriously amazingly crackalicious.

Verbotene Liebe playlist. Srsly awesome in a semi-poorly-acted German and subtitled sort of way.
wook77: (wtf - politics)
I have had a really bad headache all day. I think it's 95% caused by "someone is wrong on the internets" syndrome, 4% caused by the weather and 1% caused by genetics.

[livejournal.com profile] rs_games is posting Round II. Why not pop over and give it a try? It's going a lot more smoothly than before. There have been some rather awesome stories. Especially by Team Experience Wins Every Time versus Team Why Is My Willie Hard And What Is It Really Supposed To Do?.

I have thinky thoughts on what being a mod is all about but I'll leave it for another day.

I spent the evening off either sleeping or reading the trashiest novels ever. The current one isn't even well written. SNARK AHOY!

In fact, Review of Soul Song by Marjorie Liu. To sum up - merman rentboy and that's the best part )

Final Verdict? 3 out of 10 if just for the crack factor.

The other one, I spent good money on, all of three dollars and thirty eight cents. The Nymph King by Gena Showalter )

Final Verdict: A surprising 5 out of 10. At least it didn't have a bunch of typos.

Finally, the last book I've read in the past day and a half - A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole )

Final Verdict: 6 out of 10.
wook77: (Deamus - Kiss)
My gift at [livejournal.com profile] hpvalensmut has been posted and it is, to put it mildly, fucking awesome.

Finish to Start - Deamus NC-17.

Summary - In which Dean Thomas has a vivid imagination and draws a picture. A relationship in reverse.

Warnings: wall!sex; hand kink; irish gaelic; unrequited love; the rambling thoughts of an artistic mind

Ok - first reaction when I read the warnings - oh god, not again. Not another artsyfartsy stupid incomprehensible story**. Not another story where the names could be lola or harry or boba fett. Please Lord, you would not be that cruel.

** - when I say artsyfartsy stupid incomprehensible story, I do not mean the one you think I mean. In fact, you probably have no idea what frelling story I'm speaking about. Please don't assume that whatever story you think this might be about is the right one or even *GASPSHOCKAMAZEMENT* the right fandom. Have you seen my userinfo? Have you seen how many fandoms I participate in? Cryptic much on this? Yep. I'm just tired of people assuming they know what story I'm speaking about.

spoilery review of the story )

January 2012

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