Voice Post

[wook77]

This is my response to mayflo's dare to read porn on a voicepost. Be warned, I have a shitty voice, a tendency to giggle at words like "cunt" and "pussy", a tendency to interject reactions and more. Even more of a warning... this is HET! This is NOT Slash! This is POORLY WRITTEN HET PORN!

Final warning - I recorded this in my car on my cellphone so hopefully the quality is A-OK.

Posted friends only as I don't want this getting back to the original author of the story.

Comments

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

*snickers madly* I had to drag my sis in to hear this with me... *cackles* *glomps* I think that mayflo owes you... *snerks*

[fungus-files.livejournal.com]

LOL. and just for good measure - LOL again. :)

that was much fun. lovely to hear your voice and particularly loved your interjections (you made the porn listen-able!).

Hermione/missionary position...*scrubs brain* :P

[mayflo.livejournal.com]

*rotflmao*

*hee hee*

Currently I'm incapable of any speech (writing or otherwise) XD

I'll get back to you when my mad!gigglefit subsides *bwahahahaha*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*blush* You had your sister listen to my shitty voice reading porn?

*groans*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*blushes again*

My voice is horrible... it's all deep and masculine and nasally. That's what I get for being born in the Northeast USA.

I'm glad I made the porn listenable... I'd read it in my head once but then while I was reading it out loud, I just said my WTF moments. This loverly piece of porn was actually pointed out to me by someone else...I just had to share it with you all.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

You are now officially *teh ebil*.

I'm blushing horribly as this is the first time anyone here has heard my voice and I'm reading porn. GAH.

[wearethestars.livejournal.com]

OMG... you ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

"Charlie, fuck me..." Your Hermione voice is great....

"man she needs to get that checked" ROTFLMAO....

YES!!!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG... so worth the drive home.

THANK YOU!!!! and Thank you mayflo

[wearethestars.livejournal.com]

At least she didn't make you sing. *facepalm*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! (did it cheer you up?)

The original story is on smutty_claus. I think you'll be able to find it from there. There are more parts I skipped over that are just as horrendous.

I'm glad you liked my interjections.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

lmao, good point... but wait until I get to yours, you ebil person!

[annella.livejournal.com]

OH GOD that was the FUNNIEST thing ever! :D I loved your commentary, it was fantastic. And yeah, that's gotta be the worst het porn I've ever encountered. *L*

*posted porn by voicepost, voluntarily* *blush*

[wearethestars.livejournal.com]

MUAHAHAHAH!

[wearethestars.livejournal.com]

OMG... that's on smutty_claus??? Oh, dear.

It did cheer me up. I laughed so loud my dog barked at me.

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

*snickers* She thought it was damned funny, tho... :D

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed! There were quite a few HUHWHA?! moments there. I kept waiting for throbbing staff of manflesh or something equally romance-novel-cheesey to come up.

*snirt* on the voluntary thing. I may have to start doing this with horribly written pr0n from here on out. It was quite a bit of fun, even if I did giggle quite a bit.

[annella.livejournal.com]

That would be fantastic... wook's weekly commentary on Bad Porn. :D

I've only ever read my own work, so it's all slash... personally I think people just wanted to hear me say 'cock'... and you are SO right about there being no good words for a woman's bits, it's possibly one of the reasons I don't like het. *L*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

If people enjoy it enough... it may just be a weekly thing... I enjoyed reading it even if I giggled.

Yeah, where are the nice words for a woman's hoochie/hoo-hoo/vagina type thing? I have to admit, I kept wanting to stress the word cock when I was reading.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I was just talking down below with smutella that this may become a weekly thing. I'll have to search out horribly written pr0n and then read it for you all... it sounds pretty entertaining and it doesn't involve singing.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Since my flist has seemed to enjoy this, I was talking to smutella below about possibly doing this on a weekly basis...it might be fun.

[mayflo.livejournal.com]

Yeash, I'm an ebil enabler and damn proud of it too *g*

It's now official that you're a sweetheart!! GOSH, how I loved your interjentions *grin* You gorgeous thing, I LOVED your voice!! So very American <333 Funny and sweet all at once XD

Thanks sooo much for doing this! *huggles* You do know I adore you for doing this, right? After all, you're my Draco to my (alter ego) Snape *wriggles fingers for the spanking* :B

[mayflo.livejournal.com]

*tee hee* I'm an ebil enabler (and enjoying every bit of it) :9

[mayflo.livejournal.com]

I "owns" her, more like *snicker* After all, she's Draco to my Snape *hee* :B

[wearethestars.livejournal.com]

Wail until she does mine. :)

[yodels.livejournal.com]

That was too much funny for one evening. Thank you. I may have to go search out the fic.

[annella.livejournal.com]

The one time I wrote het, I found myself overusing the words 'clit' and 'folds' cause really the other words are just nasty!

You should totally do it. I think a lot of people need the de-stressing laughter at this time of year. :D

[j-folked.livejournal.com]

LMFAO!!!

The best part of all were your interjections. You are brilliant event if the fic sucked and not in a life affirming way.

*laughs so hard her secretary comes to ask yet again was going on*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

keep in mind the ending about the "red ass" and you'll find it fairly quickly.

It's on smutty_claus.

Gah, it was horrible. I'm now searching out more badly written pr0n so that I can maybe post another next week. I need an icon for it.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*snirt* glad you enjoyed it. You listened to it at work?! OMG.

The fic is worse than what i read. I actually skipped a bunch of it to get it to fit in the 5 minute timeframe.

I hope I cheered you up with this!

[j-folked.livejournal.com]

Ye, I listened to it at work but my coworkers don't speak English. The one that does is fairly awful at it so I really don't think she would have been able to understand a thing.

It was so funny. Awful, awful fic. I've read good het but that was just awful. Please email me the link.

[malikamoonbeam.livejournal.com]

*laughs* That was very entertaining. I'm so glad you did the dare. I agreed with everything you said about the poorly-written het porn.

On another note, I thought your voice sounded good!!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*snirt* I got your first comment where you said, "even if you were sick"... the funny thing is, I wasn't. at all. That nasal quality is just due to place of birth.

I'm always up for dares here. Yours is next on my writing list. I shall be posting de's tonight. I just have to finish planning it.

[allil-de.livejournal.com]

ok yea, confusing fic. loved the inerjections and comments, too funny. i love the fact that you skipped a bit and read through it as fast as you could.....i laughed so hard. het fics are so "missionary wednsday nights with the lights off". ^^!***

[wook77.livejournal.com]

You noticed the superfast reading, eh? Yeah, it was horribly written.

I've decided that this is going to be a weekly thing, for as long as I remember to do it. I had way too much fun doing this.

So, stay tuned next week for either Harry/Hermione or Hermione/Lucius. They're far far far too great to ignore.

[malikamoonbeam.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Yes, well, I knew you weren't sick. I originally thought that De had posted your post since she usually does phone posts, she has dares to do, and you do sound like her a tad bit. So that's why I said the sick part because I knew she was sick. So that's even worse than thinking you were sick, hey?

Oh, goody!! I can't wait to see the results of my dare. :-D