(no subject)

[wook77]

I love the idea of Christmas. As an Almost-a-Nun sort of person, I adore the Christmas story. I love the magi and that Joseph believed Mary when she really could have been stoned for that whole possible pre-marital sex thing. I love the beauty and the wonder of the season. I listen to Christmas carols all year long. I LOVE the idea of Christmas.

I hate the actual implementation. I hate having to be polite over shitty gifts. I hate that I ask for specific things and I don't get them. Every year, I get my hopes up that this year will be different, that my family will read "I'd really like you all to go together for my birthday and Christmas and combine all these gifts into one gift!!! I just want x this year!" as meaning, I just want x and not a bunch of other crap I have no need or use for.

I'm not saying i don't appreciate the thought. It's just that there isn't any thought to the gifts.

For example - Christmas 2003 - I received the Cowlender (a Calendar with cows that have horrible puns in little bubbles coming out of their mouths) for 2003. That's right, one of my gifts, I was able to use for 6 days. At least it wasn't broken. Three of my other gifts that year were broken and were actually purchased that way.



Christmas 2004 - I received a fluffy cow toilet seat cover. I wore it as a hat as part of my Halloween costume the next year. The thing was misshapen and scary, to be perfectly honest. I also received a timer that didn't work (another cow thing where you twisted the udders to time your baking) and a book in Russian though I've never studied Russian.

Christmas 2005 - I received a vinyl laminate milk carton "coozie", the thing that you can put around the milk carton to keep it cool for the two seconds it'll be out of the fridge. Possibly thoughtful gift if - a.) I drank/used milk (I'm lactose intolerant liekwhoa and haven't actually bought milk in two years) and b.) It didn't have the opening for the pouring spout in the wrong spot.

Every year, I get fancy chocolates from coworkers and friends when they all CLEARLY know that I'm allergic to chocolate. The reason that I know that they know? I make a point of saying it so that they won't spend the money on chocolates I won't eat and that are slightly dangerous to my health.

This year? All I wanted was an xbox 360. I wanted ALL my family to go in on birthday and christmas and put it ALL together into one gift, one box under the tree and I would've been happy. What did I get? A vacuum. Yeah, you read right. I got a vacuum. Oh, and I got a super heavy winter coat that is a country scene with cows grazing in a field cause what you need in Arizona is a winter coat that's so heavy, eskimos wouldn't need it. Did I forget to mention the matching hat? Cause there's a matching hat that looks like a tricorn hat and a beanie got together and had sex and this is their love child.

I hate the forced smiles and the "gee golly gosh, wow, you shouldn't have"s. I won't say thank you for a gift I'm not thankful for... it goes against my sense of honesty. Ugh, I hate the implementation of Christmas.


So now that I've shared about my crappy gift luck, what are some of the worst gifts you've ever received? Worst gift wins a prize though I have no idea what that prize will be. Can you top the milk coozie? The tricorn cowprint hat?

Comments

[annella.livejournal.com]

Holy moley. I'm afraid I can't top the milk coozie or anything else. :( And. Chocolate? Jesus fucking CHRIST. You should find out what your co-workers are allergic to or hate, and buy it for them! That's what I'd do. *is pissed off on your behalf*

My worst Christmas was a few years back, just before I moved out of home. I got a frying pan, a whole lot of cutlery and plates - shit I needed, but it was the most boring Christmas ever.

This year, I asked for a couple of dvd sets. That's all I wanted, really. DVDs. I told mum and dad many many times that I wanted these dvds. I got cookbooks. *eyeroll* The best present I got was from my fiance's parents! I hated the fact that mum told me she wasn't going to buy me these dvds because SHE didn't like the shows. Wtf, mum? They're not for you! Sigh...

[wook77.livejournal.com]

That blows monkey chunks that your mum used that reasoning on you. *glares at her for you*

Also - Happy birthday!!!!!! I'm glad it's going better!

[ficlette.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's much that can top yours. Seriously, wtf? Who the hell thinks of that shit? Although my father has gotten me some beautiful gifts in years past. Excluding this year, the last presents I got from him were:

- a "lightning tube" - it was a tube (shockingly enough), with a spring on the end and it made a sound like thunder when you shook it. HOURS of fun for the whole family.

- a collectible car. Speaks volumes about my interests, as you can clearly see.

- a charm for a charm bracelet. Cute, a little blue moon with a white star. Pity I didn't own a charm bracelet.




...It was a festive year!!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

The tube sounds very close to the coozie. You might just get a prize...

[best-of-five.livejournal.com]

w0t i want to know is what the fuck you do to these people and santa throughout the year to be blessed with all this gifty goodness :D

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I don't do anything to them.

[altiloquent.livejournal.com]

Nothing. NOTHING. Can top the milk cozie.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Perhaps something can... you never know. I'll keep hoping that something can top it. Perhaps something involving clones... oh wait, yeah, nevermind on that one.

[coffeejunkii.livejournal.com]

hahaha!!! that really is up there with "wtf gifts" of all time :).

[oconel]

Is it me, or all those presents are cow related?

(except the chocolate unless it has milk)

[wook77.livejournal.com]

They are all cow related. I made the mistake of telling my father that I liked cows when I was 12. It's been crappy Christmas gifts since then.

[akakat.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can top your string of lame giftage, but I do have a fun story about a bad gift.
My bother gave me a room deionizer a couple years ago. In case you're unfamiliar with this handy little device (and lord help you if you aren't), allow me to explain.
A room deionizer comes in a box that is the size and shape of a brick but approximately twice the weight. Inside this box are instructions in a bad translation from Japanese (“place contraption in water placid”) and several meters of cord attached to an inexplicably heavy metal object that resembles a yoyo with a handle. The instructions imply that you should plug this into your wall socket and then dump the unit into a bucket of water.
I have occasionally wondered if my brother was really trying to kill me with this gift. Only an idiot would follow these instructions.
Of course, my brother and I are in fact idiots. We didn’t die, or even get severely electrocuted. Amazingly, the gizmo worked. Well, that is if “deionize” actually means “get everything wet”. It emitted large clouds of cold, wet smoke. It was similar to dry-ice smoke, only very, very wet. My room was damp for days.
On the plus side, if you put a finger in the bucket of water you'd get a small electric shock.
No, I'm not sure how that's the plus side.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that is hilarious!

If you were in the middle of exam season and were pulling an all-nighter... everytime you went to fall asleep, poke a finger into the bowl and BAM! You're awake again! (that's a plus side, right?)

I'm laughing my ass off at the story! Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[anunseengenius.livejournal.com]

... Damn. I really don't have anything that tops milk coozies.

... I LOVE YOU?! :(

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Ilu too!

[waterbird.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I don't think I've ever gotten anything really really bad like that. A milk cozy? A 2003 calendar in December 2003?! You poor thing. *hugs*

The best worst gift I can think of has less to do with the actual gift (a knickknack of Kuala Lumpur's Petronas Twin Towers) and more to do with the tactlessness with which it was given by my neighbour, who is originally from Malaysia: 'You don't have any twin towers anymore, but we do.' Big smile, as if that was the cleverest thing anyone could ever say.

(For the record, though, I do hate knickknacks, too.)

Anyway ... what's with the cow theme? :)

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Yeah and that's not mentioning the very large bag of crap I take to Salvation Army every Saturday after Chirstmas.

That story right there? What the crap? Seriously? GAH!!!! TACTLESS MORON!!!

Knickknacks are from Satan *nods*.

I mentioned to my father (when I was 12) that cows were my favourite animal. It's been downhill since then. If they make some sort of horrible cow thing? I'll end up with it.

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

First of all, what is up with your family giving you cow things? I don't think I recall you mentioning any fascination with bovines...

I got a Chia pet once!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I love cows and I get some really nice cow stuff. Like the Cow Parade Cows (http://www.cowparade.com) are really cool and I adore them. But this country crap? I hate it. My dad always gets me something completely worthless that I have to scramble to think of something polite to say. I HATE it.

Was there ever a world where Chia pets were cool? Cause I don't think there was.

[coffeejunkii.livejournal.com]

wow. i'm afraid i've never had such bad gift experiences :(. what i don't get is how your family thought a vacuum would be a better present if you so clearly stated what you wanted? and what's up with all the cow stuff?

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I told my family that next year? They can keep whatever money they were going to spend on me and buy themselves something with it. That's my gift to them. I don't want anything and I'm not buying anything.

I come up with a list every year and they blatantly ignore it. Sound familiar? Yeah, my luck goes everywhere...

I love cows, made the mistake of mentioning this to my father who thought it was the bee's knees to start getting me horrible cow crap. I even have cow sheets that have never fit any bed I've ever owned. I finally cut them up and used them as backing to a quilting project.

[coffeejunkii.livejournal.com]

somehow i feel that even that message might not get through to them.

sadly, that does sound familiar! but hey, you got a nice gift for hd_remix :).

ahh, okay. yes, i can see how that would be a mistake. your family is probably at a loss of what to get you [never mind that you told them!] and then thinks, "but wook likes cows! let's get her another cow themed-thing!".

[unintendedmuse.livejournal.com]

Dean, Penelope, Bill and Ron make for all the crappy RL stuff, yes?

[wook77.livejournal.com]

They totally do!!!!!

[puja.livejournal.com]

Holy crap that blows! (I just realized that I'm talking like a superhero sidekick)

Can you return/exchange any of the stuff?