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wook77Other people are responding in a much more sane and logical manner to SEE and its crazy ass attempt to mask their quest to get their ship in canon by using the Greater Good of Gay Rights BBs than I ever could. I can't really think of anything other than GTFO. No, really, GTFO.
So instead of ragesplooging, I've decided to respond via crack. I present:
Wook's Totally and Completely Vulcan Logic Proof That Spock/Kirk Will Never Become Canon
It starts with a comparison between the two largest Sci-Fi/Fantasy tv/movie franchises -Buckaroo Bonzai Star Wars and Star Trek. Arguably, both of these have similar themes and morals in them. They both feature a quest of good versus evil, of addressing species dynamic and the subjugation of people and how bad it is. Plus, they both have some badass space ships that defy physics as we currently know them.
Thus, the logical basis of the proof is now established. Therefore, let us move on to the proof and the entire point of this discussion - the characters.
First, we have the farm boy who drives fast things, stares dramatically into sunset(s), has major daddy issues, lives with possibly-abusive father-figures, dreams of going into space and meets ship captains that make it happen. Thus, Jim Kirk=Luke Skywalker. come on, it's totally abusive not to let Luke go into Toshi Station and pick up some "power converters". A young man has needs, after all!
Then, we have the crotchety older man that becomes a sort-of quasi guide to the farm boy. This man is snarky, hot, slick, and, rescues the farm boy multiple times, and bitches about doing the right thing a lot but, eventually, does it all while looking really fucking hot and badass. Thus, Leonard McCoy=Han Solo.
Thirdly, we have the poor soul who loses a planet and has to witness the genocide of their people all because of an evil megalomaniac that has a giant chip on their shoulder and a big fucking machine to ensure that said genocide happens (and did I mention the part where they're held captive by said genocidal and evil megalomaniac?). Thus, Spock=Leia Organa.
Once we look at these three comparisons, you can see that Kirk/Spock cannot happen on the big screen and will be left in fanfiction because Kirk/Spock is extrapolated incest. They might kiss but the kiss will be purely platonic and will only exist to further the only truly acceptable homosexual pairing. That leaves us with Kirk/McCoy for the only viable homosexual pairing.
Also, because I'm full of it tonight and had nothing else to do, I've extrapolated more characters. Brace yourself.
Hot pilot that's got mad skills, can maneuver around obstacles like no one's business, is the unsung hero of the entire movie, saves the fuck out of the farmboy and fucking rocks my socks - Hikaru Sulu=Wedge Antilles
Fantastic with repairing ships, gives it all he's got, is willing to put his life on the line for furthering the plot, likes to handle his ship's "ampelle nacelles" and is really good in a crisis - Montgomery Scott=Chewbacca
Cute alien species that meeps and moans when his person leaves him, is willing to throw tools around and likes to climb things - Keenser=Wicket
Doesn't take shit from anyone, has a badass motherfucking attitude, wears boots with panache, is good with languages and will take you down a peg or four all while coming through in a pinch - Nyota Uhura=Lando Calrissian
He's smarter than anyone else, good with navigating, looks absolutely adorable when he does something right and doesn't get the credit he deserves - Pavel Chekov=Nien Nunb
He's awesome, he gets captured and tortured, he guides our hero to saving the world the first time around, he kicks ass. Thus, Christopher Pike=Jan Dodonna
Anyone else want to offer up a few?
So instead of ragesplooging, I've decided to respond via crack. I present:
It starts with a comparison between the two largest Sci-Fi/Fantasy tv/movie franchises -
Thus, the logical basis of the proof is now established. Therefore, let us move on to the proof and the entire point of this discussion - the characters.
First, we have the farm boy who drives fast things, stares dramatically into sunset(s), has major daddy issues, lives with possibly-abusive father-figures, dreams of going into space and meets ship captains that make it happen. Thus, Jim Kirk=Luke Skywalker. come on, it's totally abusive not to let Luke go into Toshi Station and pick up some "power converters". A young man has needs, after all!
Then, we have the crotchety older man that becomes a sort-of quasi guide to the farm boy. This man is snarky, hot, slick, and, rescues the farm boy multiple times, and bitches about doing the right thing a lot but, eventually, does it all while looking really fucking hot and badass. Thus, Leonard McCoy=Han Solo.
Thirdly, we have the poor soul who loses a planet and has to witness the genocide of their people all because of an evil megalomaniac that has a giant chip on their shoulder and a big fucking machine to ensure that said genocide happens (and did I mention the part where they're held captive by said genocidal and evil megalomaniac?). Thus, Spock=Leia Organa.
Once we look at these three comparisons, you can see that Kirk/Spock cannot happen on the big screen and will be left in fanfiction because Kirk/Spock is extrapolated incest. They might kiss but the kiss will be purely platonic and will only exist to further the only truly acceptable homosexual pairing. That leaves us with Kirk/McCoy for the only viable homosexual pairing.
Also, because I'm full of it tonight and had nothing else to do, I've extrapolated more characters. Brace yourself.
Hot pilot that's got mad skills, can maneuver around obstacles like no one's business, is the unsung hero of the entire movie, saves the fuck out of the farmboy and fucking rocks my socks - Hikaru Sulu=Wedge Antilles
Fantastic with repairing ships, gives it all he's got, is willing to put his life on the line for furthering the plot, likes to handle his ship's "ampelle nacelles" and is really good in a crisis - Montgomery Scott=Chewbacca
Cute alien species that meeps and moans when his person leaves him, is willing to throw tools around and likes to climb things - Keenser=Wicket
Doesn't take shit from anyone, has a badass motherfucking attitude, wears boots with panache, is good with languages and will take you down a peg or four all while coming through in a pinch - Nyota Uhura=Lando Calrissian
He's smarter than anyone else, good with navigating, looks absolutely adorable when he does something right and doesn't get the credit he deserves - Pavel Chekov=Nien Nunb
He's awesome, he gets captured and tortured, he guides our hero to saving the world the first time around, he kicks ass. Thus, Christopher Pike=Jan Dodonna
Anyone else want to offer up a few?
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Date: 2009-07-26 07:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 07:43 am (UTC)I still believe in my OT3. <3 <3
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Date: 2009-07-26 08:22 am (UTC)Also, I want to throw a SULU FUCK YEAH out there for my boy, because I CAN. Also because I am ridiculously awake right now for some ungodly reason. Ughhhh.
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Date: 2009-07-26 01:01 pm (UTC)I'm now taking great pleasure in imagining Zachary Quinto in Spock makeup wearing the gold bikini.
Does this mean that C3PO is a red-shirted crewmember? And I can see Pavel Chekov as R2D2, personally...he can navigate through any system to bend it to his will and he's a great co-pilot. And I can totally see that R2's beeps could be interpreted as over-excited "I can do that, I can do that". hehe
And maybe Sarek=Obi Wan...that still not a great fit other than the calm logical thing. Ooooh...or maybe Spock Prime = Obi Wan. Great, now I'm going to be obsessed with drawing more parallels betwixt ST & SW characters. This is fun. ;)
This is the most relaxed I've been in the last 24 hours. Thank you. I soooo needed that.
BTW...Uhura=Lando? TOTALLY true. Especially as Lando/Leia is one of my favorite guilty pleasures.
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Date: 2009-07-26 01:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 02:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 02:46 pm (UTC)JK, you've brightened my morning!
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Date: 2009-07-26 03:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 03:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 05:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-26 05:46 pm (UTC)I also mentally see a small connection between Pike and Ackbar. "It's a trap!"
Also, Gaila = Twi'lek dancing girl. *is random*
Frank = Uncle Owen. ("No, you may not drive to Toshi station to pick up power converters! You sent my convertible over a cliff into a quarry last time!")
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Date: 2009-07-26 06:16 pm (UTC)Also, Buckaroo Bonzai rules my life. "It's Bigboo-tay!" ♥ Can I be the Perfect Tommy to your Buckaroo? :P :P :P
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Date: 2009-07-26 08:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-27 04:41 am (UTC)And these comparisons are perfect! Especially Hikaru Sulu=Wedge Antilles. SO TRUE.
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Date: 2009-07-28 05:16 pm (UTC)(I was linked here by a friend, don't mind me. Your logic is made of win.)
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Date: 2009-07-28 08:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-29 05:16 am (UTC)I admit, I read K/S, but when I saw that group forming on the FF.net forums in the middle of "Home" updates, I knew it was time to stop looking at the FF.net forums. ^^;
...oh yes, Nyota=Lando? AWESOME
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