![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wook77Title: Love is Watching Someone Die
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wook77
Fandom: Star Trek: XI
Character: Leonard McCoy Gen
Warnings: set pre-movie so minimal spoilers, trigger content (highlight to read) *discussion of doctor-assisted suicide*
Wordcount: ~680
Rating: PG
Summary: The universal constant is that Leonard McCoy faces the fact that he has to decide whether his father lives or dies.
A/N: Beta'd bywhy_me_why_not and elanorofcastile. Any remaining mistakes are, as always, my own. Inspired by the song "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie (title taken from the lyrics).
His dad's sick. There's no arguing with anyone over it, though he wants to. Leonard McCoy really wants to. Hell, who's he kidding? He does. He argues with God, tries to make a bargain and promises anything. He'll stay with Elizabeth if God will just let his dad get better. He'll quit medicine, practice it more, he'll take over his father's store, he'll do anything to keep his dad alive.
His dad, though, has other ideas. "Lenny," he says, as if Leonard is five again, waiting for his dad to ruffle his hair. In a way, he is. He wants his dad out of that hospital bed, wants him to sit up, ruffle Leonard's hair and tell him everything's going to be ok just like he did when Leonard was a kid.
"Dad," he manages as he sits down next to his dad's hospital bed. There are so many tubes and wires that Leonard doesn't know where to touch. The breathing tube can't be hugged, the IV in the back of the hand means he can't hold it, the oxygen lines in his nose means he can't kiss his father's cheek.
He wants his dad. He might be twenty-seven and a father himself, but he still wants his dad to tell him everything is going to be all right.
"Lenny, let me go," his dad says.
"Dad. There's plenty of treatments that we haven't tried yet."
"Look at me," his dad commands, his voice strong for the first time in months. He does just what his dad tells him to do. The only time he's ever rebelled against his father was when he'd chosen medicine over the store. His dad's wasted away to half his weight. His skin hangs from his bones, like a mock-up of a figure from a Halloween show. He's pale, with dark splotches of color spread across his skin. He's being swallowed alive by the hospital bed and Leonard is well aware that his dad doesn't have much time.
"I'm looking, dad."
His dad lifts his hand and offers his palm. Leonard takes it, holding his hand gingerly. "Let me go."
"I can't."
"Do you know what's ahead for me?"
As if he isn't a doctor and isn't well aware that his dad's facing a long, drawn-out death. He slowly nods in response instead of snapping the way that he wants to.
"Then let me go before I have to go through that. I love you, son, but it's time you let me go." His dad squeezes his hand.
"There's still a chance for a cure."
"Slim to none isn't a choice I want. I'm asking you to help me."
"I can't," he says and then lets go of his father's hand, stands up and is out the door before his dad can say anything else.
Later on, he wonders what he did in the world that the older Spock came from, if he'd taken the opportunity to slide the needle into his father's vein or if he'd waited for the cure that comes months later.
The reality is that in one world, he'll go along with his father's wishes, come back into the room and administer the drug that kills his father. He'll stand there, watching, as his dad dies. He'll flee it all, his soon-to-be-ex-wife, the way he'd killed his father right before the cure is found, his past, all of it, and join Starfleet, land aboard the Enterprise and make history.
In this world, he'll go against his father for the second time in his life, throw himself into the research that saves his father's life, and, months later, when they find the cure for his dad's disease, he'll remember the way his dad had pleaded and he'd refused to give in. He'll still flee everything, the way that his father holds the pain and suffering against him, the way that his marriage falls apart, and enlist in Starfleet. He'll remember it when his ex-wife sends him a transmission telling him that his dad had a relapse and had died without anyone nearby.
As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.
Author:
wook77Fandom: Star Trek: XI
Character: Leonard McCoy Gen
Warnings: set pre-movie so minimal spoilers, trigger content (highlight to read) *discussion of doctor-assisted suicide*
Wordcount: ~680
Rating: PG
Summary: The universal constant is that Leonard McCoy faces the fact that he has to decide whether his father lives or dies.
A/N: Beta'd by
why_me_why_not and elanorofcastile. Any remaining mistakes are, as always, my own. Inspired by the song "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie (title taken from the lyrics).His dad's sick. There's no arguing with anyone over it, though he wants to. Leonard McCoy really wants to. Hell, who's he kidding? He does. He argues with God, tries to make a bargain and promises anything. He'll stay with Elizabeth if God will just let his dad get better. He'll quit medicine, practice it more, he'll take over his father's store, he'll do anything to keep his dad alive.
His dad, though, has other ideas. "Lenny," he says, as if Leonard is five again, waiting for his dad to ruffle his hair. In a way, he is. He wants his dad out of that hospital bed, wants him to sit up, ruffle Leonard's hair and tell him everything's going to be ok just like he did when Leonard was a kid.
"Dad," he manages as he sits down next to his dad's hospital bed. There are so many tubes and wires that Leonard doesn't know where to touch. The breathing tube can't be hugged, the IV in the back of the hand means he can't hold it, the oxygen lines in his nose means he can't kiss his father's cheek.
He wants his dad. He might be twenty-seven and a father himself, but he still wants his dad to tell him everything is going to be all right.
"Lenny, let me go," his dad says.
"Dad. There's plenty of treatments that we haven't tried yet."
"Look at me," his dad commands, his voice strong for the first time in months. He does just what his dad tells him to do. The only time he's ever rebelled against his father was when he'd chosen medicine over the store. His dad's wasted away to half his weight. His skin hangs from his bones, like a mock-up of a figure from a Halloween show. He's pale, with dark splotches of color spread across his skin. He's being swallowed alive by the hospital bed and Leonard is well aware that his dad doesn't have much time.
"I'm looking, dad."
His dad lifts his hand and offers his palm. Leonard takes it, holding his hand gingerly. "Let me go."
"I can't."
"Do you know what's ahead for me?"
As if he isn't a doctor and isn't well aware that his dad's facing a long, drawn-out death. He slowly nods in response instead of snapping the way that he wants to.
"Then let me go before I have to go through that. I love you, son, but it's time you let me go." His dad squeezes his hand.
"There's still a chance for a cure."
"Slim to none isn't a choice I want. I'm asking you to help me."
"I can't," he says and then lets go of his father's hand, stands up and is out the door before his dad can say anything else.
Later on, he wonders what he did in the world that the older Spock came from, if he'd taken the opportunity to slide the needle into his father's vein or if he'd waited for the cure that comes months later.
The reality is that in one world, he'll go along with his father's wishes, come back into the room and administer the drug that kills his father. He'll stand there, watching, as his dad dies. He'll flee it all, his soon-to-be-ex-wife, the way he'd killed his father right before the cure is found, his past, all of it, and join Starfleet, land aboard the Enterprise and make history.
In this world, he'll go against his father for the second time in his life, throw himself into the research that saves his father's life, and, months later, when they find the cure for his dad's disease, he'll remember the way his dad had pleaded and he'd refused to give in. He'll still flee everything, the way that his father holds the pain and suffering against him, the way that his marriage falls apart, and enlist in Starfleet. He'll remember it when his ex-wife sends him a transmission telling him that his dad had a relapse and had died without anyone nearby.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 04:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:06 am (UTC)<3 (Are you going to
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:24 am (UTC)(also zomg, your icon. *ganks*)
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:27 am (UTC)I took a break this past weekend from LJ and everything and totes put the game in and started playing. God do I love that game something fierce. It's totally my "I need to destress" thing.
I might've played the bit with Carth and Revan far too much though. Don't hold it against me :/
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:19 am (UTC)Also, using "What Sarah Said" for the title? Epic win.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 05:26 am (UTC)I'm very glad that you loved it! It was definitely an experiment to write it. I wanted a happy ending but there was just no way.
God, that song. It kept haunting me and demanding that I write this thing. *shakes fist*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 10:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:07 am (UTC)I appreciate your reading! Thanks for letting me know what you thought!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:10 am (UTC)Thanks so much for reading and commenting! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:11 am (UTC)I appreciate your reading and commenting!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-08 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:12 am (UTC)I appreciate that you read and commented! (Starting to dip your feet into the fandom?)
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:13 am (UTC)I'm so glad that you had that moment of canon in there! That means that I worked it right!
Thanks so much for reading and letting me know what you thought!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:15 am (UTC)I can't help but wonder if he asks Spock Prime about it and what choice he made then. It'd be an interesting conversation to read.
I appreciate your reading and letting me know what you thought!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:17 am (UTC)I am so beyond attached to my mother that I have no idea how I would (am going to) cope with losing her. I'm so co-dependent, it's not funny.
I appreciate your reading and letting me know what you thought!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:18 am (UTC)<3
no subject
Date: 2009-06-15 04:00 am (UTC)I'm really enjoying these background stories, especially with Bones.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 02:56 am (UTC)Oh goddd this made me cry so hard, especially thinking of that song (which I had been listening to just yesterday, thinking about how sad and romantic and beautiful those lyrics are) and the beautiful context they manage to find in your story and just bawww ;A;
I love it.