Fic: Strip and Bend (HP, Snarry, Crack)

[wook77]

Title: Strip and Bend (the world is going to end)
Author: wook77
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape. Sort of.
Warnings: Severus Snape has a working penis.
Rating: R
Summary: Severus Snape has a working penis.
A/N: For djin7 on the occasion of her birthday. Unbeta'd. Also – it's me writing Snarry so be aware that this is crack. Still, I think this is worthy of being marked down in the baby book.



Harry stared at the sight before him, horrified and intrigued all at the same time. "What. But. How. Oh god."

"I beg your pardon, Potter," Severus Snape glared (it's totally a method of speech) over his creation.

"That's a…"

"Yes?"

"That's a penis." It was said as one word, slurred together in the same horrified tone.

"Your powers of observation astound me." Severus held it up and twirled the pink, glittery creation.

"Why?"

"As I am unable to fornicate and you have certain needs, I have decided to create a tool to assist in meeting those needs."

"You built me a dildo?" Harry couldn't take his horrified eyes off the dildo in Severus's hands.

"Brewed, Potter, I brewed you a dildo. The intricacies of advanced potion wizardry obviously escape you." Severus wrapped his hands around it and stroked it a few times, pulling up and down and up and down. It was mesmerizing.

"Huh." It was horrifying.

"Would you like to try it out?" Severus waved it about once more.

"Um, sure?"

"Your exuberance is overwhelming, please cease your excited prattle."

"Does it work?"

"Yes, Potter, it works. Would you like that demonstration?"

"Sure. Now that you have a working penis."

"Strip and bend."

"All right." Harry quickly complied, stripping off all of his clothing and then bending over, taking the dildo into his mouth.

"Not quite what I intended."

"It's not like it's going to lose its hardness," he said while his mouth was still wrapped around the pink glittered creation. (One can do that if one is multi-talented and, of course, this is Harry Potter we're discussing. Of course he's multi-talented enough to give a blow job and hold a conversation.)

"Point taken."

Harry continued sucking, using his tongue along the bottom of the dildo. It tasted like peaches and cream, which he, thankfully, enjoyed. If all cocks tasted like peaches and cream, he was going to enjoy turning himself into a cocksucker instead of having a platonic, romantic relationship with the eunuch known as Severus Snape.

Snape's robes flapped like a bat's wings and his nose grew larger as his hair dripped with the exertions and pleasure of having his brewed cock sucked.

"That's it, Potter, suck it like the little whore you are," he panted as his nose grew even larger. Harry, of course, obeyed, sucking with glee and abandon as his hand reached out and grabbed the base, his fingers brushing over Severus's. Another suck, a slight twist of his tongue across the top and, suddenly, the dildo squirted down his throat. He swallowed it all joyously.

"That's some cock you brewed," Harry said when he recovered.

"Quite."

"I think I like you having a working cock."

"The pleasure is all mine."

Did I mention this was meant to be crack? Plz to be remembering. As always, though, I'd love to hear what you thought.

Comments

[red_squared]

...

D:

Brewed, Potter, I brewed you a dildo.

Eheheheheheh.

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

I think I just sort of died.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

:( God cries every time I think of Snarry. That is my only excuse :(

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm gonig to take that as "in a good way". Or not. Because this is me. writing snarry. See why the "the world is gonna end" was added?

The things I do for DJ

[spacefragments.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA EWWWWWWW

[djin7.livejournal.com]

It's the thought that counts.

HEEEE! This is priceless, and I wonder if I can fit it all on an icon, as it wins:

Harry continued sucking, using his tongue along the bottom of the dildo. It tasted like peaches and cream, which he, thankfully, enjoyed. If all cocks tasted like peaches and cream, he was going to enjoy turning himself into a cocksucker instead of having a platonic, romantic relationship with the eunuch known as Severus Snape.

Snape's robes flapped like a bat's wings and his nose grew larger as his hair dripped with the exertions and pleasure of having his brewed cock sucked.

Awesome! ilu ♥

[incapricious.livejournal.com]

What?? You wrote... Snarry?

*runs away*

*tiptoes back, hesitantly*

*reads*

AHAHA! XD

[wook77.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOLOLOL BEST REACTION EVER

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I warned you for badness, though, right?

You know that Snape would have a peaches and cream flavor added.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

LOL. It's not the best crack in the world but it was the best I could do with Severus Snape's willie involved.

[spacefragments.livejournal.com]

caused mostly by this part: his nose grew larger as his hair dripped with the exertions and pleasure of having his brewed cock sucked. :D

[midnight-birth.livejournal.com]

OMG!! I saw the pairing and thought "Ooh, I've never seen her write that before."

Impotent Snape! A brewed dildo! A pink sparkly dildo! A dildo that ejaculates! "Strip and bend.

You've killed me. ♥

[maple-mahogany.livejournal.com]

LOL - I won't be reading this, you know, but I had to give props for the warning. :P

[wook77.livejournal.com]

LMFAO. I'm just not into snape with a working willie but it's her birthday and she is worth the mental anguish of that happening :D

[wook77.livejournal.com]

LOL. You notice that the warning is the same as the summary? it made me lol.

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

You made Snape a eunuch you bad, bad person you! LOL

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you lol'd. I kept reading and thinking... only the flist that knows me best will find this funny.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I did mainly cause he is :P:P:P:P

[foxie-trot.livejournal.com]

*random person flies in*

*SQUEE* Yay for dildo smex! <7

Lolz at the peaches and cream bit though. xD; and the 'working cock' XDDDD;