Fic: Strip and Bend (HP, Snarry, Crack)

[wook77]

Title: Strip and Bend (the world is going to end)
Author: wook77
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape. Sort of.
Warnings: Severus Snape has a working penis.
Rating: R
Summary: Severus Snape has a working penis.
A/N: For djin7 on the occasion of her birthday. Unbeta'd. Also – it's me writing Snarry so be aware that this is crack. Still, I think this is worthy of being marked down in the baby book.



Harry stared at the sight before him, horrified and intrigued all at the same time. "What. But. How. Oh god."

"I beg your pardon, Potter," Severus Snape glared (it's totally a method of speech) over his creation.

"That's a…"

"Yes?"

"That's a penis." It was said as one word, slurred together in the same horrified tone.

"Your powers of observation astound me." Severus held it up and twirled the pink, glittery creation.

"Why?"

"As I am unable to fornicate and you have certain needs, I have decided to create a tool to assist in meeting those needs."

"You built me a dildo?" Harry couldn't take his horrified eyes off the dildo in Severus's hands.

"Brewed, Potter, I brewed you a dildo. The intricacies of advanced potion wizardry obviously escape you." Severus wrapped his hands around it and stroked it a few times, pulling up and down and up and down. It was mesmerizing.

"Huh." It was horrifying.

"Would you like to try it out?" Severus waved it about once more.

"Um, sure?"

"Your exuberance is overwhelming, please cease your excited prattle."

"Does it work?"

"Yes, Potter, it works. Would you like that demonstration?"

"Sure. Now that you have a working penis."

"Strip and bend."

"All right." Harry quickly complied, stripping off all of his clothing and then bending over, taking the dildo into his mouth.

"Not quite what I intended."

"It's not like it's going to lose its hardness," he said while his mouth was still wrapped around the pink glittered creation. (One can do that if one is multi-talented and, of course, this is Harry Potter we're discussing. Of course he's multi-talented enough to give a blow job and hold a conversation.)

"Point taken."

Harry continued sucking, using his tongue along the bottom of the dildo. It tasted like peaches and cream, which he, thankfully, enjoyed. If all cocks tasted like peaches and cream, he was going to enjoy turning himself into a cocksucker instead of having a platonic, romantic relationship with the eunuch known as Severus Snape.

Snape's robes flapped like a bat's wings and his nose grew larger as his hair dripped with the exertions and pleasure of having his brewed cock sucked.

"That's it, Potter, suck it like the little whore you are," he panted as his nose grew even larger. Harry, of course, obeyed, sucking with glee and abandon as his hand reached out and grabbed the base, his fingers brushing over Severus's. Another suck, a slight twist of his tongue across the top and, suddenly, the dildo squirted down his throat. He swallowed it all joyously.

"That's some cock you brewed," Harry said when he recovered.

"Quite."

"I think I like you having a working cock."

"The pleasure is all mine."

Did I mention this was meant to be crack? Plz to be remembering. As always, though, I'd love to hear what you thought.