The Real Harry Potter
Dec. 30th, 2005 02:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wook77Story Time. It's short and unbeta'd.
Title: The Real Harry Potter
Rating: G
Pairing: mentions of Harry/Draco
Summary: Draco hunts down someone to tell the person the truth about the Real Harry Potter and the Real Draco Malfoy.
Warnings: Slightly crack!fic-ish.
A/N: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silentauror's birthday. Happy Birthday, dear.
Canada at this time of the year was freezing and Draco could swear that his balls were so far up in that they were never coming out again. It was a valid fear as far as he was concerned. After all, if they didn’t drop, then what was Harry going to play with?
Mumbling and muttering to himself, he searched high and low for the street address that Harry had found on the internet. The houses all looked the same, all Muggle and non-British. The neighborhood looked nice enough, for Muggles. The sneer graced his face as he looked up and down the street.
Finally finding the address he wanted, he marched up to the door and knocked. When it opened, a pretty young woman stood in the doorway.
“Yes?” She looked puzzled and Draco’s sneer increased.
“Are you the one who parades around the interthingy as a silent auror?” The woman in the doorway nodded while the confused expression slowly started to reflect recognition.
“Look, I’ll have you know that I did not have sexual relations with that man, Harry Potter.” SA stared as Draco continued on. “Well, at least until after the war. He also never shagged Severus Snape. That is just completely and totally unrealistic. Why would Harry want to shag Snape when I’m around? Hmmm? You don’t have an answer, do you?”
“I’ll have you know that my Snarry phase was short!” Draco snorted as she defended herself.
“I couldn’t give two knuts about how short it was. Harry would never break up with me to date Snape. Your stories are completely wrong. Don’t think that just because they’re on some Muggle machine that I don’t read them or know about them! Although, there were a few that you had some intriguing things going on. I quite liked that storm and wind one you did.” The confused look came back onto SA’s face.
“Do you mean On the Wings of the Storm?” Draco nodded.
“Right, that’s one of my favorites as well.” Draco smirked.
“I really liked that one that was Aggie Dieu.” When SA started laughing at Draco, he sneered. “What is so funny? Muggles really have no manners. It would be nice if you’d invite me in for a spot of tea or something.”
SA stood back and gestured Draco into the foyer.
“I’ll get the tea. It was Agnes Dei, by the way.” SA walked towards the kitchen while Draco found somewhere to sit and wait.
“Aggie Dieu, Agnes Dei, same thing, all in all.” He shouted after her. The clink of a kettle and cups reassured him that SA did have manners and would be bringing tea along shortly. As he sat, he stared around the room. It looked nice.
“So what is this Aggie Dei thing, then? What does it sound like? Potter doesn’t know. Then again, he was raised in a cupboard so what can one expect?” When SA started to laugh again, Draco sneered. “Muggle, you have some interesting ideas of what is entertaining.”
“It’s just that this is surreal. I write about you and Harry. You guys are in books. You aren’t real.” Draco snorted, although he would claim it was a bark of laughter.
“Where do you think that Muggle woman got her ideas? Hmmm? Harry told her all about his life at some coffee shop. Not that any of the good parts would ever make it into the books she’s writing. Big deal about Voldemort! I’m not a pointy spoilt brat! I’m quite handsome and modest!”
“You are quite handsome.” Draco was mildly placated but continued his rant.
"I'll have you know that I helped Harry to defeat Voldemort! My plans worked most of the time and Harry got in quite a bit of trouble through the years! I don't mind Granger, it's just Weasley that I dislike. Look at all that red-hair! Who would want to be friends with someone as speckled as him anyway? That doesn't make me a bad person!" SA just nodded. "I didn't kill Dumbledore! Snape may be a git, but he's an ok sort of git, although he really isn't sexy in the least. Why you would find him sexy enough to have Harry lusting after him, I'll never know!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have that. I like you two as a couple, you know. I've changed ships." SA put in the cd of Barber's Agnes Dei as Draco stood and paced.
"Ship? What ship? Were Harry and Snape on a ship?" SA laughed again.
"No, Draco, not that I know of. A ship is the relationship." Draco nodded to confirm his understanding before he continued pacing.
“The reason I hunted you down was this – I want you to tell everyone about the Real Harry Potter and me.”
And so, the insider’s view into the world of the Real Harry Potter and the Real Draco Malfoy was born.
Thank you, SA, for all your wonderful stories. You are an inspiration to us all.
Happy Birthday, Darling!
Title: The Real Harry Potter
Rating: G
Pairing: mentions of Harry/Draco
Summary: Draco hunts down someone to tell the person the truth about the Real Harry Potter and the Real Draco Malfoy.
Warnings: Slightly crack!fic-ish.
A/N: Written for
silentauror's birthday. Happy Birthday, dear.Canada at this time of the year was freezing and Draco could swear that his balls were so far up in that they were never coming out again. It was a valid fear as far as he was concerned. After all, if they didn’t drop, then what was Harry going to play with?
Mumbling and muttering to himself, he searched high and low for the street address that Harry had found on the internet. The houses all looked the same, all Muggle and non-British. The neighborhood looked nice enough, for Muggles. The sneer graced his face as he looked up and down the street.
Finally finding the address he wanted, he marched up to the door and knocked. When it opened, a pretty young woman stood in the doorway.
“Yes?” She looked puzzled and Draco’s sneer increased.
“Are you the one who parades around the interthingy as a silent auror?” The woman in the doorway nodded while the confused expression slowly started to reflect recognition.
“Look, I’ll have you know that I did not have sexual relations with that man, Harry Potter.” SA stared as Draco continued on. “Well, at least until after the war. He also never shagged Severus Snape. That is just completely and totally unrealistic. Why would Harry want to shag Snape when I’m around? Hmmm? You don’t have an answer, do you?”
“I’ll have you know that my Snarry phase was short!” Draco snorted as she defended herself.
“I couldn’t give two knuts about how short it was. Harry would never break up with me to date Snape. Your stories are completely wrong. Don’t think that just because they’re on some Muggle machine that I don’t read them or know about them! Although, there were a few that you had some intriguing things going on. I quite liked that storm and wind one you did.” The confused look came back onto SA’s face.
“Do you mean On the Wings of the Storm?” Draco nodded.
“Right, that’s one of my favorites as well.” Draco smirked.
“I really liked that one that was Aggie Dieu.” When SA started laughing at Draco, he sneered. “What is so funny? Muggles really have no manners. It would be nice if you’d invite me in for a spot of tea or something.”
SA stood back and gestured Draco into the foyer.
“I’ll get the tea. It was Agnes Dei, by the way.” SA walked towards the kitchen while Draco found somewhere to sit and wait.
“Aggie Dieu, Agnes Dei, same thing, all in all.” He shouted after her. The clink of a kettle and cups reassured him that SA did have manners and would be bringing tea along shortly. As he sat, he stared around the room. It looked nice.
“So what is this Aggie Dei thing, then? What does it sound like? Potter doesn’t know. Then again, he was raised in a cupboard so what can one expect?” When SA started to laugh again, Draco sneered. “Muggle, you have some interesting ideas of what is entertaining.”
“It’s just that this is surreal. I write about you and Harry. You guys are in books. You aren’t real.” Draco snorted, although he would claim it was a bark of laughter.
“Where do you think that Muggle woman got her ideas? Hmmm? Harry told her all about his life at some coffee shop. Not that any of the good parts would ever make it into the books she’s writing. Big deal about Voldemort! I’m not a pointy spoilt brat! I’m quite handsome and modest!”
“You are quite handsome.” Draco was mildly placated but continued his rant.
"I'll have you know that I helped Harry to defeat Voldemort! My plans worked most of the time and Harry got in quite a bit of trouble through the years! I don't mind Granger, it's just Weasley that I dislike. Look at all that red-hair! Who would want to be friends with someone as speckled as him anyway? That doesn't make me a bad person!" SA just nodded. "I didn't kill Dumbledore! Snape may be a git, but he's an ok sort of git, although he really isn't sexy in the least. Why you would find him sexy enough to have Harry lusting after him, I'll never know!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have that. I like you two as a couple, you know. I've changed ships." SA put in the cd of Barber's Agnes Dei as Draco stood and paced.
"Ship? What ship? Were Harry and Snape on a ship?" SA laughed again.
"No, Draco, not that I know of. A ship is the relationship." Draco nodded to confirm his understanding before he continued pacing.
“The reason I hunted you down was this – I want you to tell everyone about the Real Harry Potter and me.”
And so, the insider’s view into the world of the Real Harry Potter and the Real Draco Malfoy was born.
Thank you, SA, for all your wonderful stories. You are an inspiration to us all.
Happy Birthday, Darling!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 09:57 pm (UTC)I would have a heart attack if Draco appeared on my doorstep one day! ♥ (But I would totally love it!)
Then again, if you turned up on my doorstep one day, I'd be pretty happy, too! ;)
Huge hugs, you
nice;), sweet thing! ♥no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:07 pm (UTC)Canada in the winter? nope. Canada in the summer? yeah, maybe.
Actually, where in canada are you? Are you near any hockey towns?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:23 pm (UTC)I live in Winnipeg, which used to be a hockey town before the Jets got sold. (Which happened, like, ten years ago now, but everyone still bitches about it!) :)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:28 pm (UTC)Poor Draco's balls... you'll have to get them to drop a bit and have harry play with them. *looks forward to it*
I wanted some smut in the story but it just wouldn't come. So, you get crack!fic instead. (it probably doesn't help that I'm trying to work on my bohemeth of a star wars fic over at ff.net *shudders*) Big Z doesn't like me right now (the wookiee in the story), hence the use of the icon...
How has your birthday been? Any good pressies?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:42 pm (UTC)Haven't gotten the presents yet, but it'll probably be pretty low-key. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:49 pm (UTC)Well, there are plenty of pressies for you online. There are some really nice stories out there.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:03 pm (UTC)My brother just came over to look at the word I was totally mispronouncing (I was saying it like it rhymed with "waves", ahaha! *is a dork*) and told me that. :) Apparently the Jets became whatever team is in Phoenix now.
♥
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:12 pm (UTC)Aves? *snirt*AAAGGHHHHHHves, m'dear.
It's nice, isn't it? I'm adoring all the fics written for you!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:33 pm (UTC)I can't believe how thoughtful people are sometimes! It's really rather mind-blowing! ♥
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:43 pm (UTC)I adore the opera as well, though. I just went to a performance of a variety of pieces about three weeks ago. I meant to email you and tell you and totally forgot *facepalm*
Well, it is for you and you are "teh love".
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 10:29 pm (UTC)*grins* I'm in star wars mode of writing so my Harry Potter brain is focused on crack.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:08 pm (UTC)interthingy
*snort* Love this whole thing, but for some reason that word got to me the most. I know, I'm odd.
He also never shagged Severus Snape. That is just completely and totally unrealistic. Why would Harry want to shag Snape when I’m around?
Draco, darling, if you're still hanging out at SA's house and read this, I want you to know I'm in COMPLETE agreement with you on this point. *nods emphatically*
Anyway...
You are an inspiration to us all.
She really is, isn't she? *fangirls madly*
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:14 pm (UTC)I just had to take the opportunity to tease SA about the Snarry phase.
I'm so glad you liked it. It's nowhere near as well-done as yours.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:22 pm (UTC)I don't think I knew that SA had a Snarry phase... *is profoundly disturbed*
And I'm not even sure what to say to the last thing... except, I'm glad you like what I wrote, but I don't think it can be compared with yours, what with it being a different genre and all... so stop it. :P
♥
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 11:45 pm (UTC)Yeah, go to the hex files and then the ensnared thing. There's a snarry there that has harry/draco but then harry ends up with snape instead. That's what I was referring to in the story.
Yeah, well, mine is crack! your's is, errr, what's a nice word that rhymes with crack?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 12:28 am (UTC)Something nice that rhymes with 'crack'... um... smack? back? track? quack? whack? ...
Okay, nothing nice rhymes with crack. Sorry.
*back to writing*
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 06:33 pm (UTC)