Adventures in Dogsitting

[wook77]

To those new to the flist - I work at a humane society. I'm a dog person. I'm allergic to cats. The last has no bearing on the following story but it's semi-interesting considering where I work.

For extra cash (and to be able to afford Prophecy next year), I dogsit. Every weekend in the month of January, I get a paid vacation away from my family. To start my month off right, I'm housesitting for the next few days for Trooper and Trixie. It's Day 1/Night 2...and already I want to kill these dogs. They're pug/chihuahua mixes. Imagine a pug body with the buggy eyes of a chihuahua plus big ole spots of random colours and you've got these dogs.

They are the worst behaved dogs I have ever had the misfortune of having to deal with. My own dog required me to carry around an old sock at all times because he would turn on his back and piss on himself if you raised your voice at him and THAT is less annoying than these nasty buggers.

I was told that I might have a teeny [emphasis mine] problem getting their leashes on them. Teeny? That's like saying the Grand Canyon is a little hole. The one bit me on the foot. Thank the maker I'd worn closed toed shoes for the first time in three years. The other one lunged at my face while I was cursing about the bite.

After a two hour long struggle to try to get their leashes on, I finally chucked a treat outside onto the patio and made them pee there. I figured we're having rain, let God wash the piss off the patio and no one will ever know.

While the nasty buggers are outside, I look at the instructions and my check. On the check, there's an extra 20 bucks. I think, hey, tip! SCORE! Then I realise, it's not a tip, it's for the co-pay at the hospital when they attempt to devour me. Why do I think that? Because I let these two hellspawn back in and they immediately start barking and won't shut the fuck up. They're dancing around my sock clad feet and it isn't friendly. Now, not only do I have to worry about them eating me, I have a headache that slows my reflexes.

Finally, that night, I get a leash on ONE dog (coincidentally, this is the one that bit me. I guess since he got a taste of me, he decided that he'd lure me into a false sense of complacency and act friendly). Take him for a short walk, yaddayaddayadda. Get back to the apartment and go to bed because I had to be up at 5 am to go see my father off on his trip back to Pennsylvania.

Those fucking dogs didn't stop barking all night. Personally, I'm amazed the owners haven't been evicted because GAHHHHH, even I would be pissed at the amount of barking and I have four fucking dogs.

In the morning, the little buggers won't go outside, won't let me put their leashes on them and attempt to bite me once more. So, I tossed a few treats into the crate, they went in and I slammed the door shut on the buggy eyed freaks.

Come back a few hours later and I guess the dogs decided I'm their best friend (must have had a conference about it what with being stuck in their crate while I went and avoided them ran some errands). They let me put their leashes on them, we went for a very nice walk and came back and we all vegged, them in their beds, me on the couch.

Just took them for another walk and here's where I think... no one pays me enough for this crap...

The boy dog, Trooper, has to wear a diaper because his mummy and daddy don't want to traumatise him by housebreaking(did I forget to mention that little tidbit earlier?) and I forgot to take it off him before the walk because, hello, who thinks, hey, the ickle doggy shouldn't have a diaper on? Anyway, I'm just walking around outside with the diaper and the poop bag and two disgruntled dogs. This really cute guy says to me about the cute dogs and I go, they're fear aggressive, i wouldn't pet them. He goes, oh, how sad blahblahblah. Finally, it comes out that I'm housesitting for the owners and that's when he spots the diaper. He goes... "you get paid to change a dog diaper?" Um, yeah, err, it's not like it looks. ok, it is how it looks. Yes I get paid to change a dog diaper. He has my number but I'm sorta doubting he's going to be calling anytime soon. Somehow, methinks I lost cool points by having something that closely resembles a maxi-pad in my hand and admitting that it's a doggie diaper.

Their house is a shrine to their dogs, I can't get away from them. They even have the dogs on their lamp shades. The dogs are on the coasters, on the walls, on a frame around the tv, on the bookshelves, on a PILLOW, on a blanket, in the kitchen and in the sodding BATHROOM.

The best part of my instructions? I can "feel free to dress Trooper and Trixie however [I] wish. Their sweaters and costumes are on top of their crate". Gee golly gosh, YAYES and thanks! I'll be sure to do brave their biting habits to do just that for mine and their enjoyment.

Anyway, add to it that there are only soy crisps (err, ew?), carrots (don't eat 'em) and club soda in the house and the only internet is on their computer with none of the messengers installed and, to sum up, I don't get paid enough for this crap.

I cannot wait until next weekend for the cute little furballs that like to play fetch and don't try to eat me.

Comments

[wendy.livejournal.com]

I say again...you really need to write a book about your life story.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I should at the rate I'm going. I think I just broke a toe stepping over the wired door of their crate. my second toe got stuck in it and I just went flying over the damn thing and jarred my elbow too. Tuesday cannot come quick enough

[wendy.livejournal.com]

Please know I am laughing WITH you.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that it's broken now. It's turning colours already. They have no tape here. He's a med student and they don't have medical tape. Someone explain that to me.

[ficlette.livejournal.com]

LMAO

You poor, unfortunate soul. But think of how worth it it will be at Prophecy! Just keep thinking towards that. Light at the end of the tunnel, and all that.

Although, Somehow, methinks I lost cool points by having something that closely resembles a maxi-pad in my hand and admitting that it's a doggie diaper. ? PFFF. Maybe you got lucky and he secretly has diapered cats at home. You never know.



...♥

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure all the cons evah would be worth these little demons. When I woke up this morning... the one darted under a chair. When I walked past, it bit my bare foot. Luckily, I have now discovered that it is virtually toothless in the front. So, I have less fear of them eating my feet.

I'm allergic to cats... somehow he would lose cool points for diapered cats.

[kerryblaze.livejournal.com]

Oh my. They sound like demon spawn! And the couple are WAY yoo much!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

They are! The one sneak attacked me this morning and got my arch in its mouth. Luckily, it doesn't seem to have many teeth in the front. They're currently outside on the porch staring at me. It's a bit freaky.

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

Okay, woman, I'm so buying you a drink or several at Prophecy. XD

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I will totally be taking you up on that offer *grins*.

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Eek. On the bright side, the weekend is over tomorrow...

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I'm here until Tuesday morning. I keep chanting how many more hours are left so that I can have a timeframe on how much longer I need to keep my wits and sanity about me.

[flamewarrior.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[serious bit] Oookaaaay, those humans? are abusing their dogs. and you. you could always report them to your employer.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I've left literature about how not putting discipline and routine in a dog's life is actually a form of abuse so I tihnk they'll take the subtle hint *hopes*.

[flamewarrior.livejournal.com]

Do you think they've taken any notice?

[yodels.livejournal.com]

Aw...that just made my Saturday night. Don't ever say yes to them again.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

We'll see how desperate I am for money the closer to Prophecy it is. But, yeah, I'm hoping to be busy next time so I don't have to lie to them.

[why-me-why-not.livejournal.com]

aww, poor wook!! What a horrible weekend!

*hugs*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

They're outside right now so it's so much better. *nods*

I'm goign to just basically ignore them and not walk around furniture they can get under as the one came out from under a chair and nabbed my barefoot this morning.

[hambares.livejournal.com]

What kind of dogs are they? They sound like ankle-biters. I am not a small dog person AT ALL! Good luck!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I've learned to not mind small dogs since I got one of my own. I was only allowed a dog up to 20 lbs at my apartment and I desperately wanted a dog so I got Cisco. Up until then, I'd only ever had german shepards and collies and golden retrievers and such. But, Cisco has the terrier tude so I think of him like a big dog. He's fairly rugged and likes the same stuff my big dogs do.

But, that being said, these little bastards are chihuahua/pug mixes and I cannot stand chihuahuas. (sorry to those on the flist that have them but their eyes freak me the frick out) These dogs are the traditional yappyslappy anklebiting dogs and they can't weigh more than 10 lbs a piece.

Also - funny you should call them ankle biters. The one darted out from under a chair and bit my arch. Luckily, it was lacking in front teeth so I could extricate my foot without injury. That would be the reason they're going to be staying outside until, um, well, forever works for me but that would be cruel so for another hour.

[crucio-4-coffee.livejournal.com]

Yuck! I have to agree with you -- there's no way they could possibly be paying you enough for that. Sheesh.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

They are demons cloaked as dogs. I'd rather be around cats than these little buggers and considering cats make my face swell up and my lungs close? That's saying something.

Prophecy will make it all worth it.

[oconel]

I feel your pain. Those sound like really spoilt pets!

My dog (he lives with my parents now, but I still think about him as my dog), usually tries to play around before you put the lash on him. But it's a game: catch me if you can! (and usually he really wants to get out, so it doesn't last long).

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I don't mind the playing around thing. It's cute. These guys hide behind furniture and snap and snarl.

They are not nice dogs at all. The people that live at what I call "the house from the fifties" are BFF with these people. They warned me AFTER I agreed to housesit that these dogs were evil little blighters.

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha! Poor you. Their owners sound like truly odd people who have mistaken their pets for Barbie dolls.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Exactly! They probably have one of those baby carriages somewhere to haul these fat little jerks around! GAH EVIL DOGS!!!!

[drusillas-rain.livejournal.com]

*shakes head*

wow - this is so incredibly disturbing. I feel really sorry for the dogs, and for you for having to go through such a crazy weekend.

My dogs aren't perfectly trained and they're definitely spoiled, but god - not wanting to housebreak them because it would be traumatizing?

*♥ you for working at the Humane Society*

I've been donating $$$ to my local Humane Society since I got my first real job. I even occasionally write letters to the government. I have nothing but complete respect for people who work there. I've always wanted to volunteer, but it's one of the few things that gets me teary-eyed and sad. How do you not take all the dogs home?

[wook77.livejournal.com]

First - omg miss piggy as princess leia icon!!! OMG, I love it!

Ok, no on to the comment... it really is. They're trying to be nice to these dogs but not instilling discipline with a dog is a form of cruelty. The dogs need a pack order and they're not providing it.

I actually sorta lucked into the job. It was one of those positions that was just beyond my expertise and my boss took a chance on me and I'm ever so glad he did. It's amazingly rewarding and I adore it. It's easy-ish not to take the dogs home because I know the screening process and our adoption rates. Our humane society adopts out 99.8% of all adoptable animals. We're almost the highest in the country (I think we're number 3) for adoption rates. I think it would be harder at a shelter with lower adoption rates.

I have done fostering of the "hard" dogs... the ones that have to be socialised before they go up for adoption or the ones that need manners. I took in a foster dog that weighed 160 lbs that needed manners as he jumped up on everyone. We had a successful adoption on that one and that made me VERY happy.

All that being said and I have a "failed" foster at home. I adopted Nala because I couldn't give her up. She's such a lovely dog and having special needs means that it would've taken FOREVER to get her a home. So, I just kept her. She loves me and I love her so it works *grins*. Even though she's spoilt, she still has manners and doesn't snap and snarl or anything unless she's pushed to the edge (the edge being my 2 yr old nephew hitting her on the head with a book repeatedly while trapping her in a corner and screaming at the top of his lungs to try to get her to play).

[incapricious.livejournal.com]

My poor wook. *pets*

That "feel free to dress them however you wish" note is severely WTF. *shakes head*

[fiona-fawkes.livejournal.com]

*snorts into her coffee*

Your life is so amusing. I second the push for a collected works. Lots of amusing short stories all bound together.