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wook77Title: Deployment
Series: DADT
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wook77
Fandom: Original
Pairing: Mark/Jeremy
Warnings:
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~875
Summary: Mark can get through this if he doesn't think about it. And if he doesn't breathe. Or blink. Or even exist.
A/N: Part two of an earlier flashfic. This one, as well, is a flashfic and is unbeta'd. Part 1.
He's going to maintain, he can do this, if he just doesn't breathe or blink. If he doesn't think. If he stops existing, he can get through this goodbye without touching, without kissing and holding and hugging and whispering 'don't go' in the ear that he'd traced just this morning. Mark can do this if he ignores the ravaging pain of the approaching separation.
He'd known it was coming, had known it deep within but the reality is so much worse than anything his imagination had thrown at him in the past month. He's not slept in a week, choosing, instead, to spend the time tracing the contours of Jeremy's face, touching him to make up for the way that he's not going to get to touch him for months. Even as they got in the car this morning, Jeremy tossing his pack in the trunk while Mark slid behind the driver's seat, Mark had concentrated on the touch. His hand had grasped Jeremy's and he's never been so glad that they hadn't purchased the stickshift that he'd wanted. This moment, their fingers entwined together and resting so that Mark's hand is trapped between Jeremy's long, delicate fingers and his muscular thigh.
As soon as they approach the base, Mark can feel the moment of separation coming, that moment of pretending that they're just roommates and best friends from childhood. With less than a mile to go, Mark veers off the road, driving onto a back road until he can park and feel safe that no one's going to see them. Ignoring Jeremy's questioning look, he slides the gear shift into park and then leans over, spearing his hands into Jeremy's hair and holding on for dear life as he ravages Jeremy's mouth. The feel of Jeremy's hands on his face, soft and gentle in direct contrast to the desperate heat of his own savageness, only fuels him further.
"I love you," he breathes against Jeremy's lips as the need for air finally pulls him away from Jeremy's mouth.
"I love you, too." Jeremy doesn't promise that he'll return, that everything will be all right. They'd be empty promises considering where Jeremy's off to. Besides, Mark only wants one promise and it's unfair of him to ask for it. What sort of selfish bastard demands that their lover give up their career and life's work just for him?
It's just… it's just that Mark spends his days giving of himself, spreading himself thin as he teaches the kids he considers his own and then, he comes home to Jeremy hanging out with his military buddies and gives up more as he pretends to be Jeremy's roommate and best friend. All it would take is one brief caress and Mark wouldn't have to sacrifice himself any longer but to do so would require sacrificing his happiness because it would sacrifice Jeremy's happiness. He can't do it so he suffers but he just wants to live openly with Jeremy. He just wants to be able to hold hands and touch freely.
It shouldn't be too much to ask for that he gets to kiss Jeremy at the send-off, that he gets to show his emotions the same as the wives and girlfriends.
"You'll write?" he asks instead of 'don't go' or 'please stop leaving me' or even 'why do you love your career more than me'.
"Of course."
"We can Skype, right?"
"Yeah, of course. At least, that's what I'm told can happen."
They slide into silence, full of questions and answers that neither want to give or receive. Jeremy's watch beeps and reminds them of the deadline that's approaching too quickly.
"I'll be here," Mark says into the silence as he slides back into his seat, pulls the seat belt on and starts the car, focusing his eyes straight ahead rather than at Jeremy. "When you get back, I'll be here."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you." Jeremy reaches for Mark's hand and squeezes before pulling away and putting it on his leg where Mark can see him squeezing and releasing reflexively.
"I could say the same," he says and it comes out far more bitter than he'd meant. They're slipping into silence again as Mark steers them through the gate, ignoring the salutes and heading towards the staging area. "Wish they'd get on pulling us out of there."
"Yeah," Jeremy says, resignation in his voice.
"No matter what, I'll be here."
"You're here already," Jeremy says, the serious tone belying the cheesiness of the line as he taps his chest, right over his heart. "I'm carrying you with me."
"And I'll keep you safe here." Mark touches his own chest.
All too soon, they've reached the deployment area and Mark pulls into a parking space. Jeremy touches Mark's chest with his fingertips and then he's out of the car, yanking his duffel and then striding across the parking lot. Mark leaves his fingers touching his chest as he watches Jeremy walk away.
As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.
Series: DADT
Author:
wook77Fandom: Original
Pairing: Mark/Jeremy
Warnings:
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~875
Summary: Mark can get through this if he doesn't think about it. And if he doesn't breathe. Or blink. Or even exist.
A/N: Part two of an earlier flashfic. This one, as well, is a flashfic and is unbeta'd. Part 1.
He's going to maintain, he can do this, if he just doesn't breathe or blink. If he doesn't think. If he stops existing, he can get through this goodbye without touching, without kissing and holding and hugging and whispering 'don't go' in the ear that he'd traced just this morning. Mark can do this if he ignores the ravaging pain of the approaching separation.
He'd known it was coming, had known it deep within but the reality is so much worse than anything his imagination had thrown at him in the past month. He's not slept in a week, choosing, instead, to spend the time tracing the contours of Jeremy's face, touching him to make up for the way that he's not going to get to touch him for months. Even as they got in the car this morning, Jeremy tossing his pack in the trunk while Mark slid behind the driver's seat, Mark had concentrated on the touch. His hand had grasped Jeremy's and he's never been so glad that they hadn't purchased the stickshift that he'd wanted. This moment, their fingers entwined together and resting so that Mark's hand is trapped between Jeremy's long, delicate fingers and his muscular thigh.
As soon as they approach the base, Mark can feel the moment of separation coming, that moment of pretending that they're just roommates and best friends from childhood. With less than a mile to go, Mark veers off the road, driving onto a back road until he can park and feel safe that no one's going to see them. Ignoring Jeremy's questioning look, he slides the gear shift into park and then leans over, spearing his hands into Jeremy's hair and holding on for dear life as he ravages Jeremy's mouth. The feel of Jeremy's hands on his face, soft and gentle in direct contrast to the desperate heat of his own savageness, only fuels him further.
"I love you," he breathes against Jeremy's lips as the need for air finally pulls him away from Jeremy's mouth.
"I love you, too." Jeremy doesn't promise that he'll return, that everything will be all right. They'd be empty promises considering where Jeremy's off to. Besides, Mark only wants one promise and it's unfair of him to ask for it. What sort of selfish bastard demands that their lover give up their career and life's work just for him?
It's just… it's just that Mark spends his days giving of himself, spreading himself thin as he teaches the kids he considers his own and then, he comes home to Jeremy hanging out with his military buddies and gives up more as he pretends to be Jeremy's roommate and best friend. All it would take is one brief caress and Mark wouldn't have to sacrifice himself any longer but to do so would require sacrificing his happiness because it would sacrifice Jeremy's happiness. He can't do it so he suffers but he just wants to live openly with Jeremy. He just wants to be able to hold hands and touch freely.
It shouldn't be too much to ask for that he gets to kiss Jeremy at the send-off, that he gets to show his emotions the same as the wives and girlfriends.
"You'll write?" he asks instead of 'don't go' or 'please stop leaving me' or even 'why do you love your career more than me'.
"Of course."
"We can Skype, right?"
"Yeah, of course. At least, that's what I'm told can happen."
They slide into silence, full of questions and answers that neither want to give or receive. Jeremy's watch beeps and reminds them of the deadline that's approaching too quickly.
"I'll be here," Mark says into the silence as he slides back into his seat, pulls the seat belt on and starts the car, focusing his eyes straight ahead rather than at Jeremy. "When you get back, I'll be here."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you." Jeremy reaches for Mark's hand and squeezes before pulling away and putting it on his leg where Mark can see him squeezing and releasing reflexively.
"I could say the same," he says and it comes out far more bitter than he'd meant. They're slipping into silence again as Mark steers them through the gate, ignoring the salutes and heading towards the staging area. "Wish they'd get on pulling us out of there."
"Yeah," Jeremy says, resignation in his voice.
"No matter what, I'll be here."
"You're here already," Jeremy says, the serious tone belying the cheesiness of the line as he taps his chest, right over his heart. "I'm carrying you with me."
"And I'll keep you safe here." Mark touches his own chest.
All too soon, they've reached the deployment area and Mark pulls into a parking space. Jeremy touches Mark's chest with his fingertips and then he's out of the car, yanking his duffel and then striding across the parking lot. Mark leaves his fingers touching his chest as he watches Jeremy walk away.
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Date: 2011-03-19 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-20 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-21 08:50 pm (UTC)