Random Update Is Random

[wook77]

I keep meaning to post but then I figure *meh*.

I tried to deposit a check tonight and the ATM ate it. So now I have to file for all sorts of stuff tomorrow at the bank but, in the meantime, I'm in need of that fucking money. *grrrrr*

I left Fry's an hour early because the music was OMGKILLING me. Dude. I don't like patriotic music on the best of days but when it's been a really long fucking day with a lot of really stressful shit, I'd prefer not to have God Bless America with a full chorus and an operatic soprano eating into my brain at 11 o'clock at night. It's going to haunt me. I know it is. Add in patriotic marches and I'm doomed.

I'm in a rather weird place, emotionally. This warnings discussion and wank have really helped me realize where I'm at on my own path. I'm sort of getting tired of both sides, tbh. But I'm most annoyed with the people saying that they shouldn't have a pre-reader. IDK. I think it's teh "I'm not that weak" that's implied in there. I have pre-readers for certain triggers and I don't think it's weak at all. I think it's acknowledging my limits. I don't do embarrassment because it triggers me. For the same reason, I don't do child abuse unless it's in certain parameters that my pre-readers are well aware of. And I don't really like feeling inferior because I have those pre-readers. See my speshul snowflake status come shining through.

So I'm attempting to reconcile where I thought I was at, where I might be at and where I want to be at. Maybe I'm not as whole as I'd like to be or even to the level I thought I was. So, emotionally fragile definitely describes me at this point. I feel raw and am taking stupid shit way too personally.

In more fandom news, I've finished my bigbangblackout fic. You can sort of tell where my love of HP died a horrible death. I'm hopeful that the betas can point me in the right direction to make the story awesome again. The idea is rather cool and it starts out well. It just slides right down into a flaming pile of dogshit near the end.

Finally, I'm writing a story that would, for the most part, completely and totally squick me most days. I totally blame elanorofcastile and this post with Karl Urban miming a BJ using a microphone in the goofiest, sexiest sweater vest ever. I swear to god, I feel dirty and perverted and not in a good way but I cannot get the story out of my head.

How are all of you?

Comments

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Whatever works for you. *hugs*

[snegurochka_lee]

Oooh, congrats on finishing bigbangblackout!! I'm still typing like mad this week to try to finish, argh. It's nice that there's still plenty of time for beta'ing, true, although I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself. :)

[kalldoro.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that whole discussion has gone quite crazy, with both sides going a bit too far. I agree with you, there's nothing wrong with a pre-reader. I am fortunate enough that I don't really have any triggers, but there are certain stories I just don't want to read, such as death-fic, and I want to be able to avoid them. Fanfic is my happy place.

*hugs* I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I hope it gets better for you. *sends you cookies*

[dream-wia-dream.livejournal.com]

Ugh - see, I don't trust depositing checks in ATMs for anything over $20. I don't TRUST them at all. I hope the bank steps up and helps you out to make the process easier.

I think I might go crazy if I worked anywhere that had a soundtrack playing. My sis works for Old Navy & my cousin works at Universal. And BOTH of them have to deal with listening to the same stuff looping over and over. It's amazing there aren't more retail employees that snap and go on a killing spree. Not that I'm advocating it, unless people are really annoying. hee hee.

I've been thinking about the whole discussion with warnings and triggers, lately, too. I don't think that having a prereader is weak at all. There are a few things that I will just skip if they have warnings that make me cringe. Unless someone I really trust tells me to read it, I just won't. And that works for all levels - not just on triggers. Hell, I act as a prereader for one of my friends to point out well written stories that she should read that she doesn't have time to find for herself. There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. You are an extremely speshul snowflake. And I loves you for it. :D

I am going to ignore the Karl Urban Mic Blowjob for now because if I don't ignore it, my brain may explode. Oh, the dirty thoughts I have about that man....mmmmmm

[shygryf.livejournal.com]

I avoid the pre reader issue by only reading fics recced to me by people i trust. I don't look through comms for new fic. I am just that easily upset.

I'm sorry about wank and jobs and ATMs

*hugs*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of people's HP interest is dying or dead. I won't finish BBBO as a result. That, and I have another fic due.

I've taken to writing Trek fic now and am totally looking forward to a certain fest that has yet to be mentioned.

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

OMFG, that micjob. I can't even look at it without blushing. what was he thinking???? and what are you writing??????

xoxoxoMary

[libgirl.livejournal.com]

I have no issues whatsoever using pre-readers etc. Frankly that's a case of me trying to be responsible for myself and having my friends help me out there. That doesn't seem weak to me. ~hugs~ I took a lot of the stuff sort of personally as well and as a result, after I made my post I really just walked away from the discussion. ~shrugs~

YAY for you on the BB fic! :D

[star98hope.livejournal.com]

congrats on finishing your fic! and I don't think you should ever feel inferior for doing something you know is good for you. *hugs*

OMG that Karl Urban picture - so ridiculous and yet somehow completely awesome. I love how crazy he is. :D

[wook77.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* That's what I figure. It'd just be nice if we all would feel that way.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It really is rather crap at the end. It totally has a rushed ending that's pastedede on yay. It's really really awful. I'm so not kidding.

Keep going! You can do it! Sirius needs banged, baby!

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Yeah, agreed. Some sort of moderation on either side would be appreciated but now it's turned into this polarizing "you're either with us or against us" sort of thing. I'll stick to the middle plzkthx.

It did get better :D. The bank totally just was all "oops, our bad" and I didn't have to work tonight so free time and I'm still writing fic that sort of squicks me, in concept but I'm absolutely in love with it. IDK. My issues, if you have a few days, let me show you them ;)

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I don't mind them but this one ate my check so all I could retrieve was a little corner. Went in to the bank and they were all "oops, our bad" and everything was fixed within about 10 minutes. It was weird.

Oh man, yes. The soundtrack, most nights, just puts me to sleep but this patriotic crap? Spare me. Between it and the fucktard customers, I'm ready to kill someone half the nights I'm there.

I'm totally a speshul snowflake *winks*. I'm a-ok with that. I agree, though. I have squicks and then I have triggers. And, thankfully, a few folks know what both and either are and warn me away from stuff. I just wish more people would realize that they're different things.

Dude, you can't. You have to go there. He pops it into his mouth and sucks on it. IN A RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE SWEATERVEST.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, that's really really smart. You don't end up with random poorly written fic.

Thankfully, the ATM thing is fixed. I didn't have to work tonight so that's fixed too :D. The wank, again thankfully, is more that it's making me introspective. I'm not in there hashing it out for either side. I just wish both would be a bit more respectful of everyone.

*hugs back*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

It really is dying a slow, drawn-out, painful death. I'm finishing my Sirius Big Bang but, other than random drabbles, I'm done in HP. I'm really loving the dynamics between Kirk/McCoy and I find the fandom to be quite a bit more supportive than HP ever was. IDK if it will stay that way but I'm going to pretend that it will.

Ohhh, what fest? And I have your fic open to read :D

[wook77.livejournal.com]

INORFUCKINGRITE!? Dude. The whole thing in his mouth. HE PUT IT INTO HIS MOUTH!

asl;dfjas;dlkfj

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Me either. Dude, it's not a sign of weakness to have others out there reading. In a way, it's sort of what reclists are, aren't they? They're someone pre-reading for you, yanno?

I definitely took some of the stuff from both sides personally and that transferred into reactions to people in fandom and IRL so I'm done with reading the meta on it. It's turned into not so much meta but attacks and, srsly, enough already.

I'd love another opinion, if you'd want to read. I'm not kidding about the slide into dogshit, though.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Hopefully the ending can be salvaged.

Inorite?! OMG. Karl. Dude. First he drops trou. Then he walks around in a feather boa and lipstick. Now he's sucking a mic into his mouth. He's seriously a walking, talking fangirl's wet dream. He's so crazy, he's AWESOME.

[corvidae9.livejournal.com]

1) Hello! I was thinking about you the other day and thinking you are an excellent person and a good friend.

2) Your fic is likely not a steaming pile of dogshit.

3) Finally, I'm writing a story that would, for the most part, completely and totally squick me most days.
AHAHAHA. Now you've gone and done it. It'll just get worse from here. Next thing you know there'll be furries and watersports and you'll just shake your head and wonder where the prehensile penis came from. It's a slippery slope.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

1.) <3 I have an email to finish up to send to you!

2.) Oh but it is. Srsly. I jump random timelines and just slapped together an ending.

3.) LOLOL - well, it's got a 13 year old seducing a 19 year old. So, um, I'm thinking I'm well on the way to the speshul hell. I've had to put it on hold as I'm so squicked. I might have to age up Kirk.

Also - ILU and ADORE YOU!

[libgirl.livejournal.com]

I just realized that I never replied to this!

I'm happy to read and provide an opinion as long as you're not looking for a full beta, sadly I just don't have the time for that.

Also, and in conclusion, you rock!