Abuse of the Flist

[wook77]

In other, less emo, news -

How would you describe the taste of pumpernickel? short and succinct like "woodsy" or "bitter" or something, plz.

Why yes, I hate pumpernickel bread and haven't had it in about 15 years. If I were to go on my response as a description, the following paragraph would look like -

Instead, he nodded, closed his eyes and picked up the sandwich, taking a full bite. The Russian dressing burst over his tongue as the sprouts crunched between his teeth. The turkey and the provolone melted in his mouth even as the dark bread's do not want taste blended it all together. The sweetness of the tomatoes balanced the bread out.

Comments

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

The more important question is, do you really need to describe what the bread (or any of the rest of that stuff) tastes like? If it has nothing to do with your plot or characterisation, you don't need to describe it. I promise. XP

[wook77.livejournal.com]

It's actually what gets them together, the fact that this guy is making a sandwich for the main character. So it's sort of important. It's also all about how this guy is getting out of his box (he normally only orders a ham and swiss on rye). It's all part of the way that Character Y is breaking Character X out of his shell one bit at a time.

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

Okay, the sandwich is important. That it's not ham-and-swiss-on-rye is important. But unless there is suprize buttsecks poison in the turkey, the specifically described taste is not important.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

The sandwich is a metaphor that contains the meaning of buttsecks life :P.

I get what you're saying. How else would I describe it, though, considering tha the dude's eyes are closed and he has no idea what he's putting in his mouth until it's there?

*haz teh uncreatives and teh dumb*

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

What I'm saying is you don't need to describe the taste in loving detail, that's all! Most people will know what these things taste like, and you run the risk of describing it wrong for someone, because taste sensations differ!

For example, you could go with something like:

Instead, he nodded, closed his eyes and picked up the sandwich, taking a full bite. Turkey and provolone. Tomatoes and [what kind of?] sprouts. Pumpernickel. [insert sentence-reaction relating this to his ham-and-swiss habit and What It Might Mean OMG].

I don't know if the staccato rhythm & the italics on pumpernickel (which presumably is the most "different" thing about this sandwich?) is appropriate to your scene, but you could accomplish a more lingering effect with ellipses, though IDK if that would count as ellipsis abuse (I'd totally do it XD).

Also, you might want to have him pick up the sandwich and then close his eyes, because otherwise I see blooper scene potential in the visual ("um, dawg, that's the knife, not the sandwich... DON'T BITE THAT OW")

[wook77.livejournal.com]

LMFAO at the blooper scene. I actually might do that. The character eating the sandwich is an auditor for the IRS. It would fit. Maybe not with this one but with one of the other metaphors sandwiches.

I love how you reworked that section. I'm going to take your idea and run with it.

thanks for putting up with my "but how do you do that?!" demandings and stuffs<3<3<3

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Also - I'm pumping your brain. You can tell me to get stuffed and write my own damn thing if you'd like <3

[elanorofcastile.livejournal.com]

*icon love*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

<3 It's still a favorite!

[shygryf.livejournal.com]

lol. very evocative.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

inorite? Do Not Want is such a professional description.

[oulangi.livejournal.com]

HAHA but I actually like pumpernickle :/ Especially the darker European style, which is more solid and nutty, with a hint of molasses and crumbles when you bite it. I'm not sure I can describe the flavor, but emotionally it tastes like home, and eating pea soup bought from a park vendor after skipping school to ice skate because the canals only freeze once or twice a year.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Solid and nutty work for me.

I can't stand it. I remember eating it and having my stomach churn. I love a dark wheat bread but I can't stand rye or pumpernickel. Unless the rye bread is coupled with my other least favorite things like thousand island dressing and swiss cheese and pastrami. Put on some sauerkraut and BAM! You have heaven on a plate.

[lurkitty.livejournal.com]

I'm allergic to pumpernickle. It's the caraway. Make mine a veggie reuben on sourdough plz.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

mmmmm. Reubens. They're happiness indeed. The only ingredient I can stand is the sauerkraut but you put them all together and I go gaga over them. God I love a reuben.

[acromantular.livejournal.com]

I like it. (Pumpernickle.) Would suggest "nutty".

[wook77.livejournal.com]

Nutty it is :D:D:D:D

It flows better than "do not want" :D