(no subject)

You know, I've convinced people to "do the right thing" and to donate to work, to bring animals in instead of allowing them to run the streets, to be more concientous.

Why do I keep doing this? I've been kicked in the teeth over and over now. I'm never doing this again. Ever.

I need a new fucking job, one that doesn't screw me and my family over constantly.

Goodbye Sassy. I'm sorry for this. I tried to do the right thing, I tried really hard and I'm really sorry that this has happened. I've been lied to but that doesn't excuse it. I'm so very very sorry.

How am I going to tell my mother?

(no subject)

I've been staring at this update journal screen for about an hour and the rant/introspection/everything that I had thought of while at the gym just doesn't fit anymore.

It happened, people keep trying to spin it to benefit themselves and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. I've not turned on the television today because I don't want to see that image that's already burned into my head over and over and over. I'm just ignoring what the date is.

Instead of ranting or anything about today, I'm going to post semi-good news. I've lost another pound. Ever since I stopped denying myself ice cream, I've been losing weight. Go figure. Also - my arms are exhausted but not in pain. That's a nice feeling.

What's not a nice feeling? I needed a spot for this shoulder-pressing thingy and what weight did I have it at? 10 frikken pounds. I'm such a weakling.

I saw muscle in my forearm and biceps today. That made me happy. I actually grinned at it and flexed to see it again. Yeah, I'm a dork.