Fic: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 11

[wook77]

Title: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 11
Author: wook77
Pairing:: Dean/Seamus (other slash and het pairings contained within)
Rating: PG (Eventual rating: Hard R to NC-17)
100quills prompt: 12. Unknown
Warnings: Canon compliant through DH. Pre-Epilogue. Additional Warnings at the beginning of Chapter 1.
Wordcount: Overall: ~70k This part: 1700
Summary: Four years ago, Dean Thomas died in the midst of a raid. Seamus saw it happen right in front of his eyes but seeing isn't believing and reality is in the eye of the beholder.
A/N: Many many thanks to nefernat and elanorofcastile for the beta job. All remaining mistakes are my own.

All Chapters



"Opened me gob, opened it wide and just spat out some rubbish about forgiving everyone and he just walked. Haven't seen him since." Seamus reclined in the chair inside Parvati's office. He played with the fabric of his denims, pinching and then releasing it.

"There're going to be rough spots, you know that," Parvati said as she steepled her fingers under her chin and then grabbed the pink quill. "It was just yesterday?"

"Yeah, last night at dinner. He made me mam's stew so I just wanted him to talk to his mam, try to heal it up, you know?"

"Give him time, Seamus." Parvati counselled and Seamus glared at her. "Don't you glare at me. I know you don't have much patience but you'll need to acquire some from somewhere."

Seamus almost spat something mean back at her but he bit his tongue and reined in the anger. "Now that he's back, I keep thinking that something's going to suddenly make it all better. Isn't that what this treatment's supposed to do? Give him all his memories back?"

"It's extremely experimental and if it doesn't work, that's it. He can't try anything else to recover them."

"What do you mean by that?" Seamus sat up straighter. "This don't work and that's it?"

"Exactly. He's under a lot of stress and it's a big decision."

"So you're telling me that my timing couldn't have been poorer if I'd tried?" Seamus sat back and his head cracked against the wall. A knock sounded and Seamus sat up again.

"Speaking of timing," Parvati said wryly as she spelled the door open and Dean walked through. "Good morning, Dean."

"Morning, Vati," Dean said and then turned to Seamus. "Morning."

"Should leave you two alone to discuss whatever it is you're in here discussing." Seamus stood, painfully close to Dean, and then shied away from him.

"Don't have to go on my account."

"Got to get back to work anyway." Seamus nodded at Parvati and then slipped out the door, careful not to brush against Dean.

As he made his way down the hall towards the lifts, he heard Dean shout his name. Pausing where he stood, he braced himself for the inevitably awkward conversation about to follow.

"Seamus?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Telling me what you thought instead of coddling me. I know I didn't react well but I appreciate it all the same."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You're in for it now, then. You'll always be getting my advice all the time," Seamus said, attempting to tease as relief swept through him. "By the way, if you're up for it, Quidditch game with Ron coming up if you want to go."

"Yeah, that'd be brilliant. Vati coming?"

"Don't know, you'll have to ask her." Seamus looked over his shoulder. "Dinner, my treat tonight?"

"Hope we're going out. I'd rather not end up with food poisoning," Dean quipped.

Seamus tossed a rude gesture towards Dean. "Got a treat for you."

"That sort of treat?" Dean raised his eyebrows and leered. Seamus laughed back.

"Just you wait, Thomas. Some day, some day. For now, go on, Vati's waiting for you and she's rather expensive." At Dean's worried look, Seamus clarified, "She'll expect you to cook for her or something. God knows that that's a fate worse than death and all."

"Sod off, Finnigan, just because you can't cook…"

"Just be ready for after your meeting with Vati. I'll meet you here about three." Seamus winked and then pressed the button for the lift.

"Okay, I'll see you then," Dean said as the lift pinged and the doors slid open. Seamus saluted and was off to prepare for their visit.

~~**~~

Bemused, Dean walked back down the hallway towards Parvati's office. After sitting in the same chair as Seamus, he watched as Parvati shut the door and then steepled her fingers under her chin. "So I hear you had an argument."

"We did, yeah. I reacted poorly." Dean unwittingly echoed Seamus's gesture of raking his hands through his hair. "Been asking people to stop coddling me and what do I do the second Seamus stops? I hare off to the loo to pout."

"Were you?" Parvati asked as she grabbed her quill and started taking notes.

"I was, yeah. He told me I needed to talk to my family and he's right but…" Dean trailed off, unsure how to continue in any way that wouldn't make him seem a petulant child. "But I'm still hurt that they held all of this," he waved his hands in the air to encompass the whole of the Wizarding world, "this place and magic and my past and Seamus from me. I'm pissed and hurt. Can't think of anything to say to them that isn't nasty."

"Then take your time, talk to them when you're ready." She looked up at him and dropped the quill. "Did he say anything else?"

"He said I needed to forgive him and myself, too." This part was so much harder to discuss. "I don't blame him. It's not his fault and I think he still blames himself. I catch him looking at me, sometimes."

"Looking? How?" Parvati quirked an eyebrow at him.

Dean gave a nervous laugh. "Did we talk? Before all of this? How close were we?"

"We were close enough. Not as close as we could've been. We were separated that last year of school and then life and loss got in the way. Has Seamus spoken to you about Colin?" Parvati asked as she reclined back in her chair.

"A bit. He's the bloke that took all the pictures? The ones during school, at least. Seamus said he died."

"Such an easy statement to make, 'he died'. We were," it was Parvati's turn to pause and it was obvious to Dean that she was searching for an appropriate word, "close. That last year of school. It hurt horribly when he died."

Dean was at a loss for words. He wasn't very good at thinking of the right thing to say normally let alone at moments like this. After a minute of searching, though, he found it unnecessary as she continued.

"Between that and Lavender needing support to heal, I was a mess. Seamus helped me. He's always been good at being there when you need him. He's sort of like a penny, in a way, always turning up just when you need him. When you and he were together, we got closer than we'd been in school but then, well, then you died and it took a bit but Seamus finally broke. So to answer your question, we were close, just not very close." She finally looked up and gave a small laugh. "That's me, always talking and taking forever and a day to answer a question. Where were we? Oh, right, Seamus has been looking at you and you were going to tell me how."

"He looks lost. Alone. I catch it at odd moments, like when we're watching a footie match on the telly or whatever. I'll look over and he'll be staring at me like, well, like I'm a mirage or something. Like he's afraid if he blinks, I'll disappear." Dean looked down at his hands and played with the skin on the backs of his knuckles. "Then there are other times that he looks at me like he's starving and I'm all he needs."

"And how do those looks make you feel?" Dean wanted to laugh at the obvious cliché of her asking him that but he didn't. Instead he paused and searched for the right words.

"Scared." He still didn't look up and as he listened for it, he didn't hear Parvati taking notes. "It scares me how much he needs me, how much power I have over him. You said he was fragile, before, but I don't think that's just right. Is there a word for more than fragile?"

"Has he told you what happened after you passed?" Dean still couldn't quite get over the way everyone kept referring to him as dying or passing.

"Said he went a bit insane, took missions that he shouldn't have, that sort of thing."

"So he is talking to you about it, then. That's good." At the pause, Dean finally looked up and saw her staring at him. "Is that the only reason you're scared? The amount of power you have because of how much Seamus loves you?"

"Does he love me? Or does he love who I was? I'm not the same. I don't think I can be." The last was whispered.

"There are so many questions that we don't have the answers to. Sometimes, I think that we're never meant to acquire the answers to everything." Parvati looked lost for a moment and then brightened. "Have you thought more about the procedure?"

"Yeah, still not sure about it. I don't know about losing every other chance. I want my past back so bad I can taste it."

"That's a decision only you can make."

Dean thought back to how he'd felt when he'd first remembered getting his Hogwarts letter and the little bits of memory. He remembered Parvati's excitement and then Seamus's. From there, the frustration and the disappointment of the various treatments flitted through his mind.

"Dean?" Parvati's voice intruded.

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to make that decision today. Not even tomorrow or the day after. Take your time, think it over." It all sounded so logical when she put it like that. He'd had just about four years of not having the memories so he'd gotten used to it, hadn't he? He couldn't lose what he didn't have. If this was the only option than he needed to take it.

"Let's do it."

"Take your time," Parvati cautioned.

"I've had four years. I don't need any more time. Healer Guérir is here, it's time." Dean's nerves tingled with the idea.

"We still don't know what caused the memory loss. As soon as we know, we can start." Parvati came around the desk and then hugged Dean. "I hope this works."

"Can't lose what I don't have," Dean said before hugging her back.

"Let's go talk to Healer Guérir."

As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.

Chapter 12