wook77 | (no subject)

For the

perposterice Summery Challenge. In case you are unfamiliar with this community, it is filled with horribly bad summaries. This quick ficlet is one of two I volunteered for. This is a form of crack, hopefully. I made the icon myself, so if anyone is grabbing it, please credit me, kthanks!

Header: crack!ficlet
Title: The Audit
Author: wook77
Pairing: None
Warnings: none
Summery: #80 - Ginny Weasley is unnoticed and undepreciated
Word Count: 817
Rating: G

Ginny Weasley was not feeling the love right now. In fact, she was feeling downright unnoticed. It was depressing, really, when one thought about it, which Ginny did at any and all opportunity. Quite like most girls her age, she loved to dwell on her misfortunes and rub it into her parents’ faces. The trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl were countless and so she always had ammunition to use in her rebellion against her parents.

The source of her current angst was the fact that the Weasleys were being audited. Every year, every Wizarding family faced the threat of an audit. The Weasleys, due to the fact that they were so poor, had so far only been audited twice in the past 15 years. Their luck, however, had just run out.

To help to show the state of their poverty, the Weasleys made sure to put their worst foot forward. Mrs. Weasley wore her oldest housedress with a pair of holey slippers. Mr. Weasley wore a set of robes with frayed cuffs and a hole in the elbow. Ginny wore, after quite a bit of fuss, Ron’s robes from the Yule Ball. They were garish and horrible. They also did not fit well. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley also made sure that the couch sagged, the chairs wobbled and the table had a cement block at one of the corners to hold
it up. All of the surfaces were scratched and gouged.

The auditors were currently sitting around the rickety table in the dining and kitchen area of the house. They were a pompous bunch, dressed as they were in designer robes and exclusive shoes. Each of them had a horrible comb-over with tufts of hair sticking out over their ears. As Ginny sat there, she noticed that a few of them had hair sticking OUT of their ears.

They muttered and grumbled to themselves as they looked over the stack of receipts and paperwork. They hum-hummed even more than that bitch, Delores Umbridge. They tut-tutted and clucked as they separated papers from each of the piles.

“What fixed assets do you have, Mr. Wellington?” One of the auditors asked.

“Weasley and we have the house here, of course.” One of the auditors snorted as he looked around. “All of the furnishings, the land, the shed.”

“What about the children you claimed previously? I believe you had,” Another auditor paused as he read over a piece of paper. “seven, dear sweet Merlin, seven? Do either of you do anything other than shag?”

“Seven is not that uncommon of an amount of children. We still have all seven of our beautiful children.” Mrs. Weasley sniffed at the offending auditor.

“Do they live with you?” Mrs. Weasley was sure she heard one of them ask, ‘where do they put them all?’

“Just our youngest, Ginny. The rest live on their own.”

“Ginny? I don’t see any record of a ‘Ginny’.” Each of the auditors tut-tutted over the paperwork once more. Ginny watched as they all flipped through the stack of paperwork self-importantly.

“She’s filed under Ginerva.” One auditor chuckled and whispered to another, ‘what kind of name is Ginerva? Did they run out of actual names? Why couldn’t they be satisfied with a name like Virginia?’

“Female? Age 16?” Asked one of the searching auditors.

“Yes, that’s her. We’ve depreciated her as we were instructed.”

“She is a female. Females are not considered fixed assets. Only male offspring are considered fixed assets. As an employee of the Ministry, you should realize that fact.” The tone of the voice grated on Ginny as she sat, unnoticed, in the corner.

“I was told by the last auditors that I should depreciate the value of all the children.”

“According to the Maximizing Taxes, Fines and Levies Act of 1990, section 15, only male children may be claimed as fixed assets and be depreciated. Female offspring are considered only assets and must be taxed at the full amount. The rest of the children are not able to be depreciated as they are no longer at home.”

“I understand that the boys can’t be claimed anymore. However, why can’t I depreciate Ginny? She is a Weasley, after all.”

“Once she marries, she will no longer be a Weaselby -” Mr. Weasley interrupted once more.

“Weasley.”

“Exactly what I said, Mr. Weasel. To continue, without interruption, please, because she will be acquired in the future by another family, she is considered an asset, not a fixed asset. You may not depreciate her. Therefore, we will need to fine you for violating the statutes and calculate how much in back taxes you owe.” Mr. Weasley sputtered as the auditors continued to mutter amongst themselves. No one looked towards Ginny throughout the conversation.

Ginny, on the other hand, put her head in her hands and cried. She sat there, in her corner, unnoticed and undepreciated.

So, there you have it, whatcha think? Good? Not so good?