wook77: (lying down harry)
[personal profile] wook77
Title: Insequor ("to succeed")
Author: [livejournal.com profile] wook77
Wordcount: 2412
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warnings: mentions of - BDSM, hurt/comfort and child abuse (non-sexual). Nothing too overt.
Excerpt in lieu of a summary: He'd let his childhood, his time in that cupboard under the stairs, the slaps and insults and the touch deprivation affect far too much in his life. Once Draco had pointed out his dissatisfaction, Harry had worked to let go of those issues. They'd been working together for weeks, the intimacy had slowly gone from small things like being face to face to Harry laying on top of Draco. This was to be the first time that Harry would take Draco.

A/N: This is the final part of what I've termed my "Latin Trilogy". The first two parts are - Deprecor ("to beg") and Experior ("to try"). I recommend reading those first, if you haven't. Otherwise, the reactions in here might not make much sense. This series is very dear to my heart as it echoes a progression in my personal life. /cryptic.

Also, this is in response to the AWDT prompt from [livejournal.com profile] jamie2109 and [livejournal.com profile] nocturnali - “failure to communicate".

Many thanks to my beta [livejournal.com profile] anael. She was a huge help. I changed this around a bit after she sent it back so any mistakes are my own.




Harry lingered in the doorway, naked and unsure. Barely controlling the tremors that wanted to take over his body, he wanted to hug his arms around his chest or turn and flee. He might have been sorted into Gryffindor but right now, his mind was demanding survival and survival meant fleeing back to his bedroom, not advancing into this one.

This was the first time he'd ever entered Draco's bedroom except for the occasional cleaning or search for laundry. They'd lived together for almost a year, a year of Harry hiding in his bedroom, awaiting Draco's attention and domination, awaiting Draco's proof of love.

Now it was his turn. Harry knew it and that's why he hesitated in the doorway. It was Harry's turn to prove his love to Draco. It was Harry's turn to dominate and that scared the hell out of him.

The thought of the future domination caused the tremors to slip from the tenuous grasp he held. When he heard his breath panting in and out, Harry did wrap his arms around his chest. It was cold in the room, he justified to himself, that's why there were goose pimples all over his body.

"Harry?" Draco's voice, questioning, loving, concerned, slid across the room. Harry looked over to see Draco's blond hair shining in the flickering light. As the candlelight danced across his skin, he looked almost like an angel but no angel was so demanding, so petulant, so loving to Harry. Only Draco could have such disparate emotions show at the same time. He focused on the love as he crossed the room to Draco.

Finally, Harry walked across the room until he stood next to the bed where Draco lay naked before him. When Draco sat up, Harry bent down to press his lips against Draco's. Soon, the kiss heated and they scrambled until they were both kneeling on the bed, chest touching chest.

Harry reached up to cup Draco's face and ended the kiss. Their faces were still close, so close that their noses brushed one another while they caught their breath.

"I love you." Harry murmured and saw Draco's smile spread across his face. Harry realized that this was the first time that he'd ever said those words without prompting.

He'd let his childhood, his time in that cupboard under the stairs, the slaps and insults and the touch deprivation affect far too much in his life. Once Draco had pointed out his dissatisfaction, Harry had worked to let go of those issues. They'd been working together for weeks, the intimacy had slowly gone from small things like being face to face to Harry laying on top of Draco. This was to be the first time that Harry would take Draco.

Uncle Vernon's voice broke in. Freak, it hissed to him as he thought about never saying "I love you" without prompting. It was a failure to communicate on his part, one he was going to rectify.

"I love you, Draco." Harry said it again and this time Draco nodded and pressed his lips to Harry's. The kiss soothed Harry's nerves further as it continued but didn't advance.

Draco's hand was sweaty on his as it grabbed and pulled until Harry felt the pulsing head of Draco's erection against his palm. It was already wet with pre-come. When Harry gripped it firmly and tugged, Draco let out a moan, breaking their kiss before swooping back fiercely.

Harry wouldn't, couldn't tire of the feel of Draco's cock in his hands. Goddamn poofter flitted through his head, hauntingly like Dudley's voice but Harry squelched it. He was proud of his relationship with Draco and the Dursley's had never found out that he was gay before they died. It had been years since he'd last seen them, last talked to them. They had no place here and now, no right to intrude on this moment.

Draco loved him. Draco didn't hurt him. Draco didn't need to prove his love. Just like Harry loved Draco. Harry didn't want to hurt him. Harry ached that he had hurt Draco. Harry needed to prove his love.

While he'd been forcing thoughts of his family back, Harry's body had been continuing. He was only mildly surprised to find that he'd pressed Draco backwards until Harry lay on top of him, grinding their erections together. They'd gone this far many times in the past few weeks but tonight was the night that Harry wanted to go that last step.

Smiling down at Draco, Harry braced himself with one hand on the mattress beside Draco's head while his other hand let go of Draco's cock. That hand slipped behind Draco's balls and rubbed against his perineum. The keening moan that answered him was more than enough to keep Harry on his quest until his thumb rubbed lightly against Draco's hole.

Nervousness left a metallic taste on his tongue as Harry slowly teased Draco. He didn't allow the nerves to show though, as he left Draco's body to grab the pot of lube. After dipping his fingers in to the pot, he slowly moved his hand until he was back at Draco's entrance.

"Do it, Harry. God, I want it." Draco's voice sounded harsh in his ears.

With Draco bucking against his hand, Harry slipped one finger in. It felt tight and warm and wrong. This was wrong.

"Don't stop, Harry. Another one, give me another one." Draco panted.

"I don't know, Draco. I can't. I don't think I can." Instead of chastising him, berating him, calling him freak, Draco merely smiled again before reaching around to grasp Harry's hand, as he stayed frozen in fear, with that one finger inside. Draco held his hand steady as he slid himself over and off, again and again.

"You can, you see? Try, Harry." The words weren't a command. Instead, they were a plea. Harry couldn't avoid the plea and acquiesced. His hand trembled, causing his fingernail to scrape across Draco's skin as he tried to insert the next finger. Draco's moan sounded pained and Harry's breath froze. He quickly dropped his head to nestle it into Draco's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Draco. I'm trying, I really am."

"I know, Harry. That's all that I'm asking. I want this. I want you. I love you." Draco stroked Harry's head as he trembled.

With Draco's hand around his, Harry slowly started to push his fingers in before pulling them back out. He lifted his head to look at Draco's face. Their eyes met as Draco slowly straightened a third finger of Harry's and pushed it deep into his own body.

"Bend your fingers a bit, Harry." Harry did as asked and felt relief as Draco's face contorted and he bit his lip.

"Don’t bite yourself, Draco. Bite me, instead." Draco's eyes flipped open before he reached his free hand to pull Harry down to him. Playful nips accompanied the slow ebb and flow of Harry's fingers.

"I'm ready, Harry. Are you?" The concern and patience in Draco's voice almost made Harry cry. Instead, he nodded and pulled his fingers out.

After lubing himself thoroughly, Harry pressed against Draco's body before slowly slipping in. He could tell that Draco was in pain from the way he bit his lips but he could also tell that Draco was trying to hide that pain from him.

Love welled in his heart as he finally found himself seated within Draco's body. It felt awkward but Harry stayed there until Draco's eyes opened and he felt Draco's hand on his arse. Following Draco's urgings, Harry pulled back before thrusting back in.

It was different and not something that Harry would want to repeat all that often. He liked the feeling of Draco deep within him. He liked the weight of Draco pushing him into the mattress. Hell, he liked being fucked into the mattress.

However, Draco had asked for so little during their time together, how could Harry refuse him? Draco wanted this and so Harry gave. In a way, it was still Draco dominating but it was so different from their earlier encounters. Draco asked, he didn't demand. Harry gave because he could.

When Draco moved his legs up until his ankles locked behind Harry's neck, he found himself going deeper and finally hitting that spot that caused Draco to keen. It was amazing and thrilling to make Draco feel so much pleasure as Harry continued to butt against that spot.

Harry couldn't last much longer. With a final thrust, Harry came deep within Draco's body for the first time. He slowly pulled out and slid down Draco's body until he was faced with Draco's bobbing cock. Darting out a tongue, Harry licked the underside. Possessing an ease born of countless experiences, Harry relaxed his throat and sucked Draco deep. When Harry swallowed around Draco's cock, Draco's moan raised an octave. If his mouth hadn't been full, Harry would have given a rakish grin before continuing. As it was, Harry sucked and licked until Draco's balls tightened and he came with Harry's name on his lips.

It was almost natural now for Harry to slide up Draco's body and nestle into its curve. At last, Harry and Draco lay together without urging or uncomfortable silences.

"Thank you." Draco breathed against Harry's crown before ghosting a kiss across it.

"Was it good, Draco?" Harry hated that he sounded small and unsure but he was. It had been so very different than anything before.

"I think that's the hardest I've come in months, Harry. Of course it was good, Scarhead." Harry grinned before butting his head backwards. The soft clink of scalp on jaw made him giggle.

"Ferret." Draco merely tightened his arms around Harry.

~~**~~

When Harry woke the next morning, the bed was empty. Draco's side was cold. Harry burrowed deeper into the covers as he inhaled Draco's unique scent. This bed was much more comfortable than his own, Harry decided. Perhaps a change of rooms would be necessary.

"Come on, lazy git, the day's wasting away." Draco's sardonic voice interrupted Harry as he kept breathing in that beautiful scent.

"Sod the day, Draco. Come back to bed." Harry peeked his head out of the blankets to see Draco leaning in the doorway with a cup of tea in his hand.

"Now that's an offer that would be hard to resist. However, we had plans for today, didn't we?" Harry had forgotten about their couple's counseling session. It was embarrassing to Harry that he needed a complete stranger to help him communicate with Draco about his childhood. It was a failure on his part, a failure to communicate, a failure to trust.

"But last night worked, didn't it? Do we really need to go, Draco?" Harry sounded petulant and realized it but he didn't really care very much.

"Up, Harry." Draco was firm and crossed the room. The covers were tossed back and Harry was left curled naked in a ball in the bed. Instead of immediately capitulating like he would have weeks earlier, he stuck his tongue out.

"Come back to bed, Draco." Harry put a seductive purr in his voice but Draco merely shook his head.

"We're doing this for you, Harry."

"I don't want to, Draco. I don't like strangers knowing all the intimate details. I don't like it at all. You know I don't like it." Draco set the mug on the end table before crossing his arms.

"Are we going to talk here, Harry?"

Harry nodded and patted the spot in the bed next to him. "Only if you hold me."

Draco slid in and Harry laid his head so that Draco's heartbeat thumped peacefully in his ear.

"That's easy enough." They lay there for minutes or even hours as Harry tried desperately to summon his courage.

"They locked me in a cupboard, under the stairs. There wasn't much space, you know?" Harry's voice was quiet as he finally discovered the courage to start.

"It wasn't the deprivation or even being stuck in there. It was the names, really." Harry trailed off and silence reigned again.

"What names, Harry?" Draco's grip had tightened as Harry spoke.

"Freak." Draco kissed the top of Harry's head.

"Misfit." Draco lifted one of Harry's hands and brushed his lips across the knuckles.

"Unwanted whelp." Draco peppered kisses up Harry's arm as far as he could reach.

"What else did they do, Harry?" Draco sounded so understanding but Harry could tell that he was upset because his heartbeat had accelerated.

"Uncle Vernon used to smack me around a bit. He'd grip my shoulder too hard and leave bruises. They cut off all my hair, once." Draco ran his fingers through Harry's hair, nails lightly raking across the scalp.

"They kept hurting me when they were supposed to love me. Why didn't they love me, Draco? Why did they hate me so much?" Draco's hands were soothing across Harry's skin. It wasn't the time but Harry could feel his cock stirring.

"Because they couldn't do what they knew you could, Harry. They took it out on you. They hurt you because they hated anything different than themselves." Harry had heard the words before but they were finally starting to sink in.

"I know that but…"Harry's voice trailed off while he listened to the peaceful beat under Draco's skin. "I just wanted to be loved. I used to dream of getting something, anything on my birthday or Christmas. Just a hug or something, you know? I didn't even really want presents or shiny paper. A day without names or demands, I didn't think it was so hard to do that."

Draco's hand roughened before evening back out into the smooth glide.

"We can do that, you know. If you want, today, tomorrow, the next and the one after that, a day without names or demands, starting now." Harry lifted his head off of Draco's chest at his offer.

"Are you sure you can keep yourself from calling me Scarhead?" Draco smirked in response.

"That's not a name, that's an endearment. What about Ferret then, hmm? That was a very traumatic time in my life." As Draco tried to look stern, Harry laughed.

"Ok, those are endearments. Yeah, let's do that." Harry turned just a bit and placed a light kiss over Draco's heart beat. "I love you, Draco."

"I love you too, Harry." Draco kissed the crown of Harry's head. It was enough.




As always - concrit welcomed with open arms. I'd love to hear what you think.

Beautiful

Date: 2006-03-06 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brixxx.livejournal.com
This was fantastic. I'd read some of your stories on Hex Files and followed your link hoping to find more, and I wasn't disapointed! This is so beautiful; the emotion expressed here moved me to tears. I thought it a wonderfully cathartic end to the trilogy.

January 2012

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