wook77 | Fic: Experior (NC-17 H/D)

First - if you haven't - would you please take my poll on POV/Perspective?

Title: Experior
Author:

wook77
Wordcount: 1918
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warnings: mentions of BDSM, comfort,

Excerpt in lieu of a summary: It felt odd, unnatural to a point. Harry wanted to be dominated, forced to beg. To him, that was how Draco showed that Harry belonged and was loved. That domination reinforced the belief that Draco loved him because he had every opportunity to hurt and harm, yet didn’t do either. This equality, this gentleness was the unnatural part.

A/N1: This is a continuation of my story, Deprecor. I recommend reading that one first, if you haven’t. Otherwise, the reactions in here might not make much sense. (FYI, Deprecor translates to “to beg” and Experior translates to “to try” in Latin)

A/N2:This is in response to the AWDT prompt from

jamie2109 and

nocturnali - “I saw the way he looked at you”.

Betas:Many thanks to my cadre of betas (in alphabetical order)-

anael,

janicechess,

luciology, and

yodels. All remaining mistakes are my own. I am also dedicating this to

anael as she was so adamant that I write this. *kisses*

Harry shuddered as he observed Draco enter and glide across the room. It had been so long, far too long according to Draco, since he’d watched Draco undress. Uncomfortable and nervous, Harry stared as Draco paused and then reached forward to cup Harry’s chin. The gentleness nearly undid Harry as he shivered under the weight of that gaze.

It felt odd, unnatural to a point. Harry wanted to be dominated, forced to beg. To him, that was how Draco showed that Harry belonged and was loved. That domination reinforced the belief that Draco loved him because he had every opportunity to hurt and harm, yet didn’t do either.

This equality, this gentleness was the unnatural part. This sex for the sake of sex left Harry in uncharted territory. This eye contact, this stare, this loving gaze unnerved Harry and he started to shake.

He watched as Draco, face so close that details blurred, slowly blinked. Disappointment flitted across his face. Harry’s breath caught and stopped. Already Harry was failing Draco. He no longer pleased Draco. Draco was going to leave him. Each thought caused his heartbeat to speed up until its thundering sound was all Harry could hear.

Draco's lips brushed against his and Harry released his breath in a rush. As Draco’s lips moved, Harry couldn’t hear what he was saying over the throbbing beat of his heart. Shaking his head, Harry leaned forward until, naked chest to naked chest, their bodies aligned. When Draco’s arms surrounded him, Harry shuddered once more as his heartbeat slowed to a normal pace.

Finally, Harry could hear Draco, he was murmuring, “It’s fine, Harry, I know this is different but please, oh God, please, it will be fine. We’ll be fine, just calm, soft, shh, love, I love you…” and Harry pressed his head tighter against Draco’s.

For a moment, as their ears pressed against one another’s, Harry could hear the ocean. The ebb and flow of noise finished soothing his heart and mind. Draco’s stream of words slowly trailed off as Harry’s heartbeat pulsed in time with Draco’s.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispered.

“You’re sorry for what, Harry?” Draco whispered back.

“I’m so sorry for my panic attack.” When Draco sighed, Harry knew that everything was forgiven.

“I just want to hear my name from your lips, could you do that?” The trepidation in Draco’s voice reinforced Harry’s determination to do this for him.

“Yes, Draco. I love you, Draco. You know that, right?” Harry pulled back until Draco’s eyes were visible but still blurrily close.

“I love you, too. No matter what, Harry.” Harry nodded before leaning forward once more and pressing their lips together.

The kiss was sweet and hesitant. It felt like the first kiss between them even though they’d kissed so many times before. At last, hesitant hands drifted from clasping behind backs to embracing, touching, rubbing, holding, loving. Everything was slow and timid but Harry was learning. He was trying and he knew that Draco appreciated the effort because of the sighs and moans from his lover.

With hands entwined in Draco’s hair, Harry broke the kiss and nipped at Draco’s chin. An unsteady laugh answered him before Harry turned his attention to Draco’s neck. Harry’s memory of their first few times reminded him that Draco liked it when he would suck on that juncture between collarbone and shoulder. Smiling, Harry nipped and sucked his way down Draco’s neck to that spot before moving back and then up to Draco’s ear. Capturing the lobe, he bit down and Draco’s breath stilled.

Keeping his grip, Harry whispered, “I love you”.

Draco’s breath shot out in a moan.

“I love you, too, Harry. God, I love you.” Draco sounded unsteady to Harry.

“Are you ok with this?”

“Fuck yes, Harry. I wouldn’t have asked for it if I didn’t want it. God, I fucking want you.” Hands rapidly slid down Harry’s back before gripping his arse and shoving their groins so close together that he couldn’t tell whose erection was whose.

The hands gentled abruptly and Harry knew that he had to take the lead again. Walking forward, he moved them until the back of Draco’s knees bumped the bed. Harry grinned before pushing against Draco’s shoulders. After he landed with a bounce, Harry bent to pick up Draco’s knees and place his feet as far apart as possible on the mattress.

“Do you remember our first kiss, Draco?” Harry’s voice went husky as he looked down at Draco splayed out in front of him.

“Yes, Harry.” Draco reached down to toy with his cock and Harry pulled his hand away.

“I’ll take care of that for you, Draco. There’s no need to touch yourself.” Draco nodded in acquiescence and Harry continued speaking. “I saw the way he looked at you and I knew that I had to make my move before I lost my chance. I needed you because I loved you. Even then, I loved you.”

Harry reached down and skimmed his fingers along Draco’s shaft. When he reached the tip, Harry shifted so that he gripped Draco’s cock and leisurely stroked, up and down as he continued.

“I was so scared when I kissed you. I thought, here we are, bitter enemies, reluctant allies and, well, us, and what was I doing kissing you? But I saw the way Seamus was looking at you and I didn’t want to lose you. So I did it, I cornered you and I kissed you. God, when you didn’t respond, I was so scared you were going to hex me.” Harry’s grip tightened as he continued to tug and pull. Draco's head thrashed from side to side while his feet rubbed against the sheets, searching for traction.

“Do you know why I didn’t respond at first?” Harry shook his head in response to Draco’s question. “I didn’t respond because I didn’t believe it was happening. I didn’t want Finnegan, I didn’t want anyone but you. Fuck, Harry, you were it for me and there you were kissing me. Knowing your friends, I thought it was a joke or a dare for sure. I didn’t know you meant it so I didn’t respond.” Draco's husky voice had heat pooling in Harry's groin as they both spilled fears. It soothed the nerves that kept threatening to surface.

When Draco sat up so that he was leaning on his elbows, Harry dropped to his knees and engulfed Draco’s cock in his mouth. Draco hissed as he struggled to continue talking.

“I knew it wasn’t a joke or a dare when you pulled back and I saw your face. That crushed expression couldn’t be feigned and I couldn’t help but grab you and snog you.” Draco’s voice was breathy as he threaded his fingers through Harry’s hair and tugged him away from his prick.

“Just like now, I can’t resist you. I can’t help but snog you.” Harry found himself pulled forward until he was lying on top of Draco and they were kissing once more.

This time, hands were no longer hesitant as the kiss became more and more frantic. Instead, they were rougher and much needier. Draco grasped Harry’s arse once more and pulled him in close.

“I want you in me, Harry.” Draco’s yearning tone breathed wantonly into Harry’s ear.

Harry froze after he absorbed the words. He didn’t want that, couldn’t want that, had never thought of that.

“Harry?” Draco questioned, but Harry stayed frozen as he contemplated the absolute reversal of the roles they’d been playing since they’d been together. Soothing hands rubbed his back as Harry struggled to breathe.

“Harry? It’s all right if you’re not ready for that.” Harry wouldn’t, couldn’t look at Draco as he continued to rub circles against his skin. “I love you, Harry. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

Harry rolled off of Draco. Flinging a hand over his face, Harry felt mortified and scared; mortified because he was scared and scared because he was mortified. It was all far too much.

“Harry, will you please look at me?” Draco tugged at his arm but Harry refused to budge.

“For fuck’s sake, Harry, look at me.” So conditioned to responding to that demanding tone, Harry dropped his arm and looked at Draco as he proceeded, “I wanted you so badly when you kissed me. I thought that all my dreams had come true when you kissed me again.”

Draco bent to suck at a nipple. Harry’s breath hissed out as Draco sucked and licked.

“I knew…” Draco placed a kiss on Harry’s sternum, “I knew that you were the one for me. I always knew you were the one for me.” Draco kissed Harry’s stomach.

“I knew that we could work through anything if you would just see things my way.” Sliding down, Draco licked the length of Harry’s prick.

“I knew that I had to make you see me as human, not as a Malfoy.” Draco licked Harry’s slit and he shuddered as his cock began to regain the hardness from before.

“I hoped, every time I saw you looking at me, that you would respond to me.” Hollowing his cheeks, Draco sucked in Harry’s cock as deeply as he could tolerate. The remaining length found itself in his firm grasp.

A moan slipped past Harry’s lips as Draco sucked and licked. In response to a slight rasp of teeth on his sensitive skin, Harry felt his balls tighten. Draco must have felt it as well because he abruptly stopped and slid back up Harry’s body until they were aligned.

“I want your weight on me when we come, Harry. Can you do that for me?”

In response, Harry rolled them until he lay on top of Draco. Shaking hands, sweaty with nervousness, reached down and grabbed both pricks. Together they moved until, one after another, both men came.

Unable to relax in their current positions, Harry quickly rolled off Draco and faced the headboard. He waited for the sound of Draco's footsteps walking across the floor and the door opening. When they didn’t come, Harry braced himself, spine noticeably stiffening as Draco stroked it. This was new and scary. They'd never been one to touch afterwards. Even in their earliest days of dating, they'd not had the luxury of touching and embracing afterwards.

Harry’s shoulders tensed when he felt Draco’s sweaty chest fit against the curve of his back. This embracing was foreign and Harry didn’t know how to react. Hands soothed and stroked him until Harry relaxed under their tender assault.

“Thank you.” So quiet were the words that Harry wasn’t sure if he should respond or not.

“I love you.” The words echoed the gestures, soft and steady, soothing.

“I know.” Harry answered Draco’s unvoiced question.

“Can we cuddle properly?” The words tickled Harry’s ear and he nodded.

They shifted and moved, staying chest to back, until their heads were on the pillows and their feet pointed towards the footboard. With gentle circles being rubbed on his chest, Harry fell asleep in Draco’s arms for the first time.

~~**~~

Arms flailing, Harry tried to extricate himself from whoever held him.

“What the hell?” The words were puzzled and pissed but the voice was familiar and Harry abruptly stopped moving.

“Sorry, Draco. I’m not used to having anyone here with me when I wake up.”

“You’ll get used to it, Harry.” There was a question in there and Harry picked up on it.

“Yes, I will.”

So, what did you think? As always, concrit welcomed with open arms.

(For those of you that are curious, part 5 of Voice in the Dark will be posted on Tuesday. Thanks for bearing with me.)