Whisper in the Dark - Draco-centric Gen Fic (Rating: G)

[wook77]

My other response to the HP Random Facts Challenge over at julia_linnea's lj.

My first response is Discovery (Harry POV).

Here is my second response.


Title: Whisper in the Dark
Character: Draco Malfoy
Rating: G
Prompt: for furiosity - 20 Random Things about Draco Malfoy. Prompt 20 - Draco has decided to defect from the Dark Lord's side. What he doesn't know is that his decision -- spoken out loud to himself in the tiny, cramped room at Spinner's End -- was overheard by a small rat with a silver paw.
A/N: Thanks to yodels66 and luciology for the beta and brit-pick. Any errors remaining are ALL my fault.

As always, concrit and commentary is welcomed with open arms!



Draco hated it here. It smelled like moth balls and old people. There was dust everywhere and the room he was currently squeezed into was tinier than his smallest closet at Malfoy Manor. Feeling alone and abandoned, Draco sat on the lumpy mattress and hugged his knees to his chest as he rocked back and forth.

A snort of laughter broke the air as Draco bit back tears that he refused to acknowledge. Here he sat, the heir apparent to one of the largest fortunes in the Wizarding World, huddled on a mattress he wouldn’t give a House Elf. His father and mother would not be amused.

Another snort of laughter burst out of his mouth as he realized that serving the Dark Lord was not what he’d imagined. Instead of the honor and adoration he expected, he was marked like a slave. Even now, Draco could feel the mark slither and drift under his skin and, to be honest, it freaked him out.

If both bursts of laughter sounded more like broken sobs than mirth, Draco couldn’t and wouldn't acknowledge the idea. Crying was unbecoming of a Malfoy, Draco could hear his father’s voice recite the mantra. They just had to be laughter.

Visions of having to kill and slaughter raced through his mind. At the thought, his wand hand trembled. He wouldn't be able to, not with fresh memories of Dumbledore, sliding down the wall, falling over the edge, the frantic rush to leave Hogwarts behind and Snape leaving him here alone rushing through his head.

Reliving those moments, the rush of triumph fading into disbelief, Draco remembered Dumbledore’s promise of aid. He didn’t want to serve any longer. He desperately craved the help. Perhaps someone from the Order would accept him, give him the assistance that Dumbledore promised. He was going to die if he stayed; the Dark Lord was going to be horribly displeased with his failure.

Unaware in his indecision, he didn’t hear his voice echo around the room. As he rocked back and forth, he didn't see the slide of shadow across the wall as a rat with a silver paw scurried away. He didn’t see the man that took its place and he certainly didn’t hear the man mumble, “The Dark Lord will not be pleased.”

Comments

[malikamoonbeam.livejournal.com]

Oh no! How terrible! Harry, go and save your Draco. ;-)

That was really well written, and it captured Draco's emotions very well. I could feel his pain. The ending was fantasticly horrific, as well. ♥

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it. This fic was beta'd by some wonderful people so the credit goes to them for the quality *winks*.

The original posting by furiosity is superbly written so it was fun and a challenge to write a story based on her work.

I'm glad you enjoyed!

[malikamoonbeam.livejournal.com]

If I didn't have my betas, I swear my stories would be really difficult to read. That's what they're there for, dear! *winks back*

Yes, I read the post by furiosity, and that was truly ecstatic. Your story, I feel, has represented it quite well.

[kabal42.livejournal.com]

This was very good! It hurt to read, but I broke my "no-reading" policy to read it, so be honoured ;-)
This sentence has been haunting me ever since I first read that 20 things, and you truly captured it.
Now, please save the poor boy! *begs*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

That prompt stuck in my head and hurt my heart. It was extremely well-written.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Happiness abounds on the breaking the "no-reading policy" for me. ♥ to you! (I'll think about saving him *winks*)

[kabal42.livejournal.com]

*nod* Did the same thing to me.

♥ :-) Hope you do, then.

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

Aw, poor Draco. I liked this! Draco's reasoning here very much mirrors what I was thinking about the situation. :> Thanks for linking me to this, I enjoyed it.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I'm extremely relieved that you liked it. I hate when people grab other people's stuff so I didn't want to do that.

I'm glad I mirrored your thinking! The prompt was just so beautiful...

Thanks for reading and letting me know you enjoyed it!

[lusiology.livejournal.com]

Although this was for a specific prompt, it would be great if you would continue it at some point in the future. :)

I think that Snape would've made an arrangement with Draco to Apparate to Spinners End after he attempts to carry out the mission Voldemort gave him because of the Unbreakable Vow.

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of blending the two POV's into one story. Not sure if that's how I want to go with it, however.

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

Stupid rat! *lends Draco her rat-slaying mutant freak*

[wook77.livejournal.com]

lmao, yeah, dumb rat. We'll have to see what he does with that knowledge.

[why-me-why-not.livejournal.com]

Fantastic *g*

You're gonna write more, right?

[wook77.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of blending both POV's into one story and having it come together but I'll have to flesh the idea out some more before I do that.

[why-me-why-not.livejournal.com]

ohhh, yeah! I'll look forward to it! (but I'm the worst ever for finishing things once I start them -- part of my bipolarness, I believe, so I won't rush you. I'll wait patiently. *g*)

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

What a vivid entry---thank you for participating! :)

[wook77.livejournal.com]

:) I'm glad you enjoyed!

[original-lie.livejournal.com]

:( *huggles Draco* Poor thing. So beautifully written, really. It's amazing how much I wanted to rip that little silver pawed rat apart when he surfaced at the end. lol, could just be a reflex to the thought of something bad happening to Draco. Anyway, totally loved it. You rock! ♥

[lexie-sinistra.livejournal.com]

I'm hooked. I very much want to read more. You captured to me, what I think Draco is feeling after seeing Dumbledore killed.