wook77 | (no subject)

I've been staring at this update journal screen for about an hour and the rant/introspection/everything that I had thought of while at the gym just doesn't fit anymore.

It happened, people keep trying to spin it to benefit themselves and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. I've not turned on the television today because I don't want to see that image that's already burned into my head over and over and over. I'm just ignoring what the date is.

Instead of ranting or anything about today, I'm going to post semi-good news. I've lost another pound. Ever since I stopped denying myself ice cream, I've been losing weight. Go figure. Also - my arms are exhausted but not in pain. That's a nice feeling.

What's not a nice feeling? I needed a spot for this shoulder-pressing thingy and what weight did I have it at? 10 frikken pounds. I'm such a weakling.

I saw muscle in my forearm and biceps today. That made me happy. I actually grinned at it and flexed to see it again. Yeah, I'm a dork.

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That's brilliant! More power to you, darling. This is a bit random but I'm listening to 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' by Joy Division and feel very melancholy. Does that happen to you?

It doesn't happen all that often, actually. I love music and use it to reinforce my mood but it doesn't normally make me feel something that wasn't already apparent... if that makes sense.

But thanks! YEah, I was all dumb at the gym with my muscle.

Isn't that the best feeling? Seeing actual muscle in your arms, legs, or even tummy! Good for you!!

I think I know what you mean on the burned in images. Don't need to see that 24/7 any day. It's enough to still feel the loss.

I'd be feeling loads better if I saw muscle in my tummy ;)

But, a coworker of mine asked me if I'd lost any weight today, actually and I was all, yep :)

Yes, quite. When I saw Farenheit 911, the beginning was so much more powerful to me because I didn't need to see those images, I could see it myself already so the darkness was just that much more powerful.