wook77 | (no subject)

When I saw the sign-ups for

14valentines, I knew that I would pick to post on the day of Domestic Violence.

I am a victim of domestic violence. My father is and was an abusive alcoholic. It's taken years to work through most of the issues that go along with that and, more importantly, I'm still working through them.

But today's post is about more than me or even the victims that I know personally. Today is to raise awareness that anyone and anything can be a victim of domestic violence.

I've written a short story regarding one woman that was involved with a program at my work called Safe Haven. The program shelters animal victims of domestic violence while their humans seek out shelters and safe havens of their own. The first victim of domestic violence is, all too often, the family pet. By the time the cruelty is perfected on the animal, it is all too easy to turn that cruelty onto a person. Domestic violence shelters normally do not take animals, thus leaving the victim with the choice of leaving their pet alone with their abuser or staying with the abuser to protect their animal.

The first time he hits her, she is shocked and appalled. Her hand flies up to her cheek, cupping the throbbing flesh, as he sputters what he thinks is an apology. "It just happened" and "I didn't mean it" and "you shouldn't have said it" all pass his lips. She thinks, perhaps, maybe, he's right, he wouldn't mean it. He loves her and she had been a bit aggressive in her opinion when they'd been arguing.

The next time he hits her, she flinches, just a little bit, before flesh connects with flesh. She thinks, he didn't do that, did he? Surely I imagined that but her cheek is throbbing and then he's grabbing her arm. His grip is too hard and is sure to bruise as he tugs her into the bedroom. He's screaming, the words all blurring together. She's so fixated on the blood pooling in her cheek and the tight grip on her upper arm that she doesn't understand what he's saying until he's right in her face, berating her for folding his shirt wrong. When she protests his treatment, he screams at her that if she'd just fold his shirts properly, he wouldn't have to yell at her.

The third time he hits her, it's almost expected. She'd burnt dinner for the second time that week and, though money wasn't tight, it was still money down the drain. It isn't like money grows on trees or so he yells at her as his fist is swinging into her face. She deserves it, doesn't she? She was distracted by a show on the television and she was always distracted by something. She hates to think what would happen if he wasn't there to keep her focused.

It's when he throws her dog that she realizes that this might not be the healthiest situation. Her dog is a good dog, sits when he's told, stays and loves to prance about on his back paws. He'd only been walking past on his way to his bed when the foot came flying. Her dog goes flying like a football punted in a last ditch effort for a win. When he hits the wall, he yelps and whines. It's obvious that his leg is broken but he won't let her take him to the vet and get him checked.

After he goes to work, she calls in sick to her own job and takes her dog to the veterinarian. The vet's eyes are sad as she checks over the animal and the flinch and excuses are automatic when the vet's gaze takes in the bruises on both of them. A card is slipped into a hand and the vet refuses her money, just asking for payment in the seeking of help and nothing more.

She looks at the card and then looks at her dog. A Safe Haven is what she needs for both of them. A Safe Haven would protect them both.

~Fin~

This program is not unique to the Tucson area. These programs are spreading worldwide. As at every non-profit, donations and volunteers are desperately needed. Personally, even more poignant than the union of a new adopter and their animal is the reunion of a domestic violence victim with their animal.

I urge you to look into local opportunities for rescue, foster and rehabilitation of all victims of domestic violence. Ask your local animal shelter, humane society or rescue if they have a Safe Haven established.

Domestic Violence. There is no excuse for any abuse.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Safe Haven's in Tucson?

Huh.

Thanks for sharing.

*putters off*

Actually, there's a similar program in most of the animal shelters around the United States. The Tucson shelters patterned their program on a program in Chicago.

Hmm, interesting. It's just I was reading your story and was surprised at the end when the location was mentioned. I rarely hear about Tucson these days.

:) No worries at all... I just didn't want you thinking we came up with the program on our own, is all. The Chicago program was quite brilliant and I wanted to give credit where credit was due.

Tucson isn't really in the news all that much, Phoenix gets most of that. And if we do make the news, it's for things like our recent snowfall (GGGRRRR *winks*).

That was powerful. I have to admit that I had never thought of pets as the first victims of domestic violence, but it does make sense. I'm glad she found a way to realise what was going on, even if the dog ended with a broken leg.

We have quite a few of those stories. The vets here in Tucson do a great job on encouraging the victims to get help and reporting the animal abuse.

There's one case where a man poured over a quart of boiling water over the back of a Jack Russell Terrier because it peed in the house. Turns out that the guy had been beating his wife for years as well. The final straw for her to leave was the abuse of the dog.

It just stinks that the animals and people have to suffer at all.

That was powerful. Thank you for sharing that. *hugs*

My stepdad was always abusive but, ironically, he loved the dog to pieces. I guess it was reversed wiht him. I'm glad he was out of my life because he could move on to my puppy.

Toronto definitely has such a program. A couple of years back they've discovered that almost all serial killer start on animals, so animal abuse is taken seriously, because it leads to worse things.

You're quite welcome. I'm just glad that I can help spread awareness that the victims aren't always just one member of the household.

That is fairly interesting. My dad hated our dogs, though he never did more than yell at them. He would threaten them, though, all the time.

That's brilliant about Toronto having that program! I think that Jeffrey Dahmer really exposed the tie between animal abuse, mental illness and the possibility of becoming a serial killer.

We also have a program here in Tucson that helps child victims of domestic violence rehabilitate through animals. It helps curb the possibilities of them become abusers themselves by showing that aggression isn't the answer.

Basically, there are some fantastic programs out there.

::in tears::

Thank you for writing this. I am one of those lucky people who has not experienced domestic violence. I hardly ever let myself focus on this issue, because if I did, I would be in constant rage that I consider myself 'lucky', that domestic violence is so widespread that I can consider myself 'lucky'.

Off to look out programmes like this in the UK and give them my support.

:( for tears.

Domestic violence is so insidious and the definitions are so vague as well, depending on your area and your interpretation of the words/actions.

There are some fantabulous programs out there so I'm excited that you're looking! YAYES! To help, btw,

darkhavens posted about a few domestic violence programs in the UK on the

14valentines group.

♥