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Resolution Reviews
I have quite a few resolution reviews to get caught up on (18 of them). I'm officially at 57 out of my 100 – 31 books and 26 movies.
Same disclaimers apply – if you've not read these books/seen these movies, there will be spoilers. Random squee, higher ratings for inconsequential crap, random babbling, all of it will probably be here in these reviews.
Undead and Unwed (Mary Janice Davidson)
This series starts out with the main character, Betsy, losing her job and then getting hit by a Pontiac Aztek (god, I hate those cars and it's obvious that the author hates them as well). Turns out that Betsy is actually Queen Betsy, queen of the vampires. She uses the phrases, "bite me" and "do I need to pull out the hand puppets" and OMG, I didn't stop laughing the entire time.
It's a bit of a romance novel but it's really funny and worth it. The relationship is a bit unbelievable but the book's funny enough that you just don't care that all of a sudden, Sinclair is totally in love with Betsy. I have to admit, as the series was recommended by myex older sister, I didn't have high hopes for it. Honestly, she was reading a book called "Red Hot Spicy Cajun" with an almost nekkid guy on the cover so her taste is, err, polite word… questionable.
It's a good start to a series, especially when Betsy laughs at the evil bad dude as he tosses holy water on her. I also have to laugh at the relationship Betsy has with her stepmonster/mother. Betsy actually goes up to her family and lets them know that she's not dead. Her stepmonster steals her shoes. (Did I mention that Betsy can be bribed with namebrand shoes? She can.)
8 out of 10
Undead and Unemployed (Mary Janice Davidson)
This is a great follow up book. More sarcastic wit, more humor and more laughter. Queen Betsy starts working in the Macy's shoe department. The best part of the book is when she gets chastised for discouraging someone from buying a pair of shoes as the purchaser wouldn't take care of them properly. Betsy treats her shoes like they're her babies. It's brilliant.
The relationship keeps moving along with Sinclair who became king of the vampires after he seduced Betsy into having sex with him at the end of the first book. I didn't stop laughing throughout this book, either. Again, the relationship is fairly unbelievable that Sinclair would put up with Betsy's shit but it's a romance novel so I was willing to suspend disbelief.
It's not quite as funny as the first one but it's still entertaining.
8 out of 10
Undead and Unappreciated (Mary Janice Davidson)
More of the same. The books are funny but the constant "I'm the queen, dammit" is starting to get annoying. Betsy starts to read like an immature spoilt pwessus pwincess. It's still funny enough and, hey, anything's better than Laurell K. Hamilton anymore. Betsy still can't get people to take her serious and she's pouty about it instead of doing something to prove that she can be taken seriously.
Any time there's a problem, she lets it sit there until either Sinclair takes care of it or it basically resolves itself. It's still funny but the jokes are starting to get a bit tiring.
7 out of 10
Undead and Unreturnable (Mary Janice Davidson)
Blahblahblah, Betsy's still a spoilt bitch who wants a wedding cause she won't believe that she's married until she has it. Sinclair doesn't want it. Betsy wants a baby, can't have one cause she's, err duh?, dead.
I'm starting to see why my sister likes these books. Stereotypical smut scenes, static characterizations and a still unbelievable relationship. It's still mostly funny, especially with the addition of Betsy's sister. I just wish that Betsy would start growing up just a bit.
6 out of 10
Dead and Loving it (Mary Janice Davidson)
I got this book from the library just to hear about George, the fiend, from the Undead and… books. It's a collection of werewolf stories and the relationships are extremely unbelievable in this. First one, random guy tackleglomps a girl, she falls over into love with him and agrees to move to Scotland. All in less than a week.
Second story has the werewolf girl get kidnapped and borderline raped by a vampire and, hey, it's alright cause he did oral on her! Score! Tedious and COMPLETELY unbelievable and, honestly, patronizing.
Third story has some blind werewolf falling for some human chick that's actually a fairy except she can't fly cause she has all these piercings and stuffs and blends into the monotony of suck.
Fourth story is George the fiend who is, surprisingly enough, a minor character in his own relationship story. Oh and there's a werewolf who can't change into a wolf and, instead, can see the future for anyone but her except for this one time (in bandcamp) and what a surprise, it drives her to George, now Garrett, the fiend.
All four stories weren't all that interesting and/or funny. Not even funny moments, really. I highly doubt that every werewolf or vampire or even fiend, says the handpuppet line all the time.
5 out of 10
Undead and Unpopular (Mary Janice Davidson)
Yes, more of this series. Why I keep trying it, I have no idea except that it was really funny and now it's kindasorta funny and I'd already put them on my library request page because I liked the first one.
It's not a bad book. It's just a fluff, hey I can read this in about 2 hours, book. It was silly and had me laughing at the attempted plot but at least it isn't all about the smut. In fact, this one didn't have much smut in it at all. Instead, there was a zombie in the attic, a sarcastic ghost and the BFF having bone cancer. I actually kindasorta liked the smarmy Spaniard vampire that kept hitting on anyone and everyone. When he ended up dead, I wasn't shocked but I was a bit torn on it.
Predictable but far less painful than the werewolf series and it looks like Betsy might just be growing up a bit.
6 out of 10
Derik's Bane (Mary Janice Davidson)
Why, yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I had to try the werewolf series and I jumped in by reading the last book of it. Derik is sent to save the world from the reincarnated Morgan Le Fay (who lives on Fairy Lane). They decide to take a roadtrip where they absolutely MUST have sex to stay in a safehouse.
It had quite a few funny lines that made up for the sucky sex scenes (fandom, doing smut better since 199something) and I had to laugh at how the chick defeats the world swallowing demon. She kicks it in the ankle. That's right, that's it, a kick to the ankle. It was funny but I wouldn't read it again.
4 out of 10
Ghost Hunter (Jayne Castle)
It's a romance novel… a supernatural romance novel where there's these energy swirls called "ghosts" and the ghost hunters tangle with these "ghosts" and then, after they're done, they melt amber and have hot sex in the front seats of sexy sports cars.
Obviously I wasn't expecting much out of the book with that sort of history behind it. I didn't get any more than the low expectations but on this one, I knew it was a romance novel going in so I wasn't disappointed by the lack of intricate plot.
That being said, there was, at least, some plot. In fact, considering the genre, there was a lot of plot. The girl breaks off her engagement to the dude and then moves to the big city where she befriends a ton of people. One guy on her block turns out to be a drug dealer who gets taken in by the ex-boyfriend (not fiancé) of the girl (she didn't know he was in town at the time) and, of course, the dude comes to her rescue. It's all very cliché but, for all of that, I do love Jayne Ann Krentz/Jayne Castle/Amanda Quick.
7 out of 10
Kirith Kirin (Jim Grimsley)
This book is absolutely brilliant. I cannot rave enough about it. I started reading this sucker at about 6 pm and didn't stop until 3(ish) am and only then because I fell asleep for about 15 minutes. Went to bed at 3:30am and then woke back up at 7:45 to keep going.
It's a very long book with very tiny print. It also happens to be out of print so I'd look for it at the library. It's the writer's first foray into fantasy and he's such a brilliant world builder. The world is meaty and wonderfully described. He gives small details that flesh out the world and there was only one or two parts where I started to think that, perhaps, he was giving too much detail.
Basically (and my summary is going to suck donkey balls), it's the story of a young farmboy (not Luke Skywalker or Frodo Baggins or any of those other farmboys that came before) who finds out that he can be a great magician and help to rescue the world from the Queen who won't give up her throne and her evil magician. The boy, Jessex, slowly starts falling in love with the King (Kirith Kirin). There's struggle there as they both try to resist one another and it's not overwhelmingly written but you can feel the UST and the confusion and the want. It's gorgeous.
Add to it that Jessex's family is killed except for his mum and she's taken captive and (SPOILER) made into the tower stone that keeps the covenant between the king and queen and OMG, so much emotion in this book. You really get to know every one of the major characters and see the full development of the boy.
The book could benefit from a good editor. There were SPAG errors – dropped words, missing commas, misused titles and poor sentence construction, but, this book's plot and characters were so brilliant that I just didn't care. I was a bit squicked by the relationship between a 15 year old and a thousand year old but Jessex goes through so much that, emotionally, he's much much older than a 15 year old so it bothered me less and less as the book went on.
There are two more books set in the world but I don't think I will read them. The relationship between Jessex and Kirith Kirin is so well done that I don't want to ruin the feeling I was left with by reading about Jessex with some woman in book 2 (Kirith Kirin eventually is called to the otherside, leaving Jessex alone). I was left bereft when I realized that they were eventually separated and Jessex was left alone to watch the world split asunder in the future.
If you read this book (and what are you waiting for????), read the "afterword" by the "translator". That finishes out the history of these two and it provides the perfect ending.
If anyone does go out and reads book 2 or 3, let me know if Kirith Kirin is in them?
9.99999999999 out of 10
And now? On to the movies.
Eragon
I'm sure that if I watched this with anyone else, this movie would have a MUCH lower rating. However, I didn't stop laughing at it the entire time. I watched this with my little sister and mother and we didn't stop quoting other movies (help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!) and pointing out the different movies/pop culture references throughout.
We actually created a bit of a drinking game and ended up getting sick from drinking too much pop during the movie. It's a combination of Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and The Never Ending Story. It's also poorly acted with horrible dialogue, over-the-top bad guys (john malkovich FTW!!!), and more cliches than you can possibly shake a stick at. I loved it for the experience and I was so entertained by it that I had to rate it really really high. Add in that it had Garrett Hedlund with the worst dye job EVAH and, well, the spork factor was so high that there was no way of resisting this dreck.
I'm really looking forward to part 2. I'll have to check the books out of the library too.
9 out of 10
Happy Feet
This movie was so painful. I have no idea how people could like this. No, you don't need to explain all the morals and symbolism and blahblahblah in it. I get it. I was bashed over the head with it. I still found it annoying tripe that made me wonder about balancing my checkbook (an activity I haven't done in about, well, forever).
This movie was painfully boring. I felt no empathy/sympathy for the tapdancing penguin. I didn't laugh at the penguin sidekicks. I just didn't care. At all. About anyone in this entire thing. Just painful horrible boring mindless tedious dreck.
2 out of 10
10th & Wolf
This movie wasn't quite what I was expecting. I rented it as it looked like it'd be one huge series of explosions and car chases. Instead, it was a fairly serious movie based around/near/on the Donnie Brasco story. I really really likedCyclops James Marsden in it. I'm also fairly well in love with Giovanni Ribisi. It's a strong storyline that keeps you guessing with all the doublecrossing and machinations. I didn't find it overly predictable.
To me, I find Robert Moresco's work to be fairly formulaic. This, however, wasn't. That it was done by the same guy that did The Black Donnellys made me happy as well.
I actually teared up when Brad Renfro's character (Vincent) was kidnapped and then killed. His line to let James Marsden/Tommy know that he was about to die… oh god, it was horribly sad and poignant and not over the top at all. The bad guys are just that, bad. They're not over the top villains. Instead, they are just unrepentant assholes.
This movie is WAY better than Donnie Brasco was (sorry, Johnny Depp). It's a very well put together movie.
8 out of 10
Blood Diamond
Blood Diamond wasn't at all what I was expecting. Considering that I kept hearing comparisons to The Island of Naked Sluts And We Go Swimming, or whatever the fuck that stupid movie's real title was, I wasn't expecting all that much.
I love Leo as eye candy. He's rugged and he's got that chiseled chin that makes me stare and think about licking it. However, I also loved Leo in What's Eating Gilbert Grape and proceeded to hate almost everything else he made until The Departed. Thus, I have a love/hate relationship with him.
I was extremely impressed that Leo kept that accent throughout the movie. It's a tough accent but he did it and so much love for it (even if the constant "yeah"'s drove me up a wall). He wasn't a sympathetic character. I didn't like him in the least but he was better than the other bad guys so it's a lesser of two evils thing.
All the same, when he sacrificed himself at the end, I wanted him to walk into that room at the end, during the speech with the politicians. I wanted him to be all ZOMG HERE I AM but if he had, I would've hated the movie for being clichéd and stupid. Basically, the movie couldn't win for me on an ending. And I like that. I like that I wouldn't have liked any ending because I was so attached. I didn't want his story to become a cliché but I didn't want him to die either and I love that mixed up feeling I got at the end. Had it had any other ending, I would've written it off to being clichéd.
Leo was still better in the Departed. Even if he died in that too.
8 out of 10
Curse of the Golden Flower
This movie was, um, interesting? If by interesting, I mean boring, over-the-top, without any likeable characters, an overly complicated storyline that goes absolutely nowhere as it's too busy winding back in on itself, and visually stunning.
Like quite a few of Asian martial arts movies I've seen (Hero, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Fearless), this movie is visually stunning. Brilliant colors, intricate martial arts, gorgeous clothes, and amazing sets. However, this movie does not have a single likeable character in it. Not one that you can even think, well, he's better than the rest. You hate them all and want them to all die. Every character is actually a caricature of itself.
The only interesting bits were the incestuous relationships. If you're looking for eye candy, this is a good movie. Otherwise, it's an interesting watch.
5 out of 10
Flushed Away
This can be summed up by "funny cartoon". It was fun to watch for a mindless sort of movie that didn't make you think, which is what I was looking for when I rented it. It doesn't really do anything to make it stand out from any other cartoon but it's alright. Just like every other cartoon, it's filled with clichés and self-adoration backslapping for teaching a good old fashioned message to the children of today, blahblahblah.
I liked it. I wouldn't buy it.
7 out of 10
Night at the Museum
This was cute and funny. I enjoyed Ben Stiller's character and the way he finally got his act together. Ricky Gervais had me giggling as the museum curator but, having worked at a museum, I gotta say that him doing the hiring/firing of guards was a bit unbelievable. That's what the HR department's for. Actually, in my 10 years of working at the Harrisburg State Museum (nowhere near as big and/or cool as this museum), I met the curator once and that was at a function where I was giving a speech. So, yeah, suspend the disbelief.
The love interest was cute and that whole relationship was cute. (Notice the constant use of cute?) The monkey, the t-rex, the dioramas, the lions, the Easter Island head, all of it was cute.
Best part of the movie was the slash possibilities between Jedidiah and Octavius. They're just so w00bie together that I want to read some slash about these two. Come on – old west guy and a roman soldier? Can it get any more Romeo and Juliet? I think not.
9 out of 10
Stranger than Fiction
This is the first Will Farrell movie I have ever liked. I absolutely adore Queen Latifah, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Emma Thompson so I decided to make myself sit through this to see if it was any good.
It was totally worth having to put up with Will Farrell. Actually, Will Farrell wasn't even that bad in it. I found myself cheering for him and the tiny details through the movie made it for me. The way that the script writer tied in the watch throughout, the way that the watch saved his life, the way that Emma Thompson was so crazy but brilliant, the gift of the flour and the cookies, all of it tied in to make one large beautiful story.
It's shocking but I'm tempted to actually purchase something with Will Farrell in it. I feel dirty and need a shower now that I've said that.
9 out of 10
The Holiday
I had to see this just due to the cast. It's got Kate Winslet (love), Jude Law (love), Cameron Diaz (meh) and Jack Black (double meh). I adored Kate Winslet's character, Irish. She was just so nice and lovely and I hated that Rufus Sewell's character was such a dick to her. I thought she was brilliant and, surprisingly enough, Jack Black was very believable as a love interest for her. He was even stereotypical Jack Black in it and I still thought him believable in it.
I didn't like Cameron Diaz's character – thought she was an insufferable spoilt bitch and I had no clue how Jude Law's character could deal with her. However, it ended cute for them so I appreciated it.
This is such a chick flick, though. It really is. It's got a stereotypical chickflick ending and in-jokes and some man bashing. But, it's entertaining while it does it. I actually really liked this.
9 out of 10
The Pursuit of Happyness
My first impression of this was that I found it a bit suspicious that Will Smith's kid got the main role when Will was starring in this. So, I was prepared to be quite critical of his acting. That being said, that little boy blew me away. He does such a great job, they both do, actually.
I loved and adored this. The struggles that Chris Gardner went through and didn't ever give up… wow. I really found myself cheering for him and flinching for him and tearing up. When they're sleeping in the subway men's room? OMG, so teared up there. Then, when he enters that interview and he's wearing his painter's clothes and the dudes are all condescending… that fake handshake, especially? OMG, I felt AWFUL for him. That he believed in himself enough to go through with the interview, I don't know if I could've done it.
The movie is brilliantly inspiring without being over the top and clichéd. (yes, those two are the phrases for these reviews) It's just a brilliant story and I recommend that if you watch it, watch the special features. That dude who solves the Rubik's Cube blindfolded? Holy Mother of God. I can't even solve it with both my eyes and directions. Only complaint is that I would've liked to hear from Chris's son on his remembrance of those years in the special features.
9 out of 10
Same disclaimers apply – if you've not read these books/seen these movies, there will be spoilers. Random squee, higher ratings for inconsequential crap, random babbling, all of it will probably be here in these reviews.
Undead and Unwed (Mary Janice Davidson)
This series starts out with the main character, Betsy, losing her job and then getting hit by a Pontiac Aztek (god, I hate those cars and it's obvious that the author hates them as well). Turns out that Betsy is actually Queen Betsy, queen of the vampires. She uses the phrases, "bite me" and "do I need to pull out the hand puppets" and OMG, I didn't stop laughing the entire time.
It's a bit of a romance novel but it's really funny and worth it. The relationship is a bit unbelievable but the book's funny enough that you just don't care that all of a sudden, Sinclair is totally in love with Betsy. I have to admit, as the series was recommended by my
It's a good start to a series, especially when Betsy laughs at the evil bad dude as he tosses holy water on her. I also have to laugh at the relationship Betsy has with her stepmonster/mother. Betsy actually goes up to her family and lets them know that she's not dead. Her stepmonster steals her shoes. (Did I mention that Betsy can be bribed with namebrand shoes? She can.)
8 out of 10
Undead and Unemployed (Mary Janice Davidson)
This is a great follow up book. More sarcastic wit, more humor and more laughter. Queen Betsy starts working in the Macy's shoe department. The best part of the book is when she gets chastised for discouraging someone from buying a pair of shoes as the purchaser wouldn't take care of them properly. Betsy treats her shoes like they're her babies. It's brilliant.
The relationship keeps moving along with Sinclair who became king of the vampires after he seduced Betsy into having sex with him at the end of the first book. I didn't stop laughing throughout this book, either. Again, the relationship is fairly unbelievable that Sinclair would put up with Betsy's shit but it's a romance novel so I was willing to suspend disbelief.
It's not quite as funny as the first one but it's still entertaining.
8 out of 10
Undead and Unappreciated (Mary Janice Davidson)
More of the same. The books are funny but the constant "I'm the queen, dammit" is starting to get annoying. Betsy starts to read like an immature spoilt pwessus pwincess. It's still funny enough and, hey, anything's better than Laurell K. Hamilton anymore. Betsy still can't get people to take her serious and she's pouty about it instead of doing something to prove that she can be taken seriously.
Any time there's a problem, she lets it sit there until either Sinclair takes care of it or it basically resolves itself. It's still funny but the jokes are starting to get a bit tiring.
7 out of 10
Undead and Unreturnable (Mary Janice Davidson)
Blahblahblah, Betsy's still a spoilt bitch who wants a wedding cause she won't believe that she's married until she has it. Sinclair doesn't want it. Betsy wants a baby, can't have one cause she's, err duh?, dead.
I'm starting to see why my sister likes these books. Stereotypical smut scenes, static characterizations and a still unbelievable relationship. It's still mostly funny, especially with the addition of Betsy's sister. I just wish that Betsy would start growing up just a bit.
6 out of 10
Dead and Loving it (Mary Janice Davidson)
I got this book from the library just to hear about George, the fiend, from the Undead and… books. It's a collection of werewolf stories and the relationships are extremely unbelievable in this. First one, random guy tackleglomps a girl, she falls over into love with him and agrees to move to Scotland. All in less than a week.
Second story has the werewolf girl get kidnapped and borderline raped by a vampire and, hey, it's alright cause he did oral on her! Score! Tedious and COMPLETELY unbelievable and, honestly, patronizing.
Third story has some blind werewolf falling for some human chick that's actually a fairy except she can't fly cause she has all these piercings and stuffs and blends into the monotony of suck.
Fourth story is George the fiend who is, surprisingly enough, a minor character in his own relationship story. Oh and there's a werewolf who can't change into a wolf and, instead, can see the future for anyone but her except for this one time (in bandcamp) and what a surprise, it drives her to George, now Garrett, the fiend.
All four stories weren't all that interesting and/or funny. Not even funny moments, really. I highly doubt that every werewolf or vampire or even fiend, says the handpuppet line all the time.
5 out of 10
Undead and Unpopular (Mary Janice Davidson)
Yes, more of this series. Why I keep trying it, I have no idea except that it was really funny and now it's kindasorta funny and I'd already put them on my library request page because I liked the first one.
It's not a bad book. It's just a fluff, hey I can read this in about 2 hours, book. It was silly and had me laughing at the attempted plot but at least it isn't all about the smut. In fact, this one didn't have much smut in it at all. Instead, there was a zombie in the attic, a sarcastic ghost and the BFF having bone cancer. I actually kindasorta liked the smarmy Spaniard vampire that kept hitting on anyone and everyone. When he ended up dead, I wasn't shocked but I was a bit torn on it.
Predictable but far less painful than the werewolf series and it looks like Betsy might just be growing up a bit.
6 out of 10
Derik's Bane (Mary Janice Davidson)
Why, yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I had to try the werewolf series and I jumped in by reading the last book of it. Derik is sent to save the world from the reincarnated Morgan Le Fay (who lives on Fairy Lane). They decide to take a roadtrip where they absolutely MUST have sex to stay in a safehouse.
It had quite a few funny lines that made up for the sucky sex scenes (fandom, doing smut better since 199something) and I had to laugh at how the chick defeats the world swallowing demon. She kicks it in the ankle. That's right, that's it, a kick to the ankle. It was funny but I wouldn't read it again.
4 out of 10
Ghost Hunter (Jayne Castle)
It's a romance novel… a supernatural romance novel where there's these energy swirls called "ghosts" and the ghost hunters tangle with these "ghosts" and then, after they're done, they melt amber and have hot sex in the front seats of sexy sports cars.
Obviously I wasn't expecting much out of the book with that sort of history behind it. I didn't get any more than the low expectations but on this one, I knew it was a romance novel going in so I wasn't disappointed by the lack of intricate plot.
That being said, there was, at least, some plot. In fact, considering the genre, there was a lot of plot. The girl breaks off her engagement to the dude and then moves to the big city where she befriends a ton of people. One guy on her block turns out to be a drug dealer who gets taken in by the ex-boyfriend (not fiancé) of the girl (she didn't know he was in town at the time) and, of course, the dude comes to her rescue. It's all very cliché but, for all of that, I do love Jayne Ann Krentz/Jayne Castle/Amanda Quick.
7 out of 10
Kirith Kirin (Jim Grimsley)
This book is absolutely brilliant. I cannot rave enough about it. I started reading this sucker at about 6 pm and didn't stop until 3(ish) am and only then because I fell asleep for about 15 minutes. Went to bed at 3:30am and then woke back up at 7:45 to keep going.
It's a very long book with very tiny print. It also happens to be out of print so I'd look for it at the library. It's the writer's first foray into fantasy and he's such a brilliant world builder. The world is meaty and wonderfully described. He gives small details that flesh out the world and there was only one or two parts where I started to think that, perhaps, he was giving too much detail.
Basically (and my summary is going to suck donkey balls), it's the story of a young farmboy (not Luke Skywalker or Frodo Baggins or any of those other farmboys that came before) who finds out that he can be a great magician and help to rescue the world from the Queen who won't give up her throne and her evil magician. The boy, Jessex, slowly starts falling in love with the King (Kirith Kirin). There's struggle there as they both try to resist one another and it's not overwhelmingly written but you can feel the UST and the confusion and the want. It's gorgeous.
Add to it that Jessex's family is killed except for his mum and she's taken captive and (SPOILER) made into the tower stone that keeps the covenant between the king and queen and OMG, so much emotion in this book. You really get to know every one of the major characters and see the full development of the boy.
The book could benefit from a good editor. There were SPAG errors – dropped words, missing commas, misused titles and poor sentence construction, but, this book's plot and characters were so brilliant that I just didn't care. I was a bit squicked by the relationship between a 15 year old and a thousand year old but Jessex goes through so much that, emotionally, he's much much older than a 15 year old so it bothered me less and less as the book went on.
There are two more books set in the world but I don't think I will read them. The relationship between Jessex and Kirith Kirin is so well done that I don't want to ruin the feeling I was left with by reading about Jessex with some woman in book 2 (Kirith Kirin eventually is called to the otherside, leaving Jessex alone). I was left bereft when I realized that they were eventually separated and Jessex was left alone to watch the world split asunder in the future.
If you read this book (and what are you waiting for????), read the "afterword" by the "translator". That finishes out the history of these two and it provides the perfect ending.
If anyone does go out and reads book 2 or 3, let me know if Kirith Kirin is in them?
9.99999999999 out of 10
And now? On to the movies.
Eragon
I'm sure that if I watched this with anyone else, this movie would have a MUCH lower rating. However, I didn't stop laughing at it the entire time. I watched this with my little sister and mother and we didn't stop quoting other movies (help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!) and pointing out the different movies/pop culture references throughout.
We actually created a bit of a drinking game and ended up getting sick from drinking too much pop during the movie. It's a combination of Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and The Never Ending Story. It's also poorly acted with horrible dialogue, over-the-top bad guys (john malkovich FTW!!!), and more cliches than you can possibly shake a stick at. I loved it for the experience and I was so entertained by it that I had to rate it really really high. Add in that it had Garrett Hedlund with the worst dye job EVAH and, well, the spork factor was so high that there was no way of resisting this dreck.
I'm really looking forward to part 2. I'll have to check the books out of the library too.
9 out of 10
Happy Feet
This movie was so painful. I have no idea how people could like this. No, you don't need to explain all the morals and symbolism and blahblahblah in it. I get it. I was bashed over the head with it. I still found it annoying tripe that made me wonder about balancing my checkbook (an activity I haven't done in about, well, forever).
This movie was painfully boring. I felt no empathy/sympathy for the tapdancing penguin. I didn't laugh at the penguin sidekicks. I just didn't care. At all. About anyone in this entire thing. Just painful horrible boring mindless tedious dreck.
2 out of 10
10th & Wolf
This movie wasn't quite what I was expecting. I rented it as it looked like it'd be one huge series of explosions and car chases. Instead, it was a fairly serious movie based around/near/on the Donnie Brasco story. I really really liked
To me, I find Robert Moresco's work to be fairly formulaic. This, however, wasn't. That it was done by the same guy that did The Black Donnellys made me happy as well.
I actually teared up when Brad Renfro's character (Vincent) was kidnapped and then killed. His line to let James Marsden/Tommy know that he was about to die… oh god, it was horribly sad and poignant and not over the top at all. The bad guys are just that, bad. They're not over the top villains. Instead, they are just unrepentant assholes.
This movie is WAY better than Donnie Brasco was (sorry, Johnny Depp). It's a very well put together movie.
8 out of 10
Blood Diamond
Blood Diamond wasn't at all what I was expecting. Considering that I kept hearing comparisons to The Island of Naked Sluts And We Go Swimming, or whatever the fuck that stupid movie's real title was, I wasn't expecting all that much.
I love Leo as eye candy. He's rugged and he's got that chiseled chin that makes me stare and think about licking it. However, I also loved Leo in What's Eating Gilbert Grape and proceeded to hate almost everything else he made until The Departed. Thus, I have a love/hate relationship with him.
I was extremely impressed that Leo kept that accent throughout the movie. It's a tough accent but he did it and so much love for it (even if the constant "yeah"'s drove me up a wall). He wasn't a sympathetic character. I didn't like him in the least but he was better than the other bad guys so it's a lesser of two evils thing.
All the same, when he sacrificed himself at the end, I wanted him to walk into that room at the end, during the speech with the politicians. I wanted him to be all ZOMG HERE I AM but if he had, I would've hated the movie for being clichéd and stupid. Basically, the movie couldn't win for me on an ending. And I like that. I like that I wouldn't have liked any ending because I was so attached. I didn't want his story to become a cliché but I didn't want him to die either and I love that mixed up feeling I got at the end. Had it had any other ending, I would've written it off to being clichéd.
Leo was still better in the Departed. Even if he died in that too.
8 out of 10
Curse of the Golden Flower
This movie was, um, interesting? If by interesting, I mean boring, over-the-top, without any likeable characters, an overly complicated storyline that goes absolutely nowhere as it's too busy winding back in on itself, and visually stunning.
Like quite a few of Asian martial arts movies I've seen (Hero, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Fearless), this movie is visually stunning. Brilliant colors, intricate martial arts, gorgeous clothes, and amazing sets. However, this movie does not have a single likeable character in it. Not one that you can even think, well, he's better than the rest. You hate them all and want them to all die. Every character is actually a caricature of itself.
The only interesting bits were the incestuous relationships. If you're looking for eye candy, this is a good movie. Otherwise, it's an interesting watch.
5 out of 10
Flushed Away
This can be summed up by "funny cartoon". It was fun to watch for a mindless sort of movie that didn't make you think, which is what I was looking for when I rented it. It doesn't really do anything to make it stand out from any other cartoon but it's alright. Just like every other cartoon, it's filled with clichés and self-adoration backslapping for teaching a good old fashioned message to the children of today, blahblahblah.
I liked it. I wouldn't buy it.
7 out of 10
Night at the Museum
This was cute and funny. I enjoyed Ben Stiller's character and the way he finally got his act together. Ricky Gervais had me giggling as the museum curator but, having worked at a museum, I gotta say that him doing the hiring/firing of guards was a bit unbelievable. That's what the HR department's for. Actually, in my 10 years of working at the Harrisburg State Museum (nowhere near as big and/or cool as this museum), I met the curator once and that was at a function where I was giving a speech. So, yeah, suspend the disbelief.
The love interest was cute and that whole relationship was cute. (Notice the constant use of cute?) The monkey, the t-rex, the dioramas, the lions, the Easter Island head, all of it was cute.
Best part of the movie was the slash possibilities between Jedidiah and Octavius. They're just so w00bie together that I want to read some slash about these two. Come on – old west guy and a roman soldier? Can it get any more Romeo and Juliet? I think not.
9 out of 10
Stranger than Fiction
This is the first Will Farrell movie I have ever liked. I absolutely adore Queen Latifah, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Emma Thompson so I decided to make myself sit through this to see if it was any good.
It was totally worth having to put up with Will Farrell. Actually, Will Farrell wasn't even that bad in it. I found myself cheering for him and the tiny details through the movie made it for me. The way that the script writer tied in the watch throughout, the way that the watch saved his life, the way that Emma Thompson was so crazy but brilliant, the gift of the flour and the cookies, all of it tied in to make one large beautiful story.
It's shocking but I'm tempted to actually purchase something with Will Farrell in it. I feel dirty and need a shower now that I've said that.
9 out of 10
The Holiday
I had to see this just due to the cast. It's got Kate Winslet (love), Jude Law (love), Cameron Diaz (meh) and Jack Black (double meh). I adored Kate Winslet's character, Irish. She was just so nice and lovely and I hated that Rufus Sewell's character was such a dick to her. I thought she was brilliant and, surprisingly enough, Jack Black was very believable as a love interest for her. He was even stereotypical Jack Black in it and I still thought him believable in it.
I didn't like Cameron Diaz's character – thought she was an insufferable spoilt bitch and I had no clue how Jude Law's character could deal with her. However, it ended cute for them so I appreciated it.
This is such a chick flick, though. It really is. It's got a stereotypical chickflick ending and in-jokes and some man bashing. But, it's entertaining while it does it. I actually really liked this.
9 out of 10
The Pursuit of Happyness
My first impression of this was that I found it a bit suspicious that Will Smith's kid got the main role when Will was starring in this. So, I was prepared to be quite critical of his acting. That being said, that little boy blew me away. He does such a great job, they both do, actually.
I loved and adored this. The struggles that Chris Gardner went through and didn't ever give up… wow. I really found myself cheering for him and flinching for him and tearing up. When they're sleeping in the subway men's room? OMG, so teared up there. Then, when he enters that interview and he's wearing his painter's clothes and the dudes are all condescending… that fake handshake, especially? OMG, I felt AWFUL for him. That he believed in himself enough to go through with the interview, I don't know if I could've done it.
The movie is brilliantly inspiring without being over the top and clichéd. (yes, those two are the phrases for these reviews) It's just a brilliant story and I recommend that if you watch it, watch the special features. That dude who solves the Rubik's Cube blindfolded? Holy Mother of God. I can't even solve it with both my eyes and directions. Only complaint is that I would've liked to hear from Chris's son on his remembrance of those years in the special features.
9 out of 10