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Fic: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 9 (Dean/Seamus)
Title: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 9
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wook77
Pairing:: Dean/Seamus (other slash and het pairings contained within)
Rating: PG (Eventual rating: Hard R to NC-17)
100quills prompt: 11. Quirks
Warnings: Canon compliant through DH. Pre-Epilogue. Additional Warnings at the beginning of Chapter 1.
Wordcount: Overall: ~70k This part: 3100
Summary: Four years ago, Dean Thomas died in the midst of a raid. Seamus saw it happen right in front of his eyes but seeing isn't believing and reality is in the eye of the beholder.
A/N: Many many thanks tonefernat for the beta job. All remaining mistakes are my own.
All Chapters
As weeks turned into months, Seamus found himself sliding further and further into love with the new Dean. The neatness, something the old incarnation had never bothered with, was endearing in its own way as Dean picked up after Seamus. He found himself picking up his own clothes and shoes to avoid upsetting Dean.
The cooking was another new habit that Seamus adored. Dean could cook, his meals were always creative and it was nice to come back to the flat and find a hot meal. As much as Seamus wanted to tease Dean about how he was a good little wife, he didn't want to risk losing those meals and the clean laundry, so he wisely shut his mouth and kept his foot from it.
It was the little things that really pushed Seamus over the edge. The melding of old and new habits, like the way Dean chewed his lip when he was doing one of the exercises Parvati gave him or the way he'd tap a pen against his leg, was intriguing. Seamus couldn't resist the lure of spending time listening to the progress of the testing and the different treatments that they were trying at St. Mungo's.
This wasn't to say that there weren't problems, as there were. Dean still hadn't spoken to his mum and he wasn't aware that Seamus was leaving voicemails with updates. Dennis was still missing and unresponsive. It was a bit worrisome but Parvati counselled him not to worry overly much just yet. Perhaps with distance, Dennis wouldn't rely on alcohol and Seamus to keep him steady and would find his own anchor.
His sessions with Parvati were a blessing, but Seamus hadn't screwed up the courage to tell Dean about them just yet. He didn't need to know that Seamus was talking to Parvati about his own problems.
So far, he'd been able to resist most of it. The hand reaching out to touch as Dean walked past to take a spot at the end of the couch, feet stretching out to intertwine their toes while they watched telly, nose aching to burrow into the crook of Dean's neck to inhale; none of it happened through sheer force of will. Seamus might just be falling in love with the new Dean but he'd, so far, been able to wait until he heard 'Seem' trip off Dean's lips.
The one thing that he hadn't been able to resist was the watching. In the dead of the night, when his own bed was too big and too empty, he'd curl around a pillow until he couldn't resist any longer. Then, he'd slip out into the main room and watched Dean sleep. He'd catalogue the way Dean would curl on his side with a hand cupping his cheek under the weight of his head, the way he'd snuffle in his sleep, the slightly mutterings. In sleep, Dean was achingly familiar.
~~**~~
After sending off yet another round of owls to try to find out what had happened to Dennis, Seamus concentrated on work yet again. There was plenty to do and Seamus soon lost himself in the details. For once, he kept his mind off of what Dean might be doing with Parvati and the rest of the healers at St. Mungo's.
Nothing had arrived in response to his owls by quitting time, so he made his way home. Opening the door, he stopped in the doorway, shocked into immobility by the sight that greeted him. Dean sat on the floor with the box of photographs and sketches spread out in front of him. So many emotions flooded Seamus's system that he couldn't think of how to react at all. He only stared as Dean thumbed a photograph and then looked up at Seamus.
"We weren't just best mates, were we?" Dean asked as Seamus continued to stand in the doorway. Seamus's steps stuttered before moving forward again as if the question wasn't asking exactly what it was.
"Aye, we were partners as well. You watched my back and I watched yours." Seamus kept thinking not now, please not now.
"We were more, don't lie to me. We were more." Dean sounded angry but Seamus needed to protect himself and the tenuous relationship they had. He waved one of the letters Seamus had written to Dean's mam in the air. "Got your words here. I'd like you to give me them now, too."
"Didn't need to be more than mates. That's everything."
"Christ, Seamus, just answer the question! I'm asking for the truth here. You want to treat me like my mum does, protect me from the past that I bloody well deserve to know, then I'm leaving." Dean stood and then stalked towards the sofa and his pile of clothing and started grabbing at it to pack.
Seamus hurried over and reached out a hand, stilling his motions. He couldn't decide what he was going to say, how he was going to react. "Don't go, please. Please, just, don't go."
"Then tell me the truth." When Dean looked at Seamus as he spoke, Seamus felt the hesitancy melt. He couldn't resist the demand for validation, history and memory. He couldn't lie to Dean and he couldn't withhold the truth.
"When you kissed me, that first time, I thought 'Christ but here it is then'. It wasn't a really good kiss. I like to think that we were too nervous or wanted it too much, but it was probably because we were fourteen and drunk on spiked punch." Seamus gave a quick, nervous laugh as he let go of Dean to fiddle with a pillow. Dean didn't respond but he also didn't continue packing. Seamus refused to look at him. "I expect that makes you nervous staying here. Honestly, I hadn't planned on telling you any of this, much as Parvati urged me to. I should've told you from the beginning. In my defence, I've only just got you back and friendship is enough, more than. I don't really need the rest, not if we can still be friends. That's what we agreed to when the kiss was over."
Seamus played with a thread. Dean still hadn't said anything yet but that was all right. Now that the floodgates had opened, Seamus found that he didn't want to stop the tide of confession. "It just happened so gradually, that whole falling in love thing. Didn't even know I loved you until you were flirting with Lavender and I walked in on the two of you. God, the jealousy was so strong. I knew you were meant for me and you, you looked up and I could tell that you didn't understand what was happening, either. I didn't talk to you for days, I was so hurt and confused. Then you yanked me into a closet when we were in training and you hit me. Then you kissed me. It was good, so fucking good, that I wondered if it was too good to be true.
"Not saying that it was all sunshine and roses and that there weren't times that we didn't fight. We fought. A lot. I was jealous a lot and you didn't take kindly to that. Both of us were so stubborn in our own ways. But we were good together, really good. Hell, I spent a year after you… went away… thinking we were perfect but we weren't." Seamus stopped talking as he remembered the first kiss, the second kiss and the nervous glances and touches that followed both. He remembered the fights and the making up, the sleeping alone because of his own stubbornness and the sometimes tumultuous reunions. Dean hadn't said anything yet but that was all right; Seamus had other things he wanted to share now that the memories were spread out around them.
"Look, if you're wanting to go, I'd understand it but I can assure you that I'm happy enough to have you alive and my mate again, so I won't be attacking you or any of that. You've a safe place to stay here, if you're wanting to still stay. I don't need more than you as a mate."
"And if I want more?" Dean asked after a pregnant pause.
"Sorry, what?" Seamus looked up and boggled. Surely he hadn't heard what he'd thought he'd heard.
"What if I want more than you as a mate? What if I want what we had before?" Too busy grabbing a photograph of the pair of them snogging at a party when they'd thought no one looking, Dean missed the shocked expression on Seamus's face.
This was the epitome of what Seamus had dreamed and wanted. This was the answer to his prayers, to have Dean back with him: to be able to touch and kiss and love. Seamus wanted to answer 'yes' but then reality caught up with him. The Dean standing in front of him wasn't his Dean, the one he'd fallen in love with. This Dean tapped his spoon on the rim of his cup, hummed in the shower and folded his clothing neatly. This Dean was shy and slow to laugh around new people.
Seamus amazed himself by answering, "I want what we had before too, but we can't get it back, can we? It's gone just as much as your memories are. We've known each other this time for what? A month or so? That's not time enough to be making this sort of decision, much as I want it."
Dean started to turn away and Seamus could see the hurt. He reached out and grabbed Dean's arm and tugged him back around.
"Look, I won't lie. I want you, never fucking stopped, but," his hand raked through his hair before falling to his side, "Christ, but I want it so bad that I can taste it, but I also want it good and lasting and if we do something now, I'll regret it. I'll be taking advantage and… and right now, you don't know who you were so you can't know what we had, these photos or no. I'm making a muck of this, but I'm trying to do the right thing. Once you get your memories back…well, we'll talk then. We were mates before and I'd rather have that than nothing at all."
Dean didn't say a word. Seamus played with his collar and then straightened his shirt. The silence stretched on as they both stood a bit too close and looked anywhere but at each other.
"All right," Dean whispered.
"All right which one?"
"All right, you're right. It's too soon and I don't want to mess up where we're at now." Dean looked at Seamus and his face split into a teasing expression. "Just don't be coming out here in the middle of the night asking for favours."
"As if I'd do that. You drool, mate, ruin all my best sheets with the rivers that come out of that mouth." Seamus tried to tease back and when they laughed, it was made up of more relief than happiness.
"Will you tell me the stories behind some of these?" Dean gestured towards the photographs. "We look happy."
Seamus sat on the floor and grabbed a photograph. In it, Ron and Harry played Wizard Chess while Dean and Seamus played a rousing game of Exploding Snap to the side. Ron turned and yelled as the cards exploded just behind him. The image repeated and Seamus laughed at Ron's expression. They were no older than thirteen and they'd thought the world of themselves.
"This one? Ron hexed you so that you'd eat slugs just after it was taken. Took Madam Pomfrey hours to purge your system and, until then, you kept vomiting them up. It was completely foul." Seamus laughed, this time completely genuine, as he relived the memory.
"What're we playing?" Dean sat next to him, leaning over his shoulder to look at the photograph. Seamus breathed him in, holding the unique scent for as long as he could.
"Exploding Snap, we played it all the time. I think I still have a deck somewhere. Want me to teach you?"
"Yeah, that'd be fun."
The evening passed quickly as the cards exploded back and forth. Seamus couldn't remember a day in over four years that he'd laughed as much as he did in those hours with Dean. When he went to bed, he got the first full night's rest since Dean had disappeared.
~~**~~
Dean fiddled with the outside seam of his denims as he slouched in a chair in Parvati's office. The more they talked, the more nervous he got. They'd been working on the visualisations with nothing other than random images coming up. He could remember sitting in class but not the spells. He could remember eating in the Great Hall but not whom he sat with. It seemed like anything relating directly to magic, he couldn't remember. Whenever they tried to force their way through, he was thrust out of the visualisation and left bemused and disappointed.
"Dean, I have to be honest. I don't think we're going to get anywhere with this. We can recover some incomplete memories but I don't think that's enough, do you?" Parvati looked up from her notes.
"I'd like to keep trying. I want my memories back."
"Healer Guérir said that there's an experimental procedure." Her voice trailed off as she looked over his shoulder while she nibbled the end of her bright pink quill.
"Yeah?" Dean waited for Parvati to reveal whatever it was that was holding her back and making her hesitate.
"I'd rather he explain it to you."
"Is it dangerous or something?" Dean could feel the nerves start once more. He just wanted to know what had happened to him, how to fix it and who he was.
"We'll meet tomorrow about it, if you're interested." Parvati tapped her quill as she spoke. Dean didn't want to wait until tomorrow to go over this. He wanted to do it now, especially after Seamus saying that they'd wait until he remembered who he was.
"Can't we meet sooner? Say this afternoon? Or even now?"
"Dean, you haven't remembered for how many years? Another day isn't asking too much, is it?"
"Yes, it damn well does ask too much!" He would be embarrassed about his temper if it weren't for the fact that he was close enough to regaining himself that he could feel it churning just underneath the surface.
"What happened last night?" She asked and his tirade halted as he stumbled over the change of subject.
"You that perceptive?" He asked and she nodded. "Seamus and I talked."
"Oh? Go on," she encouraged as she arched a brow.
"Isn't there anything you could tell me about us?" The way he said 'us' was as so much more than friends and he could see that Parvati knew that though he tried for a tone that wouldn't betray how much he wanted to remember just what they'd been. After the talk of last night, he was even more curious. He'd dated in the years since he'd lost his memory, not often but he'd had the occasional date. There'd been Lisa from Sales and Mark from the pick-up football games. Instead of attraction, he'd felt more like he was experimenting, trying to figure out who he was. His sister, Farrah, had made a comment about his sexuality that had quickly been hushed by his parents. He'd suspected he had dated men before but the comment had confirmed it.
Now he wondered if, perhaps, the reason he hadn't been happy with Lisa or Mark was because he'd known, deep deep inside, that he'd had Seamus and had wanted him back. It was a silly flight of fancy and the reason he really hadn't been happy was because he didn't know who he was or who he'd been with. He knew it, but the fancy appealed to him in ways the truth hadn't. He'd refused to commit to anyone just in case there had been someone else.
"Seamus talked to you, then? That's good, very good," she smiled as she spoke. She wrote a few things in her notes. "I'd prefer that you recover the memories on your own, however."
"We had a bit of a talk after he got home last night. Things were tense after he walked in to see me looking through this box of photographs and sketches he had, but then we talked." Dean smiled as he thought about the way they'd played Exploding Snap until the early hours of the morning, barely breaking for snacks and beer.
"I know that you're both feeling your way here, but I'm still going to ask that you be careful of him. If you find that you can't love him, tell him sooner rather than later." She wrote a few more things down in her notes, not looking at him at all.
"I told him that I wanted what we had had." Dean felt defensive though he knew he shouldn't. Parvati was only looking out for Seamus.
"Seamus is fragile. He'll pretend that he isn't but he's just as fragile as Dennis." She finally looked up and her smile was poignant.
"I know, yeah? I know," he repeated. They stared at one another for a moment and then she nodded.
"What else did you talk about?"
"He taught me how to play Exploding Snap. I know it's a kid's game but, man, that game is cool. I think I ended up winning the evening but we weren't really keeping score."
"Did you remember playing it before or was it entirely new to you?"
"New," he said while she wrote. "Nothing came back."
"That's what I suspected. It's whatever they did to you. Anything relating to magic directly is hidden and we can't access it." She sighed and then held up a hand, as if to ward off what he'd been about to say. "I'll send a message to Healer Guérir and see if he can meet later this afternoon. It's the best I can do."
"Thanks, Parvati." He watched as she wrote something and then folded it up. After she tapped it with her wand, it flew off and he barely opened the door in time for it to wing its way down the hall.
"While we wait for a response, would you like to show me your skills at Exploding Snap?" She grinned as she pulled out a deck. "It's been years since I've played."
As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.
Chapter 10
Author:
wook77Pairing:: Dean/Seamus (other slash and het pairings contained within)
Rating: PG (Eventual rating: Hard R to NC-17)
100quills prompt: 11. Quirks
Warnings: Canon compliant through DH. Pre-Epilogue. Additional Warnings at the beginning of Chapter 1.
Wordcount: Overall: ~70k This part: 3100
Summary: Four years ago, Dean Thomas died in the midst of a raid. Seamus saw it happen right in front of his eyes but seeing isn't believing and reality is in the eye of the beholder.
A/N: Many many thanks to
nefernat for the beta job. All remaining mistakes are my own. All Chapters
As weeks turned into months, Seamus found himself sliding further and further into love with the new Dean. The neatness, something the old incarnation had never bothered with, was endearing in its own way as Dean picked up after Seamus. He found himself picking up his own clothes and shoes to avoid upsetting Dean.
The cooking was another new habit that Seamus adored. Dean could cook, his meals were always creative and it was nice to come back to the flat and find a hot meal. As much as Seamus wanted to tease Dean about how he was a good little wife, he didn't want to risk losing those meals and the clean laundry, so he wisely shut his mouth and kept his foot from it.
It was the little things that really pushed Seamus over the edge. The melding of old and new habits, like the way Dean chewed his lip when he was doing one of the exercises Parvati gave him or the way he'd tap a pen against his leg, was intriguing. Seamus couldn't resist the lure of spending time listening to the progress of the testing and the different treatments that they were trying at St. Mungo's.
This wasn't to say that there weren't problems, as there were. Dean still hadn't spoken to his mum and he wasn't aware that Seamus was leaving voicemails with updates. Dennis was still missing and unresponsive. It was a bit worrisome but Parvati counselled him not to worry overly much just yet. Perhaps with distance, Dennis wouldn't rely on alcohol and Seamus to keep him steady and would find his own anchor.
His sessions with Parvati were a blessing, but Seamus hadn't screwed up the courage to tell Dean about them just yet. He didn't need to know that Seamus was talking to Parvati about his own problems.
So far, he'd been able to resist most of it. The hand reaching out to touch as Dean walked past to take a spot at the end of the couch, feet stretching out to intertwine their toes while they watched telly, nose aching to burrow into the crook of Dean's neck to inhale; none of it happened through sheer force of will. Seamus might just be falling in love with the new Dean but he'd, so far, been able to wait until he heard 'Seem' trip off Dean's lips.
The one thing that he hadn't been able to resist was the watching. In the dead of the night, when his own bed was too big and too empty, he'd curl around a pillow until he couldn't resist any longer. Then, he'd slip out into the main room and watched Dean sleep. He'd catalogue the way Dean would curl on his side with a hand cupping his cheek under the weight of his head, the way he'd snuffle in his sleep, the slightly mutterings. In sleep, Dean was achingly familiar.
After sending off yet another round of owls to try to find out what had happened to Dennis, Seamus concentrated on work yet again. There was plenty to do and Seamus soon lost himself in the details. For once, he kept his mind off of what Dean might be doing with Parvati and the rest of the healers at St. Mungo's.
Nothing had arrived in response to his owls by quitting time, so he made his way home. Opening the door, he stopped in the doorway, shocked into immobility by the sight that greeted him. Dean sat on the floor with the box of photographs and sketches spread out in front of him. So many emotions flooded Seamus's system that he couldn't think of how to react at all. He only stared as Dean thumbed a photograph and then looked up at Seamus.
"We weren't just best mates, were we?" Dean asked as Seamus continued to stand in the doorway. Seamus's steps stuttered before moving forward again as if the question wasn't asking exactly what it was.
"Aye, we were partners as well. You watched my back and I watched yours." Seamus kept thinking not now, please not now.
"We were more, don't lie to me. We were more." Dean sounded angry but Seamus needed to protect himself and the tenuous relationship they had. He waved one of the letters Seamus had written to Dean's mam in the air. "Got your words here. I'd like you to give me them now, too."
"Didn't need to be more than mates. That's everything."
"Christ, Seamus, just answer the question! I'm asking for the truth here. You want to treat me like my mum does, protect me from the past that I bloody well deserve to know, then I'm leaving." Dean stood and then stalked towards the sofa and his pile of clothing and started grabbing at it to pack.
Seamus hurried over and reached out a hand, stilling his motions. He couldn't decide what he was going to say, how he was going to react. "Don't go, please. Please, just, don't go."
"Then tell me the truth." When Dean looked at Seamus as he spoke, Seamus felt the hesitancy melt. He couldn't resist the demand for validation, history and memory. He couldn't lie to Dean and he couldn't withhold the truth.
"When you kissed me, that first time, I thought 'Christ but here it is then'. It wasn't a really good kiss. I like to think that we were too nervous or wanted it too much, but it was probably because we were fourteen and drunk on spiked punch." Seamus gave a quick, nervous laugh as he let go of Dean to fiddle with a pillow. Dean didn't respond but he also didn't continue packing. Seamus refused to look at him. "I expect that makes you nervous staying here. Honestly, I hadn't planned on telling you any of this, much as Parvati urged me to. I should've told you from the beginning. In my defence, I've only just got you back and friendship is enough, more than. I don't really need the rest, not if we can still be friends. That's what we agreed to when the kiss was over."
Seamus played with a thread. Dean still hadn't said anything yet but that was all right. Now that the floodgates had opened, Seamus found that he didn't want to stop the tide of confession. "It just happened so gradually, that whole falling in love thing. Didn't even know I loved you until you were flirting with Lavender and I walked in on the two of you. God, the jealousy was so strong. I knew you were meant for me and you, you looked up and I could tell that you didn't understand what was happening, either. I didn't talk to you for days, I was so hurt and confused. Then you yanked me into a closet when we were in training and you hit me. Then you kissed me. It was good, so fucking good, that I wondered if it was too good to be true.
"Not saying that it was all sunshine and roses and that there weren't times that we didn't fight. We fought. A lot. I was jealous a lot and you didn't take kindly to that. Both of us were so stubborn in our own ways. But we were good together, really good. Hell, I spent a year after you… went away… thinking we were perfect but we weren't." Seamus stopped talking as he remembered the first kiss, the second kiss and the nervous glances and touches that followed both. He remembered the fights and the making up, the sleeping alone because of his own stubbornness and the sometimes tumultuous reunions. Dean hadn't said anything yet but that was all right; Seamus had other things he wanted to share now that the memories were spread out around them.
"Look, if you're wanting to go, I'd understand it but I can assure you that I'm happy enough to have you alive and my mate again, so I won't be attacking you or any of that. You've a safe place to stay here, if you're wanting to still stay. I don't need more than you as a mate."
"And if I want more?" Dean asked after a pregnant pause.
"Sorry, what?" Seamus looked up and boggled. Surely he hadn't heard what he'd thought he'd heard.
"What if I want more than you as a mate? What if I want what we had before?" Too busy grabbing a photograph of the pair of them snogging at a party when they'd thought no one looking, Dean missed the shocked expression on Seamus's face.
This was the epitome of what Seamus had dreamed and wanted. This was the answer to his prayers, to have Dean back with him: to be able to touch and kiss and love. Seamus wanted to answer 'yes' but then reality caught up with him. The Dean standing in front of him wasn't his Dean, the one he'd fallen in love with. This Dean tapped his spoon on the rim of his cup, hummed in the shower and folded his clothing neatly. This Dean was shy and slow to laugh around new people.
Seamus amazed himself by answering, "I want what we had before too, but we can't get it back, can we? It's gone just as much as your memories are. We've known each other this time for what? A month or so? That's not time enough to be making this sort of decision, much as I want it."
Dean started to turn away and Seamus could see the hurt. He reached out and grabbed Dean's arm and tugged him back around.
"Look, I won't lie. I want you, never fucking stopped, but," his hand raked through his hair before falling to his side, "Christ, but I want it so bad that I can taste it, but I also want it good and lasting and if we do something now, I'll regret it. I'll be taking advantage and… and right now, you don't know who you were so you can't know what we had, these photos or no. I'm making a muck of this, but I'm trying to do the right thing. Once you get your memories back…well, we'll talk then. We were mates before and I'd rather have that than nothing at all."
Dean didn't say a word. Seamus played with his collar and then straightened his shirt. The silence stretched on as they both stood a bit too close and looked anywhere but at each other.
"All right," Dean whispered.
"All right which one?"
"All right, you're right. It's too soon and I don't want to mess up where we're at now." Dean looked at Seamus and his face split into a teasing expression. "Just don't be coming out here in the middle of the night asking for favours."
"As if I'd do that. You drool, mate, ruin all my best sheets with the rivers that come out of that mouth." Seamus tried to tease back and when they laughed, it was made up of more relief than happiness.
"Will you tell me the stories behind some of these?" Dean gestured towards the photographs. "We look happy."
Seamus sat on the floor and grabbed a photograph. In it, Ron and Harry played Wizard Chess while Dean and Seamus played a rousing game of Exploding Snap to the side. Ron turned and yelled as the cards exploded just behind him. The image repeated and Seamus laughed at Ron's expression. They were no older than thirteen and they'd thought the world of themselves.
"This one? Ron hexed you so that you'd eat slugs just after it was taken. Took Madam Pomfrey hours to purge your system and, until then, you kept vomiting them up. It was completely foul." Seamus laughed, this time completely genuine, as he relived the memory.
"What're we playing?" Dean sat next to him, leaning over his shoulder to look at the photograph. Seamus breathed him in, holding the unique scent for as long as he could.
"Exploding Snap, we played it all the time. I think I still have a deck somewhere. Want me to teach you?"
"Yeah, that'd be fun."
The evening passed quickly as the cards exploded back and forth. Seamus couldn't remember a day in over four years that he'd laughed as much as he did in those hours with Dean. When he went to bed, he got the first full night's rest since Dean had disappeared.
Dean fiddled with the outside seam of his denims as he slouched in a chair in Parvati's office. The more they talked, the more nervous he got. They'd been working on the visualisations with nothing other than random images coming up. He could remember sitting in class but not the spells. He could remember eating in the Great Hall but not whom he sat with. It seemed like anything relating directly to magic, he couldn't remember. Whenever they tried to force their way through, he was thrust out of the visualisation and left bemused and disappointed.
"Dean, I have to be honest. I don't think we're going to get anywhere with this. We can recover some incomplete memories but I don't think that's enough, do you?" Parvati looked up from her notes.
"I'd like to keep trying. I want my memories back."
"Healer Guérir said that there's an experimental procedure." Her voice trailed off as she looked over his shoulder while she nibbled the end of her bright pink quill.
"Yeah?" Dean waited for Parvati to reveal whatever it was that was holding her back and making her hesitate.
"I'd rather he explain it to you."
"Is it dangerous or something?" Dean could feel the nerves start once more. He just wanted to know what had happened to him, how to fix it and who he was.
"We'll meet tomorrow about it, if you're interested." Parvati tapped her quill as she spoke. Dean didn't want to wait until tomorrow to go over this. He wanted to do it now, especially after Seamus saying that they'd wait until he remembered who he was.
"Can't we meet sooner? Say this afternoon? Or even now?"
"Dean, you haven't remembered for how many years? Another day isn't asking too much, is it?"
"Yes, it damn well does ask too much!" He would be embarrassed about his temper if it weren't for the fact that he was close enough to regaining himself that he could feel it churning just underneath the surface.
"What happened last night?" She asked and his tirade halted as he stumbled over the change of subject.
"You that perceptive?" He asked and she nodded. "Seamus and I talked."
"Oh? Go on," she encouraged as she arched a brow.
"Isn't there anything you could tell me about us?" The way he said 'us' was as so much more than friends and he could see that Parvati knew that though he tried for a tone that wouldn't betray how much he wanted to remember just what they'd been. After the talk of last night, he was even more curious. He'd dated in the years since he'd lost his memory, not often but he'd had the occasional date. There'd been Lisa from Sales and Mark from the pick-up football games. Instead of attraction, he'd felt more like he was experimenting, trying to figure out who he was. His sister, Farrah, had made a comment about his sexuality that had quickly been hushed by his parents. He'd suspected he had dated men before but the comment had confirmed it.
Now he wondered if, perhaps, the reason he hadn't been happy with Lisa or Mark was because he'd known, deep deep inside, that he'd had Seamus and had wanted him back. It was a silly flight of fancy and the reason he really hadn't been happy was because he didn't know who he was or who he'd been with. He knew it, but the fancy appealed to him in ways the truth hadn't. He'd refused to commit to anyone just in case there had been someone else.
"Seamus talked to you, then? That's good, very good," she smiled as she spoke. She wrote a few things in her notes. "I'd prefer that you recover the memories on your own, however."
"We had a bit of a talk after he got home last night. Things were tense after he walked in to see me looking through this box of photographs and sketches he had, but then we talked." Dean smiled as he thought about the way they'd played Exploding Snap until the early hours of the morning, barely breaking for snacks and beer.
"I know that you're both feeling your way here, but I'm still going to ask that you be careful of him. If you find that you can't love him, tell him sooner rather than later." She wrote a few more things down in her notes, not looking at him at all.
"I told him that I wanted what we had had." Dean felt defensive though he knew he shouldn't. Parvati was only looking out for Seamus.
"Seamus is fragile. He'll pretend that he isn't but he's just as fragile as Dennis." She finally looked up and her smile was poignant.
"I know, yeah? I know," he repeated. They stared at one another for a moment and then she nodded.
"What else did you talk about?"
"He taught me how to play Exploding Snap. I know it's a kid's game but, man, that game is cool. I think I ended up winning the evening but we weren't really keeping score."
"Did you remember playing it before or was it entirely new to you?"
"New," he said while she wrote. "Nothing came back."
"That's what I suspected. It's whatever they did to you. Anything relating to magic directly is hidden and we can't access it." She sighed and then held up a hand, as if to ward off what he'd been about to say. "I'll send a message to Healer Guérir and see if he can meet later this afternoon. It's the best I can do."
"Thanks, Parvati." He watched as she wrote something and then folded it up. After she tapped it with her wand, it flew off and he barely opened the door in time for it to wing its way down the hall.
"While we wait for a response, would you like to show me your skills at Exploding Snap?" She grinned as she pulled out a deck. "It's been years since I've played."
Chapter 10